The Reluctant Disciple

Festivus

2007-12-24T19:41:00.000-06:00

Happy Festivus Everyone!

Theolitics?

2007-12-07T21:35:00.000-06:00

I am bothered by this a little bit. I am not so much bothered by the idea that someone in a political office holds a religious view, and not even that they would speak about it publicly...but when an address to a crowd is done so via the avenue of the pretence that such a conversation actually transpires, or is actually valid, is just unsettling to me. The notion that anyone, which I do not accuse Gov. Huckabee of doing outright, would make decisions in office under the premise that they believed that it was a god of some type moving them to do something is just bothersome. Thankfully he did note that god was neither a Democrat nor a Republican.

But lest I be accused of harping on the G.O.P. [God's Own Posse] I would have a similar critique of Senator John Edwards' application of the teachings of Christ. Much of his social policy is based on the national application of Matthew 25 when Jesus speaks of how our attitude toward him is reflected in how we treat "the least of the brethren." Is it fair to take individual admonitions and try to apply them at the national level via political mandate?

I am a fairly conservative guy, politically....but I just don't think that God and politics mix well. It's hard enough to get local churches to come together in agreement of how the world turns; how much harder to let the blind lead the blinder....

Render Unto Caesar

2007-11-15T06:18:00.000-06:00

In recent news Senator Charles Grassley (R. Iowa) has launched an inquiry to many of the major televangelists across the US. Apparently there has been enough suspicion in his mind that has arisen to the possibility of the misuse of donor funds that he now is attempting to work with the Senate Finance Committee to investigate the issue. Some of those that are being investigated are Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland, Benny Hinn, Paula White and a few others.

Currently many of these folks and their churches are sheltered by tax laws under their organizations 501 C(3) status as "non-profit" organizations. I'm sure that the term "non-profit" is really anything but in their case. Many of these clowns live in multi-million dollar homes and wear $2000 suits. They have also used ministry money to purchase air planes and other luxury travel expenditures, some to the tune of hotel rooms costing $10K per night.

Apparently the Senate Finance Committee will step in if they are unable to find reasonable evidence from the IRS or these organizations that everything seems to be on the up and up. The only problem with satisfying the IRS is that there is no requirement for these guys to submit any detailed records because of their charitable organization status.

Ultimately from an income standpoint, these folks are cheating the system in the highest ways possible. They are using money that their donors have given them on a tax free basis to live tax free lifestyles of luxury. We need major tax reform.

There is a lot of money tied up in the various religious non-profit organizations that seems pretty unfair to the rest of the tax paying world. Although the issue of taxing these organizations on the basis of income can be a sticky issue, the truth is that an income tax is not the answer. The income tax, as a whole, is really technically an illegal tax. There is absolutely no mention of a tax on income anywhere in the Constitution or anywhere in our law books; so we have to rule out working with something that illusive.

My proposal would be to institute the same tax then that the rest of us have to pay; property tax. There are many churches in America today that have very elaborate buildings. They are really nice to look at form the outside, but the fact is that most of the time they are not being used for charitable purposes. The facilities themselves are not typically open for the use of the public, but rather only on a limited schedule for limited members of its congregation. Not necessarily a bad idea, but the bottom line is that there is a hell of a lot of money wrapped up in those places. I can think of several churches even here in the state of Iowa whose property values, according to their county Tax Assessors, well exceed the million dollar mark. So that means that there are hundreds of thousands of dollars, if not several millions, that are not being claimed by facilities that still hold the same right as the rest of us to call upon the local services of fire and rescue, police, etc...

Ultimately there will be no fair and just way of pinning tax fraud on many of these jokers...that will just be a very difficult task in light of the fine and delicate line of not allowing the state to dictate what the reasonable expenses of these churches should be...but they should at least be able to start taxing the entities themselves fairly like the rest of us and have them start rendering unto Caesar their fair share.

Good work Senator Grassley. I applaud your efforts here. And I'm glad for your credibility on the issue. You can't be accused of doing this under the guise of anti-religious harassment since you consider yourself also a Christian who is just calling for accountability.

The Passage of Time

2007-11-10T08:16:00.000-06:00

I had originally set out to sit down here and pound out a well thought out piece about one of many different topics that I have thought about over the last several weeks; but quite honestly I am now just waking up and my thoughts are not all together clear right now. Plus, so many blogs just kind of die after a certain amount of time because of either time constraints or lack of zeal. My issue would have to be that of time constraints because, after all, the notion of a zealous Deist seems kind of silly to me.

Anyways, this is where I am now; and these are some of the random thoughts that go through my head about God, religion, Christianity, philosophy, etc.-

If the core beliefs or even the perceptions/understanding of the core beliefs of a religion change over time, I believe that it is then very nearly impossible to recover back to the original intent of the religion as it now bears the mark of and added presupposition. For example; a house once has white walls. The white walls serve as a reference point for decoration. The standard is represented in as perfect of form as possible, so anything that is purchased that is white is ultimately compared back to the walls. Then over time the house is sold and someone else who moves in takes care of the over all quality of the house...it is not a mess, but they have smoked there in the house for so many years without proper ventillation that the walls have then changed to a dingy cream colour. Soon, I imagine, they then actually believe that the walls are cream and then they will decorate the rest of the house accordingly.

The concrete reality in this parable is that for the most part, paint today can be purchased in "pure" white, so there is a standard that can be returned to the house after a coat of primer and a few coats of the real white to return it back to its former state...but this is an issue of colour.

The abstract reality has a few characteristics that make this a more complicated issue-
a) paint can now be purchased in many different shades of "white." Just looking around here in my house, I purchased a semi-gloss "white" paint for the trim around my windows. The bucket just said "White." I then also purchased new "white" vinyl blinds to go up in the window; the package just said "White." But when I look at both of them side by side the blinds appear to be a very very light shade of grey.
b) there is now an apparent option to be able to choose the kind of white that one wants. For example, we painted my daughter's bedroom "Cotton White" several years ago. Some friends of ours painted their living room/dining room and kitchen a "kitten white."
c) since the ability to discern what exactly "pure white" is has been tainted by various things such as colour blindness, human standards, or even availabilty...it is not quite as easy to just decide that one is going to "return" to pure white.

