Thursday, March 30, 2006

Where Am I?


OK, this is day 2 of cutting back my Lexapro and taking St. John's Wort and Valerian Root. I will have to say that I actually feel more "up" than I have felt in quite a while. I don't feel as tired and I actually have a fairly positive mood.

I have been reading online today also about the effects of Valerian Root and HOLY COW, I didn't know that it was so versitile and inclusive in what it treats.

I have also been reading a lot of message boards where people with mild to moderate depression decided to go off of their prescriptions and switch over to this herbal alternative and feel so much better in their moods/attitudes and without the side effects of the SSRI's that their doctors gave them.

I don't know that I'm quite as happy as this monkey seems to be, but I sure do feel better. Not to mention that the herbal route seems to be a helluva lot cheaper.

The Bible In Public Schools


I saw this morning on the NBC Morning Show a story about how the state of Georgia is taking legislative action to try and include the Bible as a textbook in the public schools. Apparently in the Georgia public High Schools there is an elective course in Comparative Religion. I think that the report said that there are around 40, 000 students in the school system and typically only about 800 students even elect to take the class.

The Christian Coalition is pushing for the Bible to be included as a textbook in this class and I will have to say that in this particular case that I would have to side with them. Their argument is that if one were going to be studying the Constitution then it would be more informative to actually read the document itself rather than a book written about it. They argue that the same case is true with the Bible; better to read the actual thing than another book about it.

Some students have no problem with this seeing that there can be important historical/socialogical/religious information that can be gleamed about Christianity from the Bible and welcome it into the class.

My opinion is that if they are going to offer a class like this then by all means, bring it in. But if it were math, science, history, literature...keep it on the shelf.

Apparently Kansas and one other state are also pushing their legislatures to do the same.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

An Issue In The News

Was 911 an inside job?
wAs 911 an inside job?
waS 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 An inside job?
was 911 aN inside job?
was 911 an Inside job?
was 911 an iNside job?
was 911 an inSide job?
was 911 an insIde job?
was 911 an insiDe job?
was 911 an insidE job?
was 911 an inside Job?
was 911 an inside jOb?
was 911 an inside joB?
was 911 an inside job?

It is all for you to decide- go here to read more.

{Note: I don't know how recent this is. I just ran across it on the web today}

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

What a day

I actually did some real work today. I got an assignment from my boss; a "project" so now I have something to keep me more consistently busy. I guess that is nice because it keeps me occupied and out of trouble.

I took off from work @ noon today to have lunch with a friend of mine. Good times, good conversation. We talked about addictions. We had both been listening to Glenn Beck on the way to lunch in our cars. He had people call in and confess their secrets. One lady called in and said that she had just gotten over a heroine addiction. Instead of injecting it like most people do she snorted it. She said that her habit was about $100 a day. Another guy called in and said that he was addicted to porn and would spend $800-1000 a week on it. I have no idea where he would get the money to do that kind of thing but nevertheless, it is an awful addiction.

Then we discussed some theology which is always interesting. We ended up talking about prophecy and eschatology, which I will someday soon blog about here and reveal some of my views about the subject.

I then made the drive home since I knew that I would have an hour to be able to spend with my wife before I had to go to my doctor's appointment. We were just watching some TV and then I dozed off. I felt kind of bad but I was pretty tired.

So she woke me up @ 4 so I could head off to my 4:20 appointment. I got there and talked to the doctor and he said that he wanted me to stay on the Lexapro and also seek some counseling. I have been down the road of counseling many times before and I'm not trying to be arrogant but I just don't think I need counseling. I know what the contributing stresses in my life are, but I don't know that I can do anything about them. Not to mention I don't even know how much the counseling sessions would be or how much they would cost. So he wrote me a prescription and sent me on my way. Only a follow up visit at a later time "as needed."

So I headed down the street to the carnival known as Wal-Mart to get my prescription filled. They said that it would take about 15 minutes so I decided to head back to the electronics department and see what all they had going on back there. I had to admit that I coveted many of the items that I saw; especially this really nice 32" widescreen HDTV. The picture was so clear. I could spend hours watching movies on that thing. But it was somewhere around $900 and I just don't have the cash, or the desire to spend that much for a tube.

When I figured that enough time had passed I headed back up to the white coats to pick up my pills. The lady asked if I had a new insurance card so I gave it to her. She then disappeared over to where pharmasists go when they disappear and was gone for a little bit. Then she came back and told me that the cost after insurance for a month's worth of pills was $74. I about had to have them call for a clean up at the counter from me dropping a deuce in my pants. 74 bones is alot for this disciple to shell out for some small pills. So I discussed my "alternatives" with the lady who was very sympathetic to my perdicament. She said that if I really needed them then I should get them, otherwise they would hold them for me until I got the green.

I told her to just "hold" it for me. So I then walked away and delved into my self-contained think tank and figured that a much cheaper route would be to pick up some St. John's Wort [whoever thought of that name anyways] and some Valeria Root. I know that the Wort is supposed to "help promote a positive mood" and the Valeria is supposed to help keep you calm and help you sleep at night. So I figured that a consistent dose of those coupled with regular excercise would be just what this doctor ordered.

So, I don't know if it is the right thing to do, but I am weaning myself off the Lexapro and am going to try and take a more natural approach. If it doesn't work then I'll go to another doctor to get another opinion.

I know that I have an issue that I want help for; but I also know that the pharmaceutical industry is also out to make some hefty cash. What's a guy to do?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Monday Monday

Hey, it's been a couple of days. I'm back in the saddle for now though. Even though the picture on the left is not a picture of anywhere near where I am, it is raining both places. Kind of dreary. It's cold today and rainy, tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 50's and sunny. What gives? I guess that's Iowa though.

So this weekend was kind of interesting. We headed off for my wife's folks on Friday night. It is always good to see them but I just wasn't feeling like being around anyone. I just wanted to be by myself and I knew that I probably wouldn't get much of a chance to smoke. It's not like I can't live without having a cigarette, but it sure helps keeps my nerves in check.

Friday night we just hung out. Then Saturday we drove to the nearby hospital to see my wife's grandma who is in bad shape. She has been having trouble breathing, even with oxygen and has been hospitalized for about a week. She is 97 years old and just in case she took a turn for the worse my wife wanted to see her again. I wanted to do everything I could to oblige.

When we got to the hospital she was sleeping. We peeked in at her and she was breathing so heavily that it was almost scary. There was one time where her breathing had let up and I was afraid that it was her last, but then she started again. She hadn't slept well at all the night before and we wanted to let her get some rest since it had finally come. But she did end up waking up not too long after we arrived. We talked for a while and she got to see her great-grandkids.

Sunday morning at around 4am, she took a dive and had to be taken to the next bigger town with a bigger hospital. Then the latest word this morning was that she was doing even worse yet. Sooner or later her time will be up and she will be greatly missed. 97 years old. A German farm wife. Seven children and 50 great grandchildren. What a legacy. I think that she is ready to go though. She has recently been hesitant to certain treatments insisting that if it is her time then she doesn't want to fight it. I don't blame her. 97 years is a good, long, full life. I just hope and pray that when her time does come that it is quick and peaceful.

On top of all that we think that my son has the flu. He has had a high temp for the last two days and he has horked a few times as well. I feel so bad for the little guy because he's too little to talk and tell us what really hurts the most. He'll be at the doctor soon and hopefully they can give him something that will help him get over it. He's only 7 months old but he's getting to be so big.

