Doubting Thomas

I received a very welcome call from an old friend tonight. He and I go back to Jr. High School. Well, we actually go even farther back then that but we were too young to really remember. In Jr. High and High School we were pretty much best friends. I believe that we are still good friends, but we have just slipped away from each other for a while. We went through a lot together and on our own, but we were always there for each other...even at times when we didn't like each other so much, which wasn't very often.

It has been about a year or so since I had last seen him. Even then it had been several years since we had met up before that.

In our conversation tonight he revealed to me that he was going through one of those times where he is asking a lot of questions about spiritual things. What do I really believe? Why? Who is God? Who am I? How does all of this fit? Do I believe what I do because it is what I have come to believe, or just because that is all I have from what was given to me growing up? These are all valid questions that anyone with any gut-level honesty asks at one point or another.

We grew up Baptist; the hard line Independent kind.

Now that he has these questions he is reaching out to others to try and find answers. Some are satisfying, others come back as just telling him that he's crazy. I guess I too would have gotten the same kind of answers in my journey but I kept the questions mostly to myself. I feel for him because he and I both know that he/we are not crazy; we just have honest questions that demand honest answers and not just something regurgitated by someone else.

Thomas is so often criticized for his time of doubt. To me he is a hero. When they told him that Jesus had risen from the dead I'm sure that his authentic reaction was "You're full of shit!"Well, that's at least how I interpret his reaction of "I will not believe until I see the holes in his wrists and put my hand in his side."

Did the others criticize him? Not from what I can see in the Gospels. I see them as being the same doubters that he was; yet they were all looking for hope.

Now, obviously we don't all have the opportunity to see the same proof that Thomas did, but does that lessen our need for something other than what is told to us? I don't think so. I think that we all have our own "unless I....." It's not even that we doubt the basics as much as we just question the details.

I have been on this journey of faith for about 12 years now and I still have some days that are better than others; so to me, Thomas is still a hero in my book. In the end, his questions only made him stronger. After all, what is this thing called faith if is ever completely satisfied?

If Tom were still alive today I'd have him teach my Sunday School class. I'd hang out with him as much as I could.

So to all you doubters out there, keep searching and you will find....something. I don't know what that is and you may have no idea either; but when it comes, I imagine we'll all know somehow.