I would venture to say that no religion today is capable of being presented in its pure and original form. Too many variances have crept in and "mutated" the base DNA of their beginnings. When I say no religion that is pretty much what I mean- Judaism, Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism...none of these exist now in their original form and they will never be recovered to that state. Many would argue today that the "core beliefs" that I mention above has not changed for any of these, but rather it has just been the outworkings or the expressions of these core beliefs; but I do not agree with that. I hold that the only reason that I can see for the change of expression is that something has changed at the core.

Assuming that all of the stories about the religious leaders are true, how did they manage themselves as they went through life?

Abraham's claim was that God had visited him and told him that he was going to be the father of many nations. At least his story is honest enough to record his doubt and trials and tribulations over the deal.
Jesus is supposedly God as a man and yet he is born to a woman. The story never touches on whether or not there was a development within him as to this revelation. The story never mentions whether or not he always "knew" that he was God, or whether he just slowly "realized" it as he got older. And how does one go about just "realizing" gradually that hey, I am God...?
Siddhartha Gautama, the founder of Buddhism, knew fully that he was drastically changing the face of Hinduism when he introduced his new path to enlightenment that dumped a bunch of baggage off the old. He never claimed to be a god, but he sure changed a very large portion of what the world believed.

To what level did any of these guys ask themselves the questions about what if they were wrong? Or were they just that confident that it didn't really matter if they were ultimately right or whether it was good enough to just be convinced in their minds.

The last topic that I will touch on is the ultimate inability of governments to keep religion out of lawmaking.

In the Middle-East the whole government is controlled by those with religious authority. How they interpret their religion ultimately controls their legislation.

In Europe they have more of a humanistic or atheistic belief system that tries to push religious issues out of the question.

Here in America we have the "moral majority" who at least claim to be religious and base all of their decision making on a Judeo-Christian ethic. They then believe that since they are a majority that it then means that they are entitled to be able to have the monopoly, or at least majority control, over the political process; and according to our constitution they are both right and wrong...but then there is the other group that is comprise of who I will call the "unholy minority" who seek to keep God and religion out of the public square so that church and state can truly be separated. Although there are far fewer of them than the majority they seem to really be able to control things. So we are either pushing for or against God with our law making.

As a side note- I know that the Constitution makes it very clear that a presidential candidate is not to be chosen or denied because of the basis of their religious faith or lack thereof...but quite honestly....would you normally seek advice from someone who believed that there was such thing as a special kind of "magic" underwear that will keep you safe from danger? Mitt Romney is a Mormon, and some Mormons really believe that. If they guy has that kind of religious logic, how is that going to affect the way he governs?

George Bush and many of the others in his cabinet and congress truly believe that Israel is God's chosen people. When it comes to foreign policy don't you think that might have something to do with decision making? And the Constitution gravely warns against us getting entangled in the affairs of other countries and fighting on their behalf...and yet so much of our foreign policy is centered around making sure that we keep Israel safe....and all of that stems from a form of theology that is a deviation from the message that Jesus taught.

I don't have time to go into the details of all of this now. I am now awake and need to get on with the day. I'll try to check back in later.

Left Behind

2007-09-04T20:32:00.000-05:00

Evan Almighty

2007-07-16T16:59:00.000-05:00

If you haven't seen this movie yet then you haven't seen it.

My wife and I went to this as part of a date that we went on Friday night. Overall I would say that it is a decent movie that would be safe to take the family to.

I had heard good reviews about it, but I am surprised that from the Conservative Christian side I didn't hear more negative about it.

Here's the plot in a nutshell-

A guy gets elected to become a Congressman. So he and his family move to a new gated community to get settled as he heads to his new job in Washington. As the story unfolds he begins to get this feeling that God is sending him a message telling him that he needs to build an ark. This is later confirmed when God visits him.

So as time goes by God begins to work on his reluctance and skepticism and causes him to grow a beard and long hair. Tons of lumber is then dropped off at his house and pairs of each animal gradually start showing up at his house. He eventually gives into his calling, quits going to work, and builds the ark. Meanwhile, everyone starts laughing at him and mocking him in disbelief that a flood is going to be coming.

The flood does come at the last minute, but it ends up being because of investors cutting corners in their building strategies that leads to the breaking of a dam. The ark then proves not to be necessary to only save all of the animals but whoever will jump on it to be saved from the flood that wiped their houses out.

Overall, I thought that it was just an odd story. In my opinion it was too much of a mish-mash of biblical legend and modern environmental activism.

What I don't understand from the story was why a pair of every known animal came to Noah's house, especially those animals that clearly didn't even live in that region when this flood was clearly local; probably even more local than the flood recorded in the Bible.

The 2nd thing is the question of why the main character had to have long hair and a long beard. Was it entirely necessary? His kids didn't get long hair when they were helping him build.

I've got many other questions about why the writers made this movie like the way they did but I can't even think of them all right now. I just found myself at several points wondering how the true connection could be made or what the exact message of the movie was supposed to be. Well, I know what the message was supposed to be, but I wondered what many parts of the movie had to do with the message.

What the movie did have going for it. The effects were alright. The acting was alright. Lauren Graham. John Goodman. Steve Carell.

The story touched on overcoming adversity, doing good to your neighbor, standing up for your convictions...

I give the movie a thumbsideways. I probably wouldn't care to see the movie again, but at least when I watched it the first time it was with my wife and she liked it.

The Rapture & Organ Donation

2007-07-13T14:33:00.000-05:00

I was listening to a Christian talk radio show the other day on the way into work. The topic was how Christians could help the world [or at least those near them] medically by donating their organs after they die, or some organs that you can live without.

Now, they weren't really talking about the Rapture or anything like that, but the topic of organ donation struck me as kind of funny, given that I know what their theological beliefs are about this alleged event.

I am all for organ donation. I've got it marked "Y" right there on my drivers license. If I were to die some time and my parts were still good, then I would want them to be put to good use by someone who needs them.

On the other hand, I know a man who believes in the current modern view of the coming Rapture of the church and he will not donate his organs because he is afraid that when his body gets raptured it might end up killing whoever has his parts. Because according to that view, at a moment in time God physically calls up those who have followed him. If they are dead and rotted away, then their bodies will magically come back together as a whole. So he envisions those who have had eye/arm/heart/kidney/etc. transplants from parts that came from Christians as one day to be taken from them if their believing Christian gets raptured.

I think that it's a silly notion, but the radio conversation just reminded me of his view.

