Monday Monday

Hey, it's been a couple of days. I'm back in the saddle for now though. Even though the picture on the left is not a picture of anywhere near where I am, it is raining both places. Kind of dreary. It's cold today and rainy, tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 50's and sunny. What gives? I guess that's Iowa though.

So this weekend was kind of interesting. We headed off for my wife's folks on Friday night. It is always good to see them but I just wasn't feeling like being around anyone. I just wanted to be by myself and I knew that I probably wouldn't get much of a chance to smoke. It's not like I can't live without having a cigarette, but it sure helps keeps my nerves in check.

Friday night we just hung out. Then Saturday we drove to the nearby hospital to see my wife's grandma who is in bad shape. She has been having trouble breathing, even with oxygen and has been hospitalized for about a week. She is 97 years old and just in case she took a turn for the worse my wife wanted to see her again. I wanted to do everything I could to oblige.

When we got to the hospital she was sleeping. We peeked in at her and she was breathing so heavily that it was almost scary. There was one time where her breathing had let up and I was afraid that it was her last, but then she started again. She hadn't slept well at all the night before and we wanted to let her get some rest since it had finally come. But she did end up waking up not too long after we arrived. We talked for a while and she got to see her great-grandkids.

Sunday morning at around 4am, she took a dive and had to be taken to the next bigger town with a bigger hospital. Then the latest word this morning was that she was doing even worse yet. Sooner or later her time will be up and she will be greatly missed. 97 years old. A German farm wife. Seven children and 50 great grandchildren. What a legacy. I think that she is ready to go though. She has recently been hesitant to certain treatments insisting that if it is her time then she doesn't want to fight it. I don't blame her. 97 years is a good, long, full life. I just hope and pray that when her time does come that it is quick and peaceful.

On top of all that we think that my son has the flu. He has had a high temp for the last two days and he has horked a few times as well. I feel so bad for the little guy because he's too little to talk and tell us what really hurts the most. He'll be at the doctor soon and hopefully they can give him something that will help him get over it. He's only 7 months old but he's getting to be so big.

Tomorrow afternoon I go to the doctor to follow up on how my medication is doing. I have been on it now for about 2 months and I think that my conclusion is this- It has been helping with keeping me from getting as down as I was, but it doesn't seem to help me come up any. I often feel foggy and distant. Thankfully my wife is understanding enough to bear with me; but I just hate the thought of having to switch to a different medication and start this whole process all over again.

Then to make things worse, I have just come to terms with an addiction of mine that I wasn't willing to admit to. Some people get addicted to alcohol, some drugs, some gambling; mine is religious radio. It has this sick effect on me. I can't stand to listen to it, but I can't keep myself away from it and even sometimes feel this strange type of withdrawl. Like this morning on the way to work I decided to listen to a CD [Coldplay] and as much as I like that CD I just felt like I was missing something. Too bad they don't have a drug to deal with that.