Give One For The Crapper

OK everyone, I am going to be vulnerable for a little while. I know that it has been a while since I have posted, but things have just been busy.

In the picture on the right, you will see a very elegant toilet. It is very nicely shaped, has a beautiful finish on it and is in what looks like a very impressive mansion. But the fact remains that it is still a toilet. Gross.

Well, I have been feeling lately like my life is just...well...like it's in the toilet. We are having some financial difficulties because yours truly here screwed up his W-4 form for 2005; so because of that we owe the state of Iowa $1800+ dollars in taxes that were never taken out of my checks for the year. We were planning on going on a family vacation in late February out to Arizona/California but that is now out of the question because our only vacation now will be when we get Uncle Sam off our back. Needless to say, I made the adjustment so that this little "incident" won't happen again next year.

So where does that put us? In the toilet. We just bought a new van out of necessity. I didn't really want to buy new, but since we didn't have the cash to buy used, and since we got a helluva deal through a negotiator we went ahead with it. I think that the payments will be around 400 bones a month. Ouch! Well, at least it is a nice van and it should last us a very long time. But in the meantime, I am now out looking for a part-time job to help us gather the rest of the dough that Uncle Sam wants, and to help us get ahead on the van payments. That's right, a part-time job...on top of my full-time job. So it looks like I'll be working about 60 hours a week now.

What a feeling. I am 27 years old and I was out on Saturday morning in the nearest "bigger city" to ours walking around the mall and driving around asking kids younger than me if the places that they work are accepting applications. I felt like I was about 17 years old again, and worst of all it is just proof that "The Man" has got me. So there goes some family time right down the toilet. That means that about 3 nights a week, and 1/2 a day on the weekend I won't get to see my wife and kids. That really sucks...but at the same time, it kind of makes me think back to a time when fathers were forced to go find work a hundred miles away from their families and only get to return once in a while. Times were hard but they made it.

So the only thing that makes any of this worse is the depression that I fight. No, it's not bad enough that I'm going to whack myself or anything; that would just be dumb...but there is just this real lull in my mind and a real lack of wanting to do anything normal. I find that my patience with my daughter is down, and that kills me. [no pun intended] Or that I just don't want to get out of bed most days. Or the fact that listening to Tom Waits sing depressing songs about smoking and drinking over memories of failed endeavors seems to "lift" my spirits.

I was talking to a guy at church about this yesterday who is also a fellow depressant. He advised me that since I have battled with it before and that chemical issues are in my family that I should go see a doctor and see about some meds. I think I'll follow his advice. Usually when I get depressed my sense of humour is the first thing to go. Man I hate that.

Well, I need to get back to my regular job now. Well...I guess I'll pretend since there is nothing to do. I need to call the Doctor.