Ave Maria

2007-07-13T14:21:00.000-05:00

I was listening to Catholic radio the other night on my drive home from work and I am just astonished by the amount of evolution that the Catholic church has undergone in its theological framework or the last 1500 years.

There were a few callers who were asking about taking pilgrimages to various locations where alleged apparitions of Mary were taking place. I kid you not. There have been and are still many sites around the world where members of the Catholic church have allegedly received visitations by the Virgin Mary. In many of these places people have visions, dreams, stigmatas, and receive healing.

According to Wikipedia:

According to the doctrine of the Catholic Church, the era of public revelation ended with the death of the last living Apostle. A Marian apparition, if deemed genuine by Church authority, is treated as private revelation that may emphasize some facet of the received public revelation for a specific purpose, but it can never add anything new to the deposit of faith. At most, the Church will confirm an apparition as worthy of belief, but belief is never required by divine faith.^[1] The Holy See has officially confirmed the apparitions at Guadalupe, La Salette, Laus (France), during more than 50 years, Paris (Rue du Bac, Miraculous Medal), Lourdes, Fatima, Pontmain, Beauraing, Banneux, and Knock (Ireland). ^[2]
Not all claims of visitations are dealt with favourably by the Roman Catholic Church. For example, claimed apparitions of Our Lady, Jesus Christ and various saints at Bayside, New York have not been condoned or sanctioned in any way, nor those at the Necedah Shrine in Necedah, Wisconsin. The behavior of Ms Veronica Lueken and Mary Ann Van Hoof, who claimed these heavenly favors, was deemed not to compare favorably with the "quiet pragmatism" of St. Bernadette Soubirous — Church authorities are said to use Bernadette as a model by which to judge all who purport to have visitations. Indeed, both women seriously criticized the Roman Catholic Church hierarchy, allegedly even harshly, and Mrs. Van Hoof is said to have subsequently left Roman Catholicism for an independent local Old Catholic Church.

Possibly the best-known apparition sites are Lourdes and Fatima.^{[citation needed]} Over sixty spontaneous healings, out of thousands reported at the Lourdes Spring, have been classified as "inexplicable" by the physicians of the Lourdes Bureau, a medical centre set up by the Church in association with local medical institutes to assess possible miracles. The so-called Three Secrets of Fatima received a great deal of attention in the Catholic and secular press.

It is all very interesting. I would be very curious to see psychological case studies of all who have had these experiences to see what the differences/commonalities are between them. Perhaps it is wishful thinking? Perhaps it is delusion? Maybe there's something in the holy water?

The Missing Link In the Resurrection Chain

2007-07-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

Today while I was sitting in church with my family I decided to read the post resurrection accounts in the Gospels. I have been thinking a lot about the notion of a resurrection and what that could mean for Christianity.

I started thinking about it initially in light of Calvinism's claim that Jesus only redeems the elect. By this theory, then it would make sense that he might only show himself to a select few people after he was resurrected. But then I started thinking about the greater implications at large; the authorship and timing of the writing of the Gospels, the other early Christian writings, the possibilities of myth and the evolution of community thought, I decided that this was worth looking into a little further.

For the sake of modern acceptance reasons I will only look at what we find in the 5 Gospels- Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Acts.

Matthew 28- Mary and Mary went to the sepulcher. When they arrived there was an earthquake and the angel rolled back the stone blocking the entrance to it. He sat on the stone and told them not to be afraid and the angel invited them in to have a look to see that Jesus was not there. He then tells them to go and tell the other disciples what they have seen, and that Jesus is going before them to Galilee.

They now head to Galilee where they are met by Jesus himself who again tells them directly to go to Galilee and tell his brethren. He would catch up with them there.

The text also then asserts that the elders devised a conspiracy to say that Jesus' disciples paid the guards to let them take his body. This might be one explanation of his disappearance.

Meanwhile, back in Galilee, the 11 disciples all gathered at the mountain that Jesus told them to. It says that when they saw him that some doubted and some believed. He the gave them the commission to go into the world and spread his teaching that hey gave to them. Then the book ends.

Mark 16- Mary, Mary, and Salome went to the tomb to anoint Jesus' body. On the way they were wondering how they were going to get the stone rolled away in order to get in. However, when they arrived they found that the stone had already been moved. So they went inside and they saw a [young] man sitting inside who told them that Jesus was gone. He then tells them to go tell the other disciples and that Jesus would meet them in Galilee. It then says that they didn't say a word to anyone because of fear.

Then on the first day of the week, Jesus went and only appeared to Mary Magdalene. She tried to tell the others but they mourned and did not believe her. So then Jesus goes and visits two other disciples but this time it says that he does so by taking on another form. They did not believe that he was risen.

After that, he then appeared unto the 11 again and reprimanded them for their unbelief. He then gave them a final charge, and then he ascended up into Heaven and sat at the right hand of God.

Luke 24- On the first day of the week someone went to the tomb of Jesus and found the stone to be rolled away. Then they went into the tomb and did not find Jesus. They were perplexed until 2 men appeared to them and told them what had happened. They then told them also to go to Galilee, so they did and they told the others who did not believe. So Peter decides to go have a look for himself. He sees the linen and then wonders what is going to happen next.

That same day, 2 of them [it does not mention who] were walking to Emmaus talking about these events. While they were talking, Jesus "draws near" to them and went with them; but he did something to blind their eyes so that they wouldn't know it was him. He then asks them why they are so upset and they give him their story. After he hears this he then explains everything to them from Moses and the Prophets. They are pretty intrigued so they ask him if he will hang out with them for the night and he agrees.

Later that night, while they were eating, he then decides to open their eyes and let them see that it is him. However, as soon as they see that it is him, he then vanishes from their sight. They were then amazed and returned to Jerusalem with the other 11 and told them what happened. While they were telling the story Jesus appears out of thin air and starts talking to them. They get freaked out thinking that this is a ghost so he lets them touch him and he asks for some food.

He then teaches and convinces them more about everything that had happened to him and to them and tells them to wait for him in Jerusalem. Then he takes time out to Bethany where he blesses them and is carried away into Heaven.