Tomorrow afternoon I go to the doctor to follow up on how my medication is doing. I have been on it now for about 2 months and I think that my conclusion is this- It has been helping with keeping me from getting as down as I was, but it doesn't seem to help me come up any. I often feel foggy and distant. Thankfully my wife is understanding enough to bear with me; but I just hate the thought of having to switch to a different medication and start this whole process all over again.

Then to make things worse, I have just come to terms with an addiction of mine that I wasn't willing to admit to. Some people get addicted to alcohol, some drugs, some gambling; mine is religious radio. It has this sick effect on me. I can't stand to listen to it, but I can't keep myself away from it and even sometimes feel this strange type of withdrawl. Like this morning on the way to work I decided to listen to a CD [Coldplay] and as much as I like that CD I just felt like I was missing something. Too bad they don't have a drug to deal with that.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I'm Shocked!

I don't know why but I have been listening to this guy on the radio lately [I know, I keep saying that I've banned myself from this activity] named Bob Enyart who just drives me nuts. He is a conservative Christian activist and pastor who is based out of Denver, CO. It is a show where he talks about current events and then people call in to discuss the issues with him.

He seems to me like he would be very happy if the whole world was dominated by politics that were directly influenced by Old Testament law. He was ranting yesterday about how many violent crimes could be traced back to sexual issues. His argument was that theft, drug slinging, murder, and a whole list of other things could be traced ultimately back to either pornography or illicit sex somewhere in the offender's life. His proposal was then also that perhaps we should start going back to making premarital sex and sex outside of marriage a punishable crime again. Now, I'm not going to say that I disagree with the fact that it might be an influence or that I am in favour of people just living sexually promiscuous lives, but how does this guy think that the government is going to be able track every sex related issue? Does this guy expect to have some kind of tactical team in place to go around like the Pharisees of Jesus' day looking for those committing adultery? Thankfully this guy is guy is only on 2 radio stations and on his own website as far as broadcasting goes because the scary thing is that there are many people who agree with much of what he says.

The other problem that I have with what he espouses though is that if you listen to him long enough and discern his words just right he really talks out of both sides of his mouth. He says that there are some things that are sin and then some sins that turn into crimes; and that it is not the government's job to punish sin, but it is their job to punish it when it becomes a crime. I don't necessarily disagree with him on that one except for the fact that many of his reasons for justifying this claim just don't follow through in regards to the rest of Jesus' teaching.

This guy says that it is a sin to covet but you can't arrest a guy for coveting, only for stealing- but I think that I remember Jesus saying that spiritually speaking, even coveting in one's heart makes them as guilty as actually stealing. Same with lust/adultery, hate/murder...etc. It seems to me that Jesus was confronting people just like this guy in his day and trying to show them the same thing that the Apostle Paul tried to tell the Romans- THE LAW IS SPIRITUAL AND SHOULD BE KEPT THAT WAY.

I think that it is a very dangerous thing when people try to use God as their justification to have a theonomic government. The lines just get too shady and before you know it you get people who are willing to enforce the law to too far of a degree.

But the whole point of this post is ultimately to get at the fact that I decided that I wanted to register myself as a user for his discussion board over at www.theologyonline.com

I started the registration process of choosing a username, a password, putting in my email address...and when I went to submit the registration info I was notified that my email address had already been banned by the administrator! I had never even been to that website before, never emailed him, never called into the show or anything; but already my email address was banned.

Have I made that much noise out on the Internet? I don't think it is possible. Not to mention that this guy doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would back down to some schlump like me. Who knows, maybe I'm on to something that is ahead of my time.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

The Corporate Mouse Trap

I have been sitting here at work today thinking about what exactly it is that I "do" here. The conclusion that I have come to is- I'm not exactly sure.

I have recently gotten a new manager. He is a good guy. I have worked with him for about 4 years or so and I like him. He is fun to be around, but he also knows what he is doing professionally. I've got to say though that when it comes time to have our first face to face meeting though that I am afraid that I might come off as someone who needs to be shown the door.

Here's the scoop- Technically my job title is PC LAN Analyst 2, but I function as part of the Virus Support/Remediation Team, but I spend a lot of my time doing stuff that involves Disaster Recovery & Preparedness.

In a given week I will spend time doing spreadsheets, documentation, giving out computer support, applying security patches to PCs and whatever else comes up. The new name of my direct team is Desktop Architecture & Compliance. They are responsible for setting all of the new hardware and software standards for the company. They get requests for various things and it is their job to review the requests and then either approve or deny them. I am on that team but I don't really do that.

I have to say that I don't hate my job, but I am finding that I just don't like being in limbo. I don't function as the rest of my teammates. I often wonder why I even still work here. I have no idea what else I would do though if I were to work doing something else.

I was out online today looking at job postings both inside and outside of my company. It feels almost like I am hopeless when it comes to finding a new job unless I go back to college and finish my degree. I don't have any degrees or certifications, but I do have 8 years of experience. I don't currently receive much of any on the job training that is pertinent to what I do either. Some days I have to admit that I was just on disability and was able to stay at home all of the time and let Uncle Sam pay all of my bills, but then I think about how lazy that would be for me to do; there are people out there who need that kind of assistance a lot more than I do.

So in the meantime I'm just a geek who sits here and writes about all this crap in his blog.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

It's Still St. Patty's Day @ Ground Zero...Kind Of

Can someone please hand me my sweatpants? I'm just kidding. I don't really wear those any more.

My wife's birthday actually is on St. Patty's day each year, March 17th, but she is really into the celebration thing so I always jokingly tell her that celebrating her birthday is kind of like celebrating Hanukkah; it lasts all week.

Last Saturday I gave her a gift early. Then Wednesday night she wanted to go out to eat, so I took her. Then Thursday night the neighbor was kind enough to bring over Little Caeser's pizza for us. Then Friday night she wanted to go out to eat again to a more "upscale" restaurant so I took her. My daughter gave her a birthday present then. Then on Saturday night I made her a green cake, and we ate green eggs and waffles. Then tonight [Sunday] I gave her the biggest one of them all. I had been scheming all week to throw her a kind of surprise birthday party with all of the family coming over to our place. I told her that it was just going to be my parents coming up to visit us to see the kids...but I didn't tell her that all the rest of the family was coming as well...her parents, siblings, my grandparents. So all together tonight we had around 20 people at our house tonight.

Let me just say that there was plenty of food and I consumed waaaay too much. I feel like a tick that is about to pop...and to make things worse I've been drinking coffee much of the afternoon and I feel like my body is about to come to a complete crash. Right now I can barely keep my eyes open. I imagine that very soon after everyone leaves that I will be in bed.

Even though I am not really a "social function bug" by nature, I am really glad that this went over well. I like doing things like this for my bride because I know that it means a lot to her. That is really what relationships are about; self-sacrifice for the other's loves/needs.

We had a great time, but I feel like a leprechaun who actually ate the gold once he found it.

Happy Birthday Baby! I love you and it was my pleasure.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Everyone's Irish Today

b. 387 d.461
Saint Patrick
Saint Patrick

St. Patrick of Ireland is one of the world's most popular saints.

Apostle of Ireland, born at Kilpatrick, near Dumbarton, in Scotland, in the year 387; died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, 17 March, 461.

Along with St. Nicholas and St. Valentine, the secular world shares our love of these saints. This is also a day when everyone's Irish.

There are many legends and stories of St. Patrick, but this is his story.

Patrick was born around 385 in Scotland, probably Kilpatrick. His parents were Calpurnius and Conchessa, who were Romans living in Britian in charge of the colonies.

As a boy of fourteen or so, he was captured during a raiding party and taken to Ireland as a slave to herd and tend sheep. Ireland at this time was a land of Druids and pagans. He learned the language and practices of the people who held him.

