Broccoli

I want to just take this opportunity to talk about one of my least favourite vegetables- broccoli. I could probably take up a whole page on this blog going into extreme detail about why I hate this food and what I would rather do than eat it.

Every time my wife makes this for us to eat with supper, we have the same discussion about how no matter how she prepares it, the taste still makes me want to puke.

I've tried it buttered, boiled, in soup, with tons of cheese...etc. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to make myself like the stuff. Somehow I have managed though to make myself even like peas over this small bush. I don't like the smell, the colour, the texture, the gritty little things that get stuck between my teeth. Every time it is put on the table I just want to find a way out of the room. My wife loves it and I am glad. My daughter has a little bit of a tough time with it, but she does better than me...but I think that still runs in my favour though.

I don't know how many more times I need to go over all the ways that I can't bring myself to eat this. Every time I think that my wife and I have come to some kind of an agreement on this, I always find out that I am wrong. She says that I always object to eating vegetables. I always remind her that is simply not true. I eat corn, carrots, beans, peas, lettuce, ketchup, celery, onions, mushrooms...I just hate broccoli; and it's cousin cauliflower. Both of them in my book are grounds for a revolt. I could write songs, books, movies, television series, comic strips, plays and poems about how much I hate those two, and I still wouldn't even be touching the surface.

Look at how many cultures and civilizations in other parts of the world that have survived for so long without having to eat it. They are happy and healthy. Well, I can't guarantee that they are happy, but at least they are eating. Some places can't even grow them because of the climate. I say "why not send all of ours over to them?"

To me "broccoli" sounds like some kind of disease. I went to the doctor, he ran some tests, and they determined that I have terminal broccoli. Or, I have had this strange fungus on my foot for a month now and I think I have a bad case of broccoli foot. Or if that isn't bad enough, how about it being the name of a torture chamber somewhere in Italy for people that have committed horrible crimes? That's it buddy, you've had your chance- We're sending you to Broccoli.

Maybe I am just a rare case with this; who knows. All I know is I want to keep it off of my plate.