John 20-21- Mary Magdalene goes to the tomb and finds the stone rolled away so she runs to Peter and John and tells them. They then ran back to check it out. They couldn't figure out why the tomb was empty so they went home. Meanwhile, Mary stays where she sees 2 angels inside the tomb where Jesus' body would have been; one at the head and one at the feet. They asked her why she was weeping and she told them, but when she looked back it was just Jesus; but she didn't know it was him so she just told her story to who she thought was the gardener. It wasn't until he said her name that she knew it was him somehow.

She then goes to grab him and he tells her not to touch her because he has not yet ascended to the Father. She then leaves the tomb and tells the rest of the disciples what he had said.

Later that day, all of the disciples were hidden in a room waiting for something when Jesus appears out of nowhere in their midst and gives them a few words. Thomas was not present at this time so when he heard all this from the others he did not believe. So 8 days later Jesus again shows up out of nowhere into the room where they wer at and lets Thomas touch his hands and side.

A few days later Jesus shows up at the Tiberian Sea with his disciples so that they can see him again. This time it was after they had already set out to go fishing. So they saw someone over by the shore but they didn't know it was Jesus. He asks them if they've caught anything and then tells them where to cast the net. They then get this huge catch and he eats with them.

While they are eating he talks to Peter about some things and then talks about John a bit. There is no mention of his ascension in this book.

Acts 1- The disciples are with Jesus as he gives them some final words and when he is done talking to them he is received up into a cloud out of their site.

1 Corinthians 15- Paul says that the witnesses of Jesus' resurrection were as follows: Peter, 500+ witnesses, James, and then all of the other Apostles.

What do I take away from this?

Each of these stories has its share of conflicts with the others.

The order of events are out of sequence. The numbers of participants is mismatching. The accounts of the words of Christ differ; and not just the wording, but the whole content.

What about Paul's conversion? Acts 9 has Paul on horseback when Jesus shows up and speaks to him. It says that there was a bright light and those who were with Paul heard a voice, but did not see anyone. But then Acts 22 has Paul attesting that at his conversion that those who were with him saw a bright light but did not hear the voice? So which one was it?

I believe at best Paul had a vision that could not be verifiable by anyone else.

Here's what I really want to know-

Who were these 500+ witnesses that Paul talks about as having seen Jesus after his resurrection? I do not find any accounts in the Bible or other sources that can confirm that this actually happened, but I am assuming that based on the language used in the passage that these were fellow believers.

Jesus' life ministry was public. Both sacred and secular works attest to his life, miracles, teachings, etc. There was nothing secret about any of that; so why is it that when it comes to everything post resurrection that it is restricted only to his followers? Why wouldn't there be anything else to affirm this resurrection? All of his visitations were in secret. His teaching was done in secret. He seemingly teleported everywhere he went. He was a shape-shifter in appearance. His ascension in to Heaven was secret. There is nothing public about Jesus after his resurrection.....so what can verify any of this besides these Gospels that were written a generation or two after the alleged occurrences?

What do you do when the puzzle pieces don't fit, some are missing, or the accounts are wrong/conflicting in such a way as this?

Raising Children

2007-06-20T18:38:00.000-05:00

Raising kids is hard.

I have heard it said that raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jello to a tree.

Raising kids is even harder when you have two competing worldviews between parents.

My wife and I had recently attended a "convention" on home schooling our kids. I am really glad that they make venues like this available to those who don't want their kids to be corrupted by the politicization of the public schools and for those who don't want to have to take on a third job to pay for a private education. The difficulty that I have with the home schooling avenue though is that most of it seems bent toward the other extreme. Many Christians today want to keep their children safe from the evils of being taught about evolution, multi-culturalism, homosexuality and much more. But the trouble comes in the pendulum swing effect.

Much of this curriculum is centered around a more religious base, which with its own bias, can sometimes neglect other forms/uses of common logic and the sciences. I think that I saw just as many books on "how to raise godly kids" as I did books about math, science, history, and art; and even then the titles of the books primarily lent themselves to teaching these things through the eyes of faith. A book entitled Numbers In The Bible is one that comes to mind. Is there something extra special about the numbers in the Bible over any other form of numbers?

Well, my wife bought some books on dealing with discipline with children. The overall principles in the book are not bad. It speaks of the consequences of lying, stealing, discord, and many other things...but what it doesn't take into account is theological diversity. Most of the books there would probably not sit well with a Calvinist Christian.

When my daughter does something wrong, my wife deals with her and then usually follows up with having my daughter apologize to whoever she has offended [which I can totally agree with her on] and then she has her pray and ask Jesus for forgiveness and help not to do it again. Now, if I was still looking at things as a Christian, I would have to side with the Calvinist. Where in the Bible does it say that children should pray to Jesus...or that anyone should pray to Jesus? I suppose if you were to just take the words of Christ then you could account for the Kingdom of God belonging to children and God hearing their prayers- but if you heed the words of Paul, God does not hear the prayers of sinners; which is what he says that all of humanity is...until God lifts the veil of blindness off their eyes.

So doesn't it seem counter-intuitive to have a child pray to a God who very well may not hear them until he chooses to manifest his calling of them to salvation? It is a tough call for me as to how to address this with my wife. I know that she only has the best of intentions, but I see things very differently.

Apology and restitution are things that one can never go wrong with. The Bible does teach these, but I guess you just have to read the right parts to find them. But I am more of an Agnostic or Deist.

What if a child grows up with such a religious upbringing only to later walk away with certain senses of disillusionment?

A Debate About Hell

2007-06-11T12:14:00.000-05:00

I just finished listening to a very interesting debate on the subject and nature of Hell. This debate was held by the Evangelical Theological Debate Society and can be downloaded from The Narrow Mind Aftermath website.

On one side of the aisle were 3 men who were all of the common biblical persuasion that Hell is a literal and eternal place prepared for those who do not know Christ after they die. On the other side of the aisle were 3 men who had varying views ranging from a more "liberal" form of Christianity to one who was probably more of a soft atheist.

The biblical apologists came to the table with only about 9 key biblical references to espouse their view; most of which were solely from the New Testament. The opponents came to the table with a whole list of references that ranged throughout both the Old and New Testament. My personal persuasion from this debate was definitely in the corner to those who opposed what is now the "common" understanding of a literal and eternal Hell. Their arguments were very well laid out and were overall more consistent in their presentation and congruity of ideas.