During his captivity, he turned to God in prayer. He wrote

"The love of God and his fear grew in me more and more, as did the faith, and my soul was rosed, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers and in the night, nearly the same." "I prayed in the woods and on the mountain, even before dawn. I felt no hurt from the snow or ice or rain."

Patrick's captivity lasted until he was twenty, when he escaped after having a dream from God in which he was told to leave Ireland by going to the coast. There he found some sailors who took him back to Britian, where he reunited with his family.

He had another dream in which the people of Ireland were calling out to him "We beg you, holy youth, to come and walk among us once more."

He began his studies for the priesthood. He was ordained by St. Germanus, the Bishop of Auxerre, whom he had studied under for years.

Later, Patrick was ordained a bishop, and was sent to take the Gospel to Ireland. He arrived in Ireland March 25, 433, at Slane. One legend says that he met a chieftain of one of the tribes, who tried to kill Patrick. Patrick converted Dichu (the chieftain) after he was unable to move his arm until he became friendly to Patrick.

Patrick began preaching the Gospel throughout Ireland, converting many. He and his disciples preached and converted thousands and began building churches all over the country. Kings, their families, and entire kingdoms converted to Christianity when hearing Patrick's message.

Patrick by now had many disciples, among them Beningnus, Auxilius, Iserninus, and Fiaac, (all later canonized as well).

Patrick preached and converted all of Ireland for 40 years. He worked many miracles and wrote of his love for God in Confessions. After years of living in poverty, traveling and enduring much suffering he died March 17, 461.

He died at Saul, where he had built the first church.

Why a shamrock?

Patrick used the shamrock to explain the Trinity, and has been associated with him and the Irish since that time.

In His Footsteps:

Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose love and total devotion to and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. He feared nothing, not even death, so complete was his trust in God, and of the importance of his mission.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Just Do It!

I just got back from going on an exhilarating 1/2 hour walk. I don't really get any exercise these days and I've got a lot of down time @ work. Plus I went to WebMD.com and did one of their profile things and it suggested that I start walking. I had been meaning to bring my walking shoes to work for about a week and a half but today I finally did.

I have to admit that I almost just left them in my backpack beside my desk and decided not to go, but then I figured that I was feeling tired enough that it might just help. I am guessing that I probably walked about 2 miles but I'm not sure. I must admit that I do feel better now. Maybe I shouldn't have gone the whole way today because my body isn't used to it yet, but I guess we'll find that out later.

As I was walking I saw so many old buildings that used to be businesses and manufacturing plants that are now nothing but warehouses. Some developers have taken a few of them and are converting them into apartment/condo complexes, but I think that they cost a lot of money to rent.

I just couldn't help but think about almost every spy/crime movie I'd ever seen where the bad guys hide out in warehouses. I did see a couple of guys outside of one of the buildings smoking. It just made me wonder what they actually do inside.

Either way, I just gotta walk.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Sticking It To The Man

Today Starbucks offers free coffee from 10am-noon at their various 7500 locations across the US. I am not really one to ever go to this establishment unless I have a voucher or coupon that gets me something that is nearly free. I decided today though to venture out the 2 block walk in order to get my free heart attack. I don't know what kind of blend it is, but what I do know is that in order for my taste buds to be able to tolerate it I had to dump out 1/3 of the coffee and replace it with water, and even then it is still pretty strong. I think I feel more hair growing on my chest and in my mouth.

I am always fascinated by watching people. I was curious as to what kind of hobbits would be found waiting it out in line there this morning. I wasn't let down.

In front of me was a very fascinating threesome of deaf folks. It didn't bother me in the least because I grew up being exposed to people who were hearing impaired. I even took some sign language courses with my mom when I was a kid. I don't really remember much of any of it any more but I can catch some things here and there. I just stood there thinking about what all difficulties that they run into on a daily basis. Not being able to hear would be very difficult. Especially when there was a lady standing behind them wanting to get past them who kept saying "excuse me" and they didn't have a clue. I even started to reach out and tap the deaf lady, but by then one of the guys she was with saw what was happening.

The group behind me seemed like a bunch of kids who thought that St. Patty's day had come early. I know that it might just be me and the fact that I seem so far removed from the rest of the world, but these kids that I see out and about these days just seem to be getting younger and younger. I am guessing that these kids were probably still in High School...which makes me even sicker because I thought that one of them was pretty good looking in a Kiera Knightly sort of way. Anyhooo- They were all wearing green things; and it seemed like it was on purpose. One of them even kept saying [to who I have no idea] "kiss me I'm Irish." I think that was the dude, but he was the nuttiest looking of them all.

We got inside and I felt like I must be in yuppie heaven. The inside had a very modern feel with soothing colours and calming, yet hip music playing. I have no idea who it was though. Some people were sitting at tables as though they were regulars, which is kind of funny because there are only a handful of tables in there anyways. But standing in line and waiting, slowly inching forward I made my way past various items that were on display and ultimately for sale. I saw a 10 cup coffee maker that looked like it was made out of stainless steel. I thought it looked kind of cool until I saw the $119.00 price tag on it. No thanks. I probably don't make coffee enough to justify anything like that. In fact, I have a hard enough time spending $30 for one. It must be my Scotch heritage.

So I made my way up to the counter and told the lady that I'd take just a regular Breakfast Blend and she reached back and grabbed a cup and put a lid on it and then sounded like she said something about how I was lucky enough to get something Columbian something or other. I don't know.

Then I saw one of the deaf guys who was ahead of me at the little creamer table that they had. The poor guy was trying to get the lid off of his cup and ended up spilling the whole thing all over the table and on to the floor. I reached for a paw full of napkins and handed them to him and he mouthed "thank you" to me as one of the younger Brown brothers [who I know that works there] popped out to clean up the mess and get him a replacement.

After I had my cut I decided that it was time to get out of Dodge. I headed back to the office, the whole 2 block walk; but the blocks betwixt the caffine cave and my building are fairly big blocks. It was still chilly with a cutting cold breeze that made me remember that my stocking cap was still in my car on the passenger seat. No big deal though because I was getting closer with each step.

Part of the time I kept thinking back to what I had read about this ordeal from this morning's small descriptive article from the Chicago Tribune. They said that this offering of Starbucks to the community comes only a week after McDonalds started offering "high end" coffee. Somehow that just seems really suspicious to me, not in a conspiracy theory sort of way, but from a cost perspective. The reality of that would mean that Mickey D's coffee could now potentially go from being $.75 a cup to $1.75. I suppose some of the younger yuppies might go for that but certainly not the old timers. Not to mention the sheer irony alone of the golden arches being even close to competion with the other bean giants of the world. But I digress...

I got back to the office, realizing as I was walking back to my desk, the countless times that I have razzed my co-workers about going to waste their money at the local dark watering hole. It dawned on me that my now holding a cup that bore their emblem would normally put me dangerously close to being guilty of what I often accused them of, but not today. Today I'm in the clear...but only because this one was on the house.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

An Ever Present Pain

I have had the opportunity in my life to have known two very great and important people. They were people who had a very deep impact on my life in more ways than I can count and both of them have passed on. My grandfather and my aunt. My grandpa died 10 years ago, and my aunt 11.

I find myself still thinking of them often. Whenever I look into my daughters eyes and see the love of life and fun that she has I think of my aunt Laura. She was a very beautiful woman. She had reddish brown hair, hazel eyes, dark skin. She was usually the life of the party. She was a devoted mother and wife. Very active in her church and extended family and a top sales rep for her company.

I used to talk to her about almost everything as a teen. When I was afraid to talk to my parents or grandparents I went to her. She was a listener. People loved her deeply. At the age of 35 she was stricken with breast cancer. She went through the treatments and beat it...and then it came back and killed her within 6 weeks. Her funeral had nearly 1000 attendees. I had never seen so many people at a funeral service in my life.

I wasn't there with her the night that she died, but I was there the night before, shortly before she went into her final coma. We were all standing around the bed as she gave her "last orders" to everyone. I just remember standing there on her right side crying and telling her that I loved her and that I would miss her. She looked back at me and in a very scratch and weak voice she told me "Christopher, I'm so proud of you. Don't cry for me. Be brave. You have grown up to be a fine young man."

I can still remember standing there next to the bed fighting the tears. We eventually had to go home. Mom and Dad took my sister and I home for the night and then they headed back to the hospital to be with her and the rest of the family. A few hours after they all reassembled at the hospital around her bed. She slipped into her last coma and gracefully died.

Laura was the glue that held our family together. She had the ability to be tough enough when everyone needed to get their butts kicked by her. She loved God, her work and her family. She was a great mom to her kids.

At the graveside service, before they lowered the casket into the ground, I took off my ID bracelet that had my name on it and clipped it onto the hand bar of the wooden box in which she lay. In a way I wanted a piece of me to go with her. I did feel as though a part of me also died with her.

She is continually on my mind and there is not a time that goes by when I still don't cry when I run across an old picture of her.

My other hero was my grandpa, Bob. He was the quirkiest guy I knew. His clothes seldom matched, he was always making strange noises and sounds with his mouth, he always had a joke, and seemed to get along with everyone.

I remember when I was a kid spending a lot of time up at the hospital visiting him. He had French Polio for a while and got over it. I was really too little to understand everything that was going on at the time.

As I got older and could understand some more things I saw him go through two heart attacks and open heart surgeories; both of which he pulled through.

My sister and I used to spend pretty close to every weekend with my grandparents. Grandpa and I would build things in his shed. I would help him with things around the house and we would often get up early and go fishing together on summer mornings. When they lived in an apartment complex for older people he and I would go for breakfast almost every Saturday morning at Perkins restaurant which was just a short walk away. He would let me order whatever I wanted to and he would just sit and drink coffee. We would talk about all kinds of things.

When I was old enough he found an old battery powered car for me. Someone had thrown it away and he fixed it up. He put new wheels on it, a new steering wheel and a new battery. I used to drive that thing everywhere. And when I was even older yet, he made me a pair of stiltz. I had never had anything like that before. I felt like I was on top of the world.

The most exciting and probably memorable part of all my time with him was when I turned 14. I had just gotten my driver's license. He had gotten in too many accidents on the side of the road when out hunting for empty pop cans so grandma told him that he couldn't drive anymore. So I had a new job- I was now grandpa's driver. He had a little 2-door Honday CVCC that we drove everywhere. In essense he really taught me the essentials of driving. It was during a lot of those drives that I got to know the most about him.

He had worked in the saw mills of Oregon as a young man until he decided to enlist in the Navy during WWII. When he got out of the Navy he decided to go into the ministry. He served in the ministry for about 30 years before he had to retire due to health reasons. He loved psychology and history. When he died I inherited all of his books that he hadn't already donated to various churches. I think that inadvertently I also inherited so much more from him.

Even though I got busier with things toward the end of High School I would still go over to grandpa's house and help him with different things around the house and yard. Sometimes I would just have time to kill and so I'd go visit for no real reason at all. He was just nice to be around. I used to call him up and ask him questions about various things that I was studying...and he would occasionally call me just to say hi and tell me that he loved me.

I remember him calling to talk to me on a Sunday afternoon and I was gone. When I got home my mom told me that he had called and for some stupid reason I pushed it back on the odds that he would call back later. The next day I went to school, then piano lessons, then show choir rehersal. I got home around 9pm and my mom got home shortly after. There was a message from Grandma asking that mom call her "as quickly as she got home." I heard mom pick up the phone and start to talk to grandma...then I heard her yelling and crying "NNNOOOOOOO!!!" Grandpa had died earlier that night. He and Grandma had been talking throughout the evening and eventually he closed his eyes for a nap, as he often did, only this time he didn't wake up.

For the longest time I hated myself for not calling him back sooner. I thought that maybe somehow if I would have just called him back and talked to him that it could have changed the course of fate or destiny and he would still be here today. I eventually stopped blaming myself though. That's not to say that I don't regret not having that one last conversation with him though. God, I wish I could have heard his voice that one last time.

It has been 10 years since his death and I still miss him. I miss him when I sing the songs with my daughter that he used to sing with me. I miss him when I tell the jokes that he used to tell. I miss him when I look into my son's face and see that he looks so much like his great grandpa.

Laura and Grandpa, there are probably so many more pages that I could fill with things to say about you but I just don't have the time or the energy.

I know that you probably aren't even aware that I spent the time writing this stuff down, or aware of my tears that have fallen down my face as I think about you, but I guess for my sake I just wanted to tell you both how badly I've missed you and that I can't wait until we meet again.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Some Views I Hold- Part I

The Creation/Genesis Account
I have read a lot and listened to many debates about this issue and have to admit that I often walk away scratching my head. So many people hold so many different views and I don't doubt their sincerity or scholarship, but sometimes the final product is what ends up bothering me.

I grew up with the firm belief that God created the world exactly in the fashion laid out in Genesis 1-2. The interpretation of this passage was to be taken literally to understand that God created the Universe and all that is in it in a literal span of 6 24 hour days. I had no problem believing that. To me it made enough sense, but more than anything else it served as a concrete foundation for everything else that I believed to stand on. Now I am older. I don't want to be so arrogant as to think that my mind has matured to the point to thinking that believing the same way is somehow childish; but I do believe that much of my understanding of how to read Genesis has changed.

Earlier today I was listening to a discussion between a Reformed pastor and a former Church of Christ pastor-gone-atheist. The Reformed pastor is someone who is called a presuppositionalist. In short, what that means is that when it comes to examining any kind of issue, the basic presupposition or starting place of reason is that the Bible [read in its literal form] is the basis and starting point by which all things should be examined. So this was the jist of the conversation- The Reformed pastor asked the ex-pastor what the initial step was to his "deconversion" from Christianity. The ex-pastor said that it all started when he began to study Genesis from a literal reading and compare it to science. He began to find that there were several ways in which science seemed to contradict what the Bible said happened. From there it was all just a downward spiral toward unbelief.

The Reformed pastor then explained to the ex-pastor why that was a dangerous thing to do; take the Bible out of the "figuring out" process. They talked a little bit about different theories behind how the world and universe came about. The Reformer seemed like he was absolutely set on filtering all external information through his literal interpretation of Genesis. Needless to say, neither party was totally convincing in their arguments.

So what do I believe? None of this is conclusive or exclusive and is primarily an argument from literature and philosophy, but I have spent about a year or two really studying and thinking about the issue and through my journey I have arrived at this view- I believe that the creation account laid out in Genesis is just a spiritual metaphor for-

1. Contrasting the Pagan ideas that the Creator was removed from his Creation by including God in the narritive as being actively involved in the creation of each part of the life system.
2. Showing the purpose of life being that of having a relationship with God.
3. Showing the interaction between God and his creation of Man and how Man failed the test.
4. Showing the effects of that failure and its consequential outworking throughout the rest of Creation.

Why do I believe this? Why don't I put as much stock anymore in to a literal reading of the account? For a number of reasons. This is in no way a comprehensive list, not do I intend to delve into all of the scientific and theological issues involved with it, but just kind of a thought progression of a studied "pew muffin" like myself.