Items from those in favour of the idea of a literal and eternal Hell seemed to me to be very interesting

The neglecting of Old Testament passages on the grounds that Jesus did away with the Old Covenant by providing what is now a superior covenant- by this, I take it that we could do well to only use the Old Testament as a backward reference point, but not glean anything from it pertaining to doctrine. If that is the case then I think that a fair application should also follow by means of not looking to the Old Testament to also try and define any theological definition of God.
The citation that those who held the opposing view were not able to rightly interpret the passages that they quoted because "the natural man is unable to understand the things of God."- Now, when I was still calling myself a Christian [assuming that I really did have the Spirit of God in me] I was making the same opposing observations that these "non-believers" were as well. So from their line of logic they are probably opposing themselves on this issue. So it is almost like they are saying that salvation comes about by God using the the Spirit and the Bible to open our eyes to understand salvation and our need of it by reading the Bible, but if we end up using more rational means to interpret things that don't seemingly need any additional supernatural revelation then we will most likely be wrong. I understand that human logic and rational is flawed by certain words and concepts but isn't God supposed to be logical enough to at least be generally understood by us on the surface? I am just uneasy with the whole card trick being pulled that says "you guys would otherwise make sense in your argument, but the Bible isn't really saying what is actually written there."
The ignorance of the parabolic usage of the New Testament Gehenna- Gehenna was a real place outside of Jerusalem that served a specific purpose. It was a dump. It was the place where all of the trash, leftovers of animal sacrifices, and criminals were dumped. The fire there burned for an "infinite" amount of time, but the things that burned there only burned until they were consumed. So with that in mind, how does the idea of eternal torment comport to this picture?

All in all, I think that the "evangelical" side really lost this debate. I do feel that a lot of their ideas were consistent with their theology, but I have also come to learn that building a theological system is really tricky. There are so many variables that are at play here. They lost because they violated their own rules of interpretational criticism. They were not examining the texts from the context that they were in.

It is a very interesting debate so if you have time I would recommend listening to it.

Answering Some Feedback

2007-06-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

If you're into reading the comments to my posts, you will see that one of my old friends has written to me about my present religious position. He's simply an "old friend" because, unfortunately, life just took us in our own various directions. The time that we did have together in High School was great. I considered him to be a great friend and still consider him to be a great man.

Below I am going to post all of his letter to me [his part in italics] and my responses beneath it [in plain text]

Good evening Chris,

It is odd to read the reflections of a friend regarding a time of their life that I was part of.

I suspect it would be interesting if we as people could read the accounts of our peers with 10 years of history. How strange to see where we land.

As you have discovered I am now married and have a son and find myself suddenly a parent- (does 9 mo. count as suddenly?) Asking questions about what it means to be an adult, maturity, and who will I be to this little boy?

Congratulations again Kevin on the birth of your son! I am sure that you and Heidi are going to make the most wonderful parents!

Today you labeled yourself an "agnostic" and decided; or rather accepted a "logic ultimatum" that you are ___________. (insert an adjective)

I don't really like the idea of an ultimatum on this issue because of the limitations that it places on the alternatives...but for the sake of argument I'll concede to what you're offering here.

Like a scientist would classifies a plant, we live in a culture that thrives on control. I'd say the sequence goes like this:

If I can control it, I can master it.
Step one:
Name the problem.
Disect the parts.
Name the parts.
Claim understanding.
Claim control.

I would agree with you for the most part on this, however, I feel that I have a hard time with the idea of thinking that this is a control issue. Let me offer you this flow of steps to give you a better understanding of how I feel things have happened.

I started asking questions because I saw inconsistencies.
I stated to get a better feel for the conclusions that the inconsistencies allowed for.
I disected the parts as a part of the previous step.
I named the parts.
I then actually claimed more of a lack of understanding as I looked at the issues deeper.
I have lost the control of how I think everything should fit into its logical place and have only conceded the ability to control limited portions of my life.

I'm not trying to be nit-picky here on this. I think that you are right. There are many life issues where your logical progression would apply to this. I remember a converstation that you and I had once about how a man always feels a requirement to "fix" whatever problems come up, because there seems to be more of a sense of control in his ability to fix something...but I can't quite make the same comparison here.

I must agree with you that answers can seem elusive. I think I have given up believing that I am smart enough to name, disect, much less control myself, my neurosis(s)(huh?), or God.

That is a noble admission. Very few are able to present themselves in such an honest light. I have always appreciated that about you.

And yet.....I cannot accept the idea that because I am unable to comprehend God even partially I am unable to accept promises claimed.

I can see and understand your logic in this, but that is where the bigger issue lies with me. What do we use to comprehend God? Do we use our minds? We all perceive and comprehend in various and differening ways. Do we believe because of a book? We have enough problems understanding thoughts and intents behind emails and letters that have plain intent and language, how much more difficulty interpreting a sacred text from a divine mind...and what certainty, apart from ultimate blind faith, do we have that God was truly the author of such promises? And much less, strictly the Christian God?

I fully acknowledge you as a scholar beyond me- not as flattery or insult- but in truth. You, like others I know have a hunger for the truth- Which I wonder if that hunger was planted by culture or nature or Spirit. Nevertheless, I'm rambling.

I'm not sure about the answer to that one either. I just know that some days I wish it would just leave me alone. :-)

I read a great book by McLaren, not to mention some Don Miller and Brenden Manning. I remember discussions I had with you during your high school years about Ragamuffin Gospel.

This is one of the more difficult areas for me; literature vs. orthodoxy and corporeal evolution. I respect Don Miller. I have read a few interviews with him in various publications and I like what I read; but the problem is that he is against the grain. That isn't always bad but what does it accomplish? He inspires some and rattles other's cages.

I apologize that I don't remember the discussions about Brendon Manning. My memory isn't quite as sharp as it used to be.

Brian McLaren has also done his share of stirring the Evangelical hot pot. I read from some that what he is doing is amazing. I read from others that he is a heretic. Who decides? And while everyone who accepts him understands that his Emergent fad is changing the face of "Church" as we know it, they are failing to recongnize that this type of corporeal evolution is the same thing that happens in every generation. Even in my own lifetime I have seen how differently the Christian religion has played itself out here in the US. Every generation goes through its own pendulum swing in attempts to correct mistakes and failures. The structure and approaches are always being deconstructed and reconstructed to fit the time and issues. Would this need to be done if there were such a thing as a transcendent truth that truly apprehended all those who adhered to it.

The same things have happened with every other religion that Christianity has blackballed as being false. It is the very core issue right now with our present struggles with the Muslim world...the constant tension between fundamentalists and the moderates. Each of them claim that their sect is more correct than the other. I see emergent tendencies even within Islam today. What is the difference?

The main point is that I cannot truly trust any of those author's credibility because of the liquid margins of standards of perceived truth within Orothodox Evangelical Christianity. I wish that I could, but the system that I see does not internally allow for it. While most agree in principal that the Bible is to be the final authority in spiritual matters, the interpretations of it are as vast as the number of verses.

I cannot believe that we are accidents, as a true athiest might.

My response to this might be fitted better somewhere else, but I am not an atheist. I don't either believe that we are necessarily accidents. There very well may be some ultimate reason for our existence, I just do not feel that I possess the certainty as to what it is.

Maybe the problem with modern
Christianity is that agnostics are seen as outsiders....

I hate it when people quote definitions, but....

Agnostic:
One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.

I am not sure where that definition came from but I am not sure that I know of any true agnostics/skeptics that would apply that definition to themselves. It seems a bit too certain of a definition. LOL

The definitions are derived from the original components. a- no/without, gnosis- knowledge; a- no/without, theos- god.

Personally, I call myself a Theological Agnostic/Diest. I have my own proclivities toward believing that there is a god/mastermind behind getting everything started. I also believe that man has within himself the extraordinary ability to imagine God/gods to be whatever he can come up with; and over the course of what is probably at least a few aeons, man has come up with a few ideas as to what/who God/the gods are.

By that one....shoot....I guess I'd agree.
We only truly trust what we have experienced, and even then, we may become skeptics of ourselves.

And yet it is the issue of experience that Christians use to either validate or reject either their own claims or the claims of others. How does one's alleged experiences stack up against a normative reality? And then extend the test further to a particular interpretation/comparison of what is written in the Bible as to what the normative reality is supposed to be.

Perhaps we should be skeptical of our own experiences. In fact, I was always taught by my elders to have a skepticism until it could be proven with Scripture. The problem is that each person truly can only end up validating their own. If they seek to either validate or deny the experience of others then it is just purely subjective conjecture. This is why Protestant Christians have such an easy way of rejecting the Mormon idea that you can simply just pray about something and have God give you a "feeling" that validates it.

If we are not skeptics of ourselves then I can be pretty sure that we'd start taking ouselves too seriously too often. Men never do more damage to a society than when they have misguided ideas backed by religious justifications. That is not to say that religion does not produce good; many humanitarian efforts have been fronted by Christian, Buddhist, Unitarian, and other groups. But those efforts usually have reasons at their core that can exist separate from their religious affiliation.

We live in a world that worships control, pleasure, and logic. And I do not believe that God is threatened by any of those three nor does he feel obligated to follow any.

I agree. I also, however, feel that the same can apply to the strictly Christian construct of the idea of God.
--------------------
Alas, I have rambled too long.

I have never known you to do such a thing. I've only known you to be someone who carefully chooses the quality and quantity of words.

Chris, I do believe you are an honest man. And that is an honorable trait. A man that cannot admit fear is more a coward than his opposite.
I also believe that we were created to seek God - Knowing that it will be a life of pursuit more like chasing the sunrise than catching a butterfly. This is not cruelty, it is the merely the preview before the big show.
------------------------
God's richest to you and your family. It was good to see your post. I hope it's ok for me to put this in your comments. I hope that you do not choose to walk alone in your search.

Best of Friday nights,
ktow

Thanks Kevin. I really do appreciate your taking the time to think and write. I hope that my responses don't come off as trying to pretend that I've got a magic bullet for any questions that I am asked. I have often asked the same things and made similar observations. Right now though the tables have turned and I must think out loud.

The Myth of Certainty

2007-05-29T23:08:00.000-05:00

I am not going to go into a lot of detail here, but I have been in a dialog with someone about some issues in my life and one of the issues brought up was the above title for this post.

It appears that within certain pockets of the Evangelical Christian subculture that some believe that certaintly is a myth. I probably need to do some further digging and exploring the issue but to me this statement seems to be very counter cultural to the teachings of the Bible.

Perhaps the early Christians had less room for doubt because of the shorter span of time between them and the alleged events found in the Gospels. Perhaps today there would be more room for theological uncertainty in this age of religious pluralism.

If I were to look at this issue through my formerly believing eyes, I would have to say that in order to accept the idea of the myth of certainty, then either we have a very flawed presentation on the meaning and manner of certainty in the Bible, or those portions of the Bible are no longer valid for today. In either event, how could one know? How wide is the playing field for this uncertainty? What issues demand certainty and which ones are open to ambiguity? And who makes those decisions as to which are which?

From Evangelical Christianity to Theological Agnosticism

2007-05-16T11:34:00.000-05:00

I have recently been given the suggestion to try and invite my readers into my spiritual journey that has led me to where I am today. The suggestion comes from one of my former college professors and friend, Dr. Gary Nebeker. I will try and keep it brief, and yet still try and accent the more vital points as they happen.

My Childhood
I grew up in what was probably the typical upbringing for my time. My dad was struggling in his self-employment and so my mom had to go back to work to try and make enough for ends to meet. I am the older of two kids. My dad also liked to work on cars and help out a friend of his who did body work for some amateur racers. My mom specialized in printed media.

We went to church almost every Sunday morning, usually also on Sunday nights, and then as we got older we attended youth group on Wednesday nights. That makes a regular three doses of religion a week for nearly 18 years. My first experience came when I was about 6 years old.

I remember sitting in the pews of Grace Baptist Church, thinking about other things, when suddenly I started listening to the Pastor. I heard him saying something about the need to ask Jesus into your heart or you would go to hell where there was fire and punishment that lasted forever. As a six year old I was pretty rattled by that and decided that I should probably do that so that I didn't have to go there. So with every head bowed, every eye closed, and everyone looking around I decided to stand there and repeat the prayer in my head of what he was saying. I didn't go forward or go talk to the pastor afterwards. Later that I afternoon I told my mom what I had done and she wanted me to tell my dad. I don't remember why it was so hard for me to, because I knew that this wasn't an issue that I'd get into trouble about, but I just had a really hard time telling him. I just sat on the floor and cried. I was scared and nervous, but after I told him I then felt better. Within a few weeks we started talking about baptism.