I have several questions that come to mind when I read the text. The first question is this- If God created the world in only 6 days, then what kind of time frame do we use to explain the amount of time that makes up a day?

a. I know that there are many different explanations for this one. The most common explanation is to compare how the Hebrew word yom [day] is used in other passages of Scripture. I don't know if this is really the best test though, because like in the English language, Hebrew can use one word in many different ways. There are many passages throughout the rest of the Bible that allude to the idea that God's perception/usage of time is much different than ours is; i.e. "a day unto the Lord is as a thousand years."

b. The passage itself lends thought to the idea that God set things in motion, and then stuck around long enough to see if they would naturally continue to do what he told them to do; e.g. "And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, [and] the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed [is] in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, [and] herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed [was] in itself, after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good." So it looks like here that God gave the command, then stood back and watched and saw that it obeyed. That doesn't just happen usually in only 24 hours.

c. God didn't even make the sun and moon to govern the day and night until the "4th day."

Another question that comes up is- If Adam and Eve were the first humans and they had children, did they have them before or after the fall?

a. If they had them before the fall, then it is plausable to believe that they could have had tons and tons of children without them being genetically screwed up from what we have adopted to believe are the "effects of sin." However, the text tends to say that they didn't have any until after the fall because that is how God said that Eve would be "saved"- through childbearing.

b. Since it tends to convey that they were born after the fall not only does it leave out all of the other hundreds of children that they would have also had to have in order to "replenish" [KJV] the earth, but it also doesn't seem to be compatible with the idea of genetic mutation that is understood to have come about from the fall.

c. The use of the word "replenish" in the command that God gave to them in populating the earth. This is the same thing that he told Noah to do after the flood; so who was here before Adam and Eve? You cannot replenish something if it didn't first have something else. He told them to replenish the earth which means that they were to once again fill a void that was caused by the absense of something else.

Another question I ran across was- What did it mean that a suitable helper was not found for Adam? Many other sources that I have read say that God tried to find compatibility with Adam and many of the different animals but that companionshp that he made Adam to need couldn't be filled by any of them.

Another issue- Are "Adam" and "Eve" names or symbols? We have come to believe that they are names, but in the Hebrew they are actually titles. Adam isn't a person's name, but rather it is a word that means man as in mankind. And the word Eve means from mankind. So is this talking about only two individuals, or a group of people, or a thing? I tend to believe that the picture here is that of mankind being created and the "Eve" that was created was man's ability to perform functions or actions that flowed out of himself. So how would the text read according to my observations?

"And God made a dwelling place for mankind. And God took mankind and breathed into him the breath of life. Then God said 'it is not good for man to be alone; so he put him into a deep sleep and drew out of him the ability to work. This would be his fulfillment or sense of purpose that God made for him."

So I don't see Adam and Eve as literal people who were the first people to be created, but rather a symbol of the human race in whatever form it existed, in whatever way it was made by God.

The Fall

There are some issues that come into play with the Fall that are also interesting to note that make it difficult to read this account as an actual literal event that happened. Let's talk about them.

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil- Most of the time we are taught that Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God in that they ate from the tree. That may be so, but what I am more interested in is what kind of tree it was. It wasn't just a tree, but a tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So it wasn't that God didn't want them to eat of the tree, but he didn't want them to eat and gain the knowledge of what good and evil was. This is re-iterated later on in Genesis 3 when God makes the decision to ban them from "the garden" when he says "now they have become like us in that they know good and evil." It wasn't that they ate, but rather now the knowledge that they possessed from eating it.

The Serpent- The narritive says that the serpent was more cunning than any of the other beasts of the field. This serpent not only had the ability to talk, but he apparently also probably walked either upright or was amphibious in nature. First he talks to the Woman. She then argues with him and misconstrues God's words to her by adding to the story. She then talks the Man into "sinning" with her. Then they are both cursed and then the serpent is cursed also to now go about on his belly and eat the dust of the earth. Then God told him that there would forever be friction between the Serpent's offspring and Man's offspring. So this serpent also supposedly had physical consequences for tempting the man and the woman.

If the Serpent in question here is Satan, it is interesting to note that the Hebrew word for Satan is haSatan. This word simply means, the adversary or the opposer. There are so many numerous places throughout the rest of the Bible where Mankind, or the whole Human Race is also called the "enemy of God." Ephesians even states that we were "enemies of God in our minds." So was there a real talking snake in the garden? I tend to think not. The only other place throughout all the rest of the Bible where an animal speaks is when Baalam's donkey speaks; and that only seems to be because no one else was around.

I tend to see the temptation of the snake in Genesis to be a picture of how Mankind was created in the image of God. God put within man, and pulled out of man [Eve- out of man] the ability to work and produce. In his work and produce though he was tempted by his own opposition to follow after the "lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life." He saw that the pursuit to be like God in knowing or judging for himself what was good or evil could try to somehow replace his need for his Maker. This was later done all over again at the Tower of Babel. James says that "when a man is tempted he is drawn away and enticed by his own lust." So the snake is just the picture of how easily a man can get into trouble when he lets his work get the best of him. This is ultimately sin before God; that the whole human race has replaced the need for God by their work and desire to be as God.

The Expulsion From The Garden-
After the Fall, God convenes with the rest of the Trinity and they decide that they don't want Mankind to remain in the Garden in this illuminated state "lest they eat from the tree of life and live forever." Now, He had already told them that if they ate from the tree that they would die [Heb. "in dying you will die"] so what does this mean that they could now live forever? Is it a contradiction? I don't think so. I think that it is another picture of God's intent to ban them from the idea of perfection. They had become like him [in abstract theory] and he would not compete with them. Now, even though he bans them from the Garden and will not allow them to return he takes the next step to cover them with protection. He makes clothes for them after they see their nakedness. He provides another land for them to live in. He treats them well. Then he gives the curses also in that Mankind would now suffer pain in his work, and that Womankind would be saved in childbearing.

Then they have kids. Cain kills Abel. Cain gets banished out of the land of his father and becomes a nomad but yet finds himself a wife in a distant land. Where did she come from? Who else was there on the earth scattered around in various locations already? Did the authors of Genesis leave that out?

I do not take Genesis to be the literal explanation as to how the world began. In light of all the other parts of the rest of the Scripture, I understand Genesis to be the symbolic explanation of how the progression of man lead up to the birth of the nation of Israel.

It is not my attempt to use this as a means to poke fun of those to take a literal view of these "beginning things" but rather to just try and look at them from another perspective. I do not believe that it is damaging to take these things and read them from a literal perspective, but I personally find that they have so much more meaning when put into the poetic literary context in which they were written. Jesus always seemed to be about looking beyond what was clearly seen by the naked eye to see the mystery that was hidden underneath.

In closing- I greatly disagree with the Pastor who thinks that leaving behind a fundamentalist understanding of the Scriptures is just heading for trouble. That may be what he needs for his own journey of faith; but I am not alone when I say that the road of this spiritual walk indeed has been paved by those who can see beyond the paint and the canvas to see the picture that the artist intended to paint.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Finding the Gospel of Jesus

I ran across this piece over on Christianity Today.com and thought that it was worth duplicating here. [Most of the time I don't find much worth reading on that website]

Read and consider what Donald Miller [author of Blue Like Jazz] has to offer in this thought provoking piece.

Searching for the Gospel of Jesus
by Donald Miller
from Outreach magazine, January/February 2006

My friend Greg and I have been talking quite a bit about what it means to follow Jesus. Greg wouldn't consider himself to be somebody who takes Jesus seriously, but he admits to having questions. I didn't have a formula for him to understand how a Christian conversion works, but I told him that many years ago, when I was a child, I had heard about Jesus and found the idea of Him compelling; then much later while reading the Gospels, I came to believe I wanted to follow Him. This changed things in my life, I said, because it involved giving up everything and choosing to go into a relationship with Him.

Greg said he'd seen a pamphlet with four or five ideas on it, ideas such as man was a sinner, sin separated man from God, and Christ died to absolve the separation. He asked me if this was what I believed, and I told him, essentially, that it was. "Those would be the facts of the story," I said, "but that isn't the story."
"Those are the ideas, but it isn't the narrative," Greg stated rhetorically.
"Yes," I told him.

Earlier that same year, I had a conversation with my friend Omar, who's a student at a local college. For his humanities class, Omar was assigned to read the majority of the Bible. He asked to meet with me for coffee, and when we sat down, he put a Bible on the table, as well as a pamphlet offering the same five or six ideas Greg had mentioned. He opened the pamphlet, read the ideas and asked if these concepts were important to the central message of Christianity. I told Omar they were critical, that basically this was the Gospel of Jesus, the backbone of Christian faith. Omar then opened his Bible and asked, "If these ideas are so important, why aren't they in this book?"
"But the Scripture references are right here," I said curiously, showing Omar that the verses were printed next to each idea.
"I see that," he said. "But in the Bible, they aren't concise like they are in this pamphlet. They're spread out all over the book."
"But this pamphlet is a summation of the ideas," I clarified.
"Right," Omar continued, "but it seems like, if these ideas are that critical, God would've taken the time to make bullet-points out of them. Instead, He put some of them here and some of them there. And half the time, when Jesus is talking, He is speaking entirely in parables. It's hard to believe that whatever it is He's talking about can be summed up this simply."

Explaining Mystery
Omar's point is well taken. And while the ideas presented in these pamphlets are certainly true, it struck me how simply we, the Church, had begun to explain the ideas, not only how simply, but also how non-relationally, how propositionally. I'm not faulting the pamphlets at all. Tracts such as the ones Omar and Greg encountered have been powerful tools in helping people understand the beauty of the message of Christ. Millions, perhaps, have come to know Jesus through these efficient presentations of the Gospel. I did, however, begin to wonder if there were better ways of explaining it. But the greater trouble with these reduced ideas is that modern evangelical culture is so accustomed to this summation that it's difficult for us to see the Gospel as anything other than a list of true statements with which a person must agree.
It makes me wonder if, because of this reduced version of the claims of Christ, we believe the Gospel is easy to understand—a simple mental exercise—not in the least bit mysterious. And if you think about it, a person has a more difficult time explaining romantic love, for instance, or beauty, or the Trinity, than the Gospel of Jesus. John would open his Gospel by presenting the idea that God is the Word and Jesus is the Word and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Not exactly bullet points for easy consumption. Perhaps our reduction of these ideas has caused us to miss something.

Each year, I teach a class on the Gospel and culture at a small Bible college back east. This year, I asked the students to list the precepts someone would need to understand to become a Christian. I stood at the white board and they called out ideas: Man is sinful by nature; sin separates us from God; Jesus died for our sins; we could accept Jesus into our hearts, and so on.
Then, looking at the board, I began to ask some questions about these almost universally accepted ideas. I asked if a person could believe all these ideas were true and yet not be a Christian.

I told them my friend Matt, for instance, believed all these ideas and yet would never claim to be a person who knows Jesus or much less follows Him. The students conceded that, in fact, a person could know and even believe all the concepts on the board and yet not be a Christian.
"Then there is something missing, isn't there?" I said to the class. "It isn't watertight just yet. There must be some idea we're leaving out, some fool-proof thing a person has to agree with to have a relationship with Christ."

We sat together and looked at the board for several minutes until we conceded we weren't going to come up with the missing element. Then I erased the board and asked the class a different question: "What ideas would a guy need to agree with, or what steps would he need to take, to fall in love with a girl?" The class chuckled a bit, but I continued, going so far as to begin a list.

1. A guy would have to get to know her.

I stood back from the board and wondered out loud what the next step might be.
"Any suggestions?" I asked the class.
We thought about it for a second, and then one of the students spoke up, "It isn't exactly a scientific process."

Missing the Messiah
On yet another occasion teaching that same class, I presented a form of the Gospel but left out a key element to see if they would notice. I told them in advance that I was going to leave out a critical element of the Gospel, and I asked them to listen carefully to figure out the missing piece.

I told them man was sinful, and this was obvious when we looked at the culture we lived in. I pointed out specific examples of depravity, including homosexuality, abortion, drug use, song lyrics on the radio, newspaper headlines and so on. Then I told the class that man must repent, and showed them Scriptures that spoke firmly to this idea.

Then I spoke of the beauty and rewards of living a moral life. I talked about heaven and told the students how their lives could be God-honoring and God-centered. Repenting, I said, would give them a sense of purity and a feeling of fulfillment on earth.

When I was done, I rested my case and asked the class if they could tell me what I had left out of this Gospel presentation. I waited as a class of Bible college students—who had all taken an evangelism class only weeks before in which they went door-to-door to hundreds of homes and shared their faith—sat there for several minutes in uncomfortable silence. None of the 45 students realized I had presented a Gospel without once mentioning the name of Jesus.

The story bears repeating: I presented a Gospel to Christian Bible college students and left out Jesus. Nobody noticed, even when I said I was neglecting something important, even when I asked the class to think very hard about what I had left out, even when I stood there for five minutes in silence.

To a culture of people that believes they "go to heaven" based on whether or not they're morally pure, or that they understand some theological ideas, or that they are very spiritual, Jesus is completely unnecessary. At best, He is an afterthought, a technicality by which we become morally pure, or a subject we know about, or a founding father of our woo-woo spirituality.
I assure you, these students loved Jesus very much. It's just that when they thought of the Gospel, they thought of the message in terms of a series of thoughts or principles, not mysterious relational dynamics.

The least important of the ideas, to this class, was knowing Jesus; the least important of the ideas was the one that's relational. The Gospel of Jesus, then, mistakenly assumed by this class, is something different from Jesus Himself. The two are mutually exclusive in this way.
This, of course, is a lie birthed out of a method of communication the Bible never uses.

Finding the Gospel
Imagine a pamphlet explaining the Gospel of Jesus that said something like this:
You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ. You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him, His purity allowing God to interact with you. And because of this, you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride. All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps, martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.

Though it sounds absurd, this is a much more accurate summation of the Gospel of Jesus than the bullet points we like to consider when we think about Christ's Gospel. Perhaps the reason Scripture includes so much poetry within and outside the narrative, so many parables and stories, so many visions and emotional letters, is because it is attempting to describe a relational break man tragically experienced with God and a disturbed relational history man has had since then and, furthermore, a relational dynamic man must embrace to have relational intimacy with God once again.

Maybe the Gospel of Jesus, in other words, is all about our relationship with Jesus rather than about ideas. And perhaps our lists and formulas and bullet points are nice in the sense they help us memorize different truths, but harmful in the sense they delude, or perhaps ignore, the necessary relationship that must begin between God and us for us to become His followers. And worse, perhaps our formulas and bullet points and steps steal the sincerity we might engage God with.

Becoming a Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies. Don't get me wrong—I'm not saying that for someone to know Jesus, he or she must get a kind of crush on Him. But I am suggesting that, not unlike any other relationship, a person might need to understand that Jesus is alive, that He is God, that we need to submit to Him, that He has the power to save, and so on—all of which are ideas, but ideas entangled in a kind of relational dynamic. This seems more logical to me, because if God made us and wants to know us, then this would require a more mysterious interaction than following a recipe.