I wanted to be baptized because it seemed like the good and right thing to do. I had seen so many other people up on stage do it and it didn't seem like such a bad thing. So we talked to the pastor about it. When we talked it was just he and I. I don't remember my parents being there. We were in his office which seemed to be dark except for the light that was shining through the window. He asked me some questions and then he seemed to be satisfied so we went out and talked to my parents about it and set up a date for it to happen. The date came and I then got dunked.

The whole experience seemed a bit odd to me, but I was only six. I remember changing into the baptism robe, going into the tank, going under, and then getting out, drying off, and getting dressed. That was the end of that because afterward we were having an all church picnic outside which meant that there would be a lot of food and I could play. I do remember, though, the people who then congratulated me later on being baptized. I didn't really know why they were doing that or what it meant. I just said thanks and kept playing. Life after that was just "normal" stuff for a kid; school, playing, church, little league...etc.

We stopped going to Grace Baptist Church when I was probably in 5th or 6th grade.

Pre-Teens
Things did get a little more interesting for me as I approached the end of my Elementary School days. I experimented for the first time with smoking [cigarettes that my neighbor used to sneak from his mom or sister] and I had my first look at a dirty magazine.

As I got into Jr. High, I got into fights fairly regularly. Not because I was a rough kid, but mostly because I was either picked on for my size or I accidentally said the wrong thing at the wrong time. My grades were horrible because I didn't have much interest in school. I would have rather been out riding my skateboard or drawing something. I apparently liked the 6th grade so much that I did it twice.

In the meantime, we had left Grace Baptist Church and started attending Airport Baptist Church. I really don't remember why we left there but we did and so I had to get reacquainted with a new batch of people my age. We weren't there for very long though. We visited for about a few months and then found ourselves visiting another church on the other side of town, First Federated Church, this time it was non-denominational. We attended there for about a year or so but it was strange. The church was huge; I think the biggest in town at that time. They always put on the best Christmas and Easter musicals, and they were the first church that we went to that had a full band that played during worship...I mean brass, drums, strings, backup singers...the whole deal. I thought that was cool, but I didn't really have any friends there. There may have been 1 or 2 others that I went to school with at the time but we were all there for the same reasons- we all had to go there for our parents so we may as well have fun. At the time their youth pastor didn't really do anything for me, although we did later become friends when I was in college.

The only draw to that church for me at that time was this girl that I met whom I could have lived without. We eventually broke up, which didn't impact my world in the least. The timing worked out also that for whatever the reason was, our stint there was done. Next stop, Capital City Baptist. This is where things really get interesting.

Into Jr. High/High School
After shopping around for another church for a while we ended up landing at Capital City Baptist Church on Des Moines' north side. It was new and exciting. The building was new, the people were nice....and the girls were really good looking. I didn't have any friends there yet because no one from my school went there. I was now, at least a little more, interested in going to church. By this time, I had taken an interest in politics and this place was really Republican. They preached about Heaven, Hell, Sin, and all that stuff, but when they talked politics I was all ears.

When I was in 9th grade things really sucked. I was at a new school with only a few people that I knew. I still had very little interest in education and I didn't really want to be around a lot of people. As the year went on though I did find myself making friends and getting around a bit. My grades were really bad though, so that caused a lot of tension between my parents and I. I spent a good amount of time grounded. That year, the beginning of the spring of 1994, I went into a near suicidal depression. I decided to tell a close friend of mine about it. He then cared enough to tell one of the school counselors. Before I knew it, I was then called into her office and then later that day checked into the hospital. I then spent about 6-8 weeks in mental rehabilitation both inpatient and outpatient. I think that it was really needed because of the previous 14 years of angst that had built up inside of me. I got a chance to tell my parents things that I might not have otherwise had the chance to. I got to apologize to my sister for the mean things that I had done to her as we grew up. I even made things right with people from my past at that point. I really wanted to clean my life up. [Oh, I failed to mention my experimentation with inhalants right before this time]

I was diagnosed then with having Unipolar Disorder. That essentially equates to common mild/moderate depression. Manic thoughts with depressive manifestations. I was then prescribed the antidepressant Prozak. It really seemed to work so I went back to school to finish out the year and then summer came.

That summer we took a much needed family vacation out to the Northwest Coast of Washington and Oregon to visit family. At this point in my life I was able to enjoy it more than I ever had in the past. There was something about being in the country and in the mountains or on the beach that put me at ease, but before we went out there I met with a "spiritual renewal" counselor to see if he could help me with aftercare from my time in the hospital. We agreed to start meeting after my family returned from vacation.

While on vacation I became reacquainted with a cousin of mine. He and his wife were very dedicated Christians who were just trying to help me. They had heard about my depression and everything that goes with it, so they lent me an audio cassette that contained either a sermon or lecture on the subject of Spiritual Warfare. After listening to it I became intrigued at the idea of spiritual power and authority...so I quietly said a prayer one night asking that if Satan were real he would show me by giving me some of these powers that I had heard about. Nothing happened though. I didn't start worshiping him, I didn't kill any animals, I didn't spit on a Bible...nothing changed. I still went to church and sang the songs; everything stayed the same.

After we returned from our month long vacation I began to meet with my new Christian counselor. He was a nice guy who had 5 kids. He worked in real estate for his main job but did free Christian counseling at night. My dad had lived down the street from him when they were kids. I was also accompanied by another guy from our church whom my parents respected. I won't go into everything that happened there but I will say that we went through Neil T. Anderson's book The Bondage Breaker in about a week's time. At the end of the week I truly felt like I was a brand new person and my life did begin to change radically.

I now studied like never before. I read the Bible more in one summer than I did my whole life. I wanted to go to church. I threw away all of my secular music and books. I stopped watching movies with violence and bad language. I threw away old writings of mine that were of a non spiritual nature. I began to cut ties with my non Christian friends. Things were really different for me. It was really difficult for my parents though because they were fairly nominal in their faith. They began by hoping that this guy would help me, and now I had become a religious nut. My consistency in behaviour was also testimony enough to the psychologist that I could go off of Prozak.