In fact, I believe the Bible is screaming this idea and is completely silent on any other, including our formulas and bullet points. It seems, rather, that Christ's parables and His words about eating His flesh and drinking His blood were designed to bypass the memorization of ideas and cause us to wrestle with a certain need to cling to Him. In other words, a poetic presentation of the Gospel of Jesus is more accurate than a set of steps.

Biblically, you're hard-pressed to find theological ideas divorced from their relational context. There are, essentially, three dominant scriptural metaphors describing our relationship with God: sheep to a shepherd, child to a father and bride to a bridegroom. In fact, few places in Scripture speak to the Christian conversion experience through any method other than relational metaphor.

Contrasting this idea, I recently heard a man, while explaining how a person could convert to Christianity, say the experience was not unlike a person who sits in a chair. He said that while a person can have faith that a chair will hold him, it's not until he sits in the chair that he has acted on his faith.

I wondered as I heard this if the chair was a kind of a symbol for Jesus, and how irritated Jesus might be if a lot of people kept trying to sit on Him. And then I wondered at how Jesus could say He was a Shepherd and we were sheep, and that the Father in heaven was our Father and we were His children, and that He Himself was a Bridegroom and we were His bride, and yet we somehow missed His meaning and thought becoming a Christian was like sitting in a chair.

Rainy Days and Sundays

It is Sunday and once again we are not to be found in church. My wife isn't feeling very well and my daughter has a headache. I got dad duties while the Mrs. took a nap and changing my son's diaper is like trying to wrestle an aligator. He flops around and tries to get out of it any way he can. Well I don't really think that he's trying to get out of getting his pants changed but rather just wanting to roll around.

I woke up this morning at about 6:30 from a very bizarre dream. It was one of those naked dreams; you know where you're the only one who's naked. I was back in school for some reason [high school] and I was married, but then suddenly I remembered that I had been married before only it was a very short marriage. I think that it only lasted about 5 days. I don't know why it didn't last. My only guess is that we realized that it was a mistake. The problem was that I couldn't remember if we had just split up or if we actually finalized the divorce. Since I was remarried I really wanted to make sure that things had been finalized with the previous divorce because I didn't want to get in trouble for bigamy. The long and the short of it is that it was a very bizarre dream and I didn't want to have it again. One of those that you just wake up exhausted from.

So I tried to do some shopping with my daughter yesterday. Things started out OK, but then she reached a point where she decided that she didn't really want to listen to me any longer. She just wanted to do things her way instead of mine. That can cause a lot of problems that you just don't normally think about. It is a good parable about God though.

We keep trying to teach our daughter that it is important to listen and obey us the first time we command her...especially in the small things. If she can be obedient in the small things then we know that she can be trusted with big things. Yes, sometimes it does seem crass to discipline her for not bringing us a Kleenex, but if she doesn't know how to obey right away in something like that, the chances of her getting hurt later on because of not obeying are higher.

We survived shopping and had to administer some discipline when we got home but overall she is a pretty good kid.

Obedience to God is important. It isn't really complicated. Thank God he is more patient than we are. He sees the end before he plans the means.

So even though we aren't in the physical building this morning, we are still having "church." Life- welcome to the sanctuary.

Friday, March 10, 2006

What the...???

Hey Kids! I really couldn't tell you why, but I have been waking up for the last couple of days at around 5am; 2 hours before my alarm is scheduled to beep. Well, this morning tops them all. I went to bed last night at around 10:30pm and now it is only just coming up on 3am and I'm wide awake. This hasn't happened in quite a while; but I must say that I do feel like I am fairly rested. I think that if I stay this awake, I might just watch a movie and then go into work early so I can come home early.

So what's new in movies? I was reading on the Internet Movie Database website about some new flicks coming out soon. I am pretty excited about some of the up and comers. Next week V for Vendetta comes out. And then in the near future another movie that is based on a book that I read called Thank You For Smoking comes out. Later on this year we will see The Brazilian Job. [No, that one doesn't have anything to do with waxing any certain areas on one's body]

Speaking of movies, I have two fresh ones that I am just waiting to watch. The first one is Ice Harvest with Billy Bob Thornton and John Cusak. They are hitmen, but I just love anything with John Cusak...especially see High Fidelity and Gross Pointe Blank. And the other movie on the queue is Transamerica with Felicity Huffman concerning issues pertaining to transgender/gender reassignment issues.

Why do I watch so many movies? I don't know, I just do.

Now, if you'll excuse me I think I'll go watch one of my current favourites- Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Shamoo is on the loose

Whether he is or not is really of no interest to me. I think that it is so ironic that the friendliest of all sea mammals is dolphin. And then to go on to name a football team the Dolphins...where does it end?

I almost got T-Boned in a parking lot yesterday. I was leaving and this other driver wasn't really paying much attention to who else was in the lot and they were going pretty fast. There was no squealing of the tires or anything like that but they stopped literally just inches away from my car. Now, anyone who has seen my car knows that it really wouldn't hurt the appearance if someone else rammed into it. But I had to admit for a moment that I was excited at the prospect of getting run into. It would have been a passenger side plow.

Being that my car isn't worth anything as it is, I figured that the other guy's insurance company would just take my car and give me a cash settlement. I would then turn around and have my vehicle negotiator find me a nice newer used car like the one I have, and then I'd be riding sweet again with no money out of my pocket.

But alas, I didn't get hit. I'm glad though too because it always takes insurance companies a grip and a half to do anything, unless both drivers are insured by the same place. And it was raining and I didn't want to have to stand out in the rain.

Does anyone read this blog? I know that Steve, Travis, Eric, Jadon, and my wife read it...and some other chick out there who commented on my post about Wal-Mart, but who else? Let your voice be heard!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Waffle House

I haven't felt this nauseated in quite a while and this time my meds have nothing to do with it. Tonight my wife and I made up about 500 waffles. Well, it was actually probably more like 30, but still...

I came to a point where I actually had to leave the kitchen because I needed a break from the mayhem. I didn't realize that leaving the area would just make things worse. When I came back into the kitchen the smell, what started out as a nice smell, just went horribly wrong. I am just thinking at this point that it very well may be a while until I eat any more waffles.

In other news we had a scare tonight. My daughter was playing some some magnetic numbers that go on the fridge and she happened to have the "division" sign in her hand that she thought should go in my son's mouth. He was jumping around and the piece got pushed to the back of his throat. He cried for a minute or two and then started coughing and then threw up some of his supper that I noticed also had some blood in it. She had apparently cut the inside of his throat with the corner of this plastic magnet.

He cried for a bit longer and then once I put him in front of his mom then he started to calm down and smile. So a few minutes later I gave him some water to see if that would help wash things out a bit and he seemed to do alright with it. I am praying that nothing serious has happened. My daughter still doesn't understand the severity of it all.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Another Gray Day

I had to go to our Collection center today for Disaster Recovery testing today with some of our business units. Each time I go out there it only takes a couple of minutes of eavesdropping on some of the calls to remind me that I'm glad that I neither work there, nor have them calling me at home.

I guess it takes a big pair to work in Collections. You have to deal with people who are passed due on their accounts for whatever reason. For the most part they have their valid reasons. These are people who get called from the "30 Day Bucket." But I talked to a girl out there today who said that she used to be in the Recovery part of it. These are people who are calling customers who are 90-120 days passed due on their accounts. These are the people who also call in the big bald guys that you see on TLC to come and repo your cars, computers, TVs, etc. She said that those people that she called about those accounts were some of the worst to have to talk to. She said that one lady that she called was very delinquent on her mortgage payment. The lady supposedly told her that she wasn't going to make the payments any more because the bank didn't tell her "thank you" when she mailed in more than what the minimum monthly payment was. Does that sound legit? Apparently the customer thought so.

But like I said, it only takes a minute of listening to these bulldogs on the phone trying to collect the late Benjamins to remind me that I don't have it so bad.

It wasn't very pretty out today either. I guess we are getting some much needed rain, but it was just cold and wet with a lot of wind. I had to park quite a ways away from the Collection center today because the lot was full. As I got into the parking lot, I saw this SUV driving around slowly that had 2 people in the front seat. The driver honked at me and waved as if he knew me. I thought that the face looked familiar but it was also hard to see with all the raindrops on my glasses. My 2nd guess was that he thought he knew me, but had mistaken me for someone else, but by the time he waved it was too late. I hate it when I do that.

They say that spring is just around the corner and I hope that it is. Driving on the freeway can be scary this time of year. Combinations of slush and rain and feeling your car hydroplaning beneath you. I'm not scared of my driving, it is always being afraid of what the guy in front or behind you is going to do. I would like to give a statistic now about how many accidents could be avoided if the other guy would have just been a little more careful...but fault is always in the eyes of the defendant.

I have been giving a lot more serious thought to writing a book/story that I have wanted to for some time now. I think that in order for it to make any sense in my mind I am either going to have to have it be based on experiences that have been slightly altered or have it be fiction all together. I don't really consider myself to be a novelist and I wouldn't even know where to begin in trying to find someone to publish it...much less get someone to sell it. I think I'll leave out fight scenes with cross dressers and chineese stars.

Maybe I could write a script and send it to Kevin Smith [Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back] and he could put it to film and pay me a percentage of what the movie takes in. Maybe I'll just keep blogging and see what happens.

I found me on a handheld

I had some time to kill today so I broke out my Blackberry, which I hadn't used in a while and decided to surf the web through the Blackberry web portal. I was just curious so I went to the Google search page and did a search for The Reluctant Disciple. Sure enough, hit number 2 was my blog. So I pulled up the page and not only did I see my text, but I also saw all of the images from the previous screenshots for Linspire that I had posted as well.

Ain't technology grand? So if you've got a Blackberry, you can apparently keep up with me; even on the go. But you won't have to do it too quickly...I don't.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

A Gray Sunday In The Heartland

It has been one of those Sundays. The sky was gray and cloudy all day. I think that the temp only got up to about 40 today. It was also damp from a little rain that we got last night. I noticed out on the front porch that our dog also decided to drag a dead bird up for us to "enjoy."

I didn't really feel like doing anything today, but I played with the kids. We skipped church and the neighbor came over and we watched Cannonball Run. I guess it wasn't as great of a movie as I remembered, but it still had its funny points. Then after the kids were in bed for their naps I finally watched the old Kevin Smith film Clerks. Yeah, I know that it is an older movie so you'll ask "where have you been?" I don't know. I can't really say that it was the greatest movie that I have ever seen but I did like some of the final statements of the film. These two fools were talking about life and one of them said that it just seemed like the biggest problem that other one was having in his life was just that he was trying to make his life out to be more than it was.

He essentially told him that in reality that he really wasn't much. He worked at a gas station attendant. It wasn't a glamourous job and he wasn't going anywhere...so stop pretending that everything is everyone else's fault.

I guess that's probably what each of us longs for; the desire to feel like what we do is really more than it is.

What do I do? Well, it seems like latley most of my spare time is spent wishing that I was asleep, but then I realize how much of a waste of time that would be. I just can't help it though.

I really wanted to sleep yesterday but we were going to have company last night and I figured it would be easier to clean if I were awake so I opted only to "rest my eyes" for about 10 minutes; just long enough to try and get my bearings again.

I go back to work tomorrow to see what happens. Each day is in its own way launching out into the unknown. I think that I am going to start looking for a new job more intensely.

Well, I gotta run. My daughter is jumping on the couch and my son is screaming on the floor wanting someone to hold him.

It's supposed to be kind of cold tomorrow too.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Friday Afternoon In The Universe

The week is coming to its end. I am sitting here at work just wanting to be elsewhere. An old buddy of mine and I are going to get together for lunch. I haven't seen him in quite a long time. He is the guy that I wrote about a few posts back about having some questions concerning his journey with God.

I have heard that it is decent outside, but I haven't been out yet. It was still pretty chilly when I got to work. I imagine I'll find out in a few minutes when I step out for a tar stick.

So what am I doing this weekend? I am helping my wife clean the house. I have been noticing little corners in the bathroom and kitchen that haven't been cleaned in a while and rather than blame it on her, I am going to take ownership of it. Yeah, that's right; I don't like the whole blame shifting thing in our house. I figure that if something is bothering me it isn't because she hasn't done it, but because I haven't. I like to assume my own personal responsibility in some of these matters because quite frankly my wife has enough on her plate as it is with the kids, laundry, making meals, taking care of herself. She just regularly has a lot on her plate.

I am also going to try and sneak in a movie or two. I am hoping to get started on watching Cannonball Run. That is a classic. I haven't watched it for probably about 20 years but it is about time that I do once again. We all miss Dom Delouise.

I am going to take this afternoon to scour the other bloggers out there and see what's going on.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Oui!

Well...it's been one of those surreal days. I don't remember if I blogged or not about my doctor's decision to up my dosage of meds. Oh wait, I guess that's what the "Up Yours" post was all about. I started the increase last night and I should not have taken it right before bed.

I knew that one of the side effects of Lexapro was either fatigue or insomnia. I got the insomnia. So the long and the short of it is that I got up yesterday morning @ 7am, and I didn't go to bed until this morning until about 3:30 and then didn't actually fall asleep until about 4am. I guess if I was still in college it wouldn't be so bad, but I've got a job; which I stayed home from so that I wouldn't accidentally pass out on the drive home from.

So what did I do with my spare time in the wee hours? I rebuilt my personal laptop. That's right- I broke the Windows and christened it with Linspire by Linux.

Initially I was getting really frustrated because I just couldn't get the install to go past the beginning phase. I thought after a while that it was a problem with the ACPI setting on the BIOS, then I thought that it might be the actual DVD drive, so I changed the settings and even swapped out drives and the problem still persisted. Then after a little while I decided to actually read the error logs that were being thrown up during the diagnostic sessions and it turns out that it was having trouble reading the source files. So after sitting back and wishing that I was asleep, I decided that I would try re-burning the CD again from the original ISO that I had. I tried it one last time and BINGO!!!

So now I'm all up and running again. My browser is working, email is configured, I got my BitTorrent client finally figured out. I did find though that someone of my ignorance is better off going with all of the pre-packaged software installs that you can get through the CNR Warehouse that Linspire offers. Reason being is that when I was having problems with my LTorrent software I figured that the best option would be to just choose a different software package. The problem was that I couldn't install the software because Linspire doesn't come with any compilers built in. You can install one, but that is out of my league because it involves really knowing a lot more about coding that I have no clue about.

I will say that that is one advantage that Windows certainly has over Linux from a regular user's perspective- the simplicity of point and click software installation. The market for the average user is certianly in the court of Microsoft, but there is also so much more risk.

What I appreciate about browsing with Linux's Internet Suite browser is that I don't get ANY pop-ups, and adware and spyware cannot become installed on my machine because it isn't written for Linux. The same is also mostly true for viruses. Most of them are written for the Windows boxes of the world. If I even get an attachment in my email that tries to run an .exe file my system will treat it as foreign and not have anything to do with it.

I'm not trying to be a salesman here because to each is truly his own...but I have found the path that I would rather take.

I hope I sleep better tonight.