When I returned back to the youth group at Capital City Baptist Church I got our family in trouble. I was now so "on fire" for God that I was looked at as a radical. I was often asked to meet with the pastors about things that they had heard me either asking questions about or teaching others. I spent many hours with them examining the Bible and debating various issues. Since it was still summer, I had the time to be able to devote 4-5 hours a day in Bible reading and study. The more I read and studied, the more questions I had that challenged their Baptist way of thinking. I was eventually more or less put on probation. Simultaneously, the Youth/Music Pastor had been trying to pursue my dad to get him to play the part of Peter in the upcoming Easter Cantata. My dad's work schedule was too busy so he declined. Now there we stood, I was "too spiritual" and my dad lacked "real dedication." Also while that was going on, the church began to divide over the issue of a building project that had been offered. Church politics got the best of everyone and this led to a split. We, and several other families, went off with a group headed by the guy who went to counseling with me and we then started Family Bible Church.

Family Bible Church was a cozy gig. It allowed us to be ourselves. We studied the Bible pretty intensely and had a very tight nit group. We really were like a family. Nothing cultish about it; we just all really worked together. We met in the pastor's home or other homes around town. We often had other get-togethers outside of regular church. My dad and I got to sing with some of the other guys, which we really liked, and it was just a great time. But eventually all good things come to an end. Whatever the reasons, my parents decided that it was time to find a new church.

This new church hunt was especially hard for me. I had now developed friendships with people at school from a very diversified spread of Christianity. Though we all had acceptance and tolerance for each other, all of my studies were leading me to a more Charismatic/Pentecostal/Word of Faith view of the Bible. My parents seemed pretty set on finding another Baptist church and I tried to encourage them to try not to limit themselves so much denominationally. But they knew that I had become more charismatic then they were. We finally ended up landing at an Evangelical Free Church by invitation of my grandparents who had gone there for about a year before we did. 10 years and an "almost divorce" later, my parents are still at that Church, but it's terribly yuppier now than it has ever been.

Anyways, our time at the Evangelical Free church was what could be expected. They taught about man's sin, his need for redemption through Christ, Heaven, Hell...all of the regular stuff. We were in agreement on Sin and Salvation, Biblical Inerrancy/Inspiration/Infallibility...but I came to find out that the Youth Pastor, and all the other pastors there, were Post Tribulational Rapturists...and what's worse; they were also Calvinists. I felt the friction, but it wasn't a big enough thing to ruffle me too badly. I did, however, often feel that there was a real lack of Bible study in youth group. So to compliment that I would often visit other churches on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights [mostly charismatic churches].

My parents grew in concern for my Pentecostal ways so they eventually had me meet with the Youth Pastor about it. We met several times for several hours discussing various issues really to no avail. I felt like the more we talked and the more I head his position, the more it only seemed to solidify my own. So following suit, I had begun to think about making plans to attend RHEMA Bible College in Tulsa, OK. Unfortunately, my dad told me that if I planned on going there that he would not support me financially or otherwise. I really struggled with what to do at that point.

A few months before that, I had what I was convinced was a vision from God concerning my future. I had the dream in my first round of sleep followed by what I felt was the interpretation in the 2nd round. The dream told me that "Under you, many shall fall by fire." I didn't know what that meant really. Would I be a revivalist? An Evangelist? A Preacher? I didn't know but I just knew that it would be something with power.

Then in the spring, I had received what I believed was another "message" from God. It wasn't a vision or an audible voice, but it told me to lay aside everything that I had been studying on my own and just prepare for what God was going to do. So I prayed about it and made the decision in early summer to go to Grace University in Omaha, NE. This was an exciting and scary adventure for me. After all, I would be moving to a new city and living on my own, learning about God in a Christian college...etc.

College
College was a great experience for me. It would have been better if I would have known more what I was doing. I met some great people, I had some good work experiences, I learned about money and the lack thereof. But more than anything I was challenged mentally in a way that I had not been before.

To make a long theological story short-

I went into college a charismatic- I came out more conservative [the college was conservative]
I went into college a fundamentalist- I came out a little more moderate [the college was fundamentalist]
I went into college an Arminian- I came out a hybrid-Calvinist [the college was more Calvinistic]

I went into college a Mid Trib Rapturist- I came out a Post Trib Rapturist [the college was mostly Pre Trib/Pre Mil Rapturist]

My second year at the college I didn't know that I had Sleep Apnea. Because of that, I was tired enough that I ended up missing enough of my classes that I was failing. My work was still completed in good quality but my grades dropped because of my lack of attendance. I ended up with less than a 1.0 GPA

After College
Later that summer I received a letter from the college asking that I consider not returning until I was able to perform in a more serious academic way. I had already decided though that I wasn't going back. I needed to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. You see, right before going into my Freshman year of college I had gone on a church mission trip to Mexico. I fell in love with the country, the language and the people. I really believed in my heart that I was being called to one day return there as a missionary. That is where my college education came in. I knew that it could probably get me there. But into my second year I started to find my interest shift toward sociology/anthropology/philosophy. Before I knew it, my desire for missions had slipped away.

So I'm now back at home after having decided not to go back to college. I just wanted something normal in my life. I wanted to get married. I wanted to find out why I was always tired even though I was sleeping so much. I wanted to get a regular job. I just wanted something normal like everyone else.

I do admit that during this time I felt burned out from the whole Christian college scene. I felt like there were people there who had hurt me in certain ways. I also felt like the academia of it all had temporarily sucked the spirituality out of me. I felt like it was permissible for me to take a "break" from it all, but I knew that it wouldn't last long.

Before I knew it I was back at my parent's church with them trying to find my place among those left there my age. It was hard though because the "College & Career" class never had consistent attendance of either people or frequency. So I found myself becoming part of other groups. I attended the Drake University college ministry groups, I even found another church that was more routine in people my age. [That's where I eventually met my wife] But it still seemed that no matter what I did, no matter what formula I tried to follow, that I just couldn't swing back into the same spirituality that I possessed in High School. I then found myself swinging to and fro from the trees of thought.

Why doesn't this seem to work? Where is God. Why am I not hearing from Him. What should I be doing differently? What if I would have made different choices? Have I messed up God's will for my life?

When I found no immediate answers to these questions I then started to find myself wondering if Christianity was the only way. Perhaps there is something else out there. Perhaps God has a place for everything in the the Universe. Maybe all of these various religions are just God's various avatars through time.......

I had all of these thoughts until one day when I was sitting in church. While I was debating with myself over these issues it seemed as though God quietly spoke to my mind and told me that the reason for my confusion was that I was looking from the wrong perspective. I was at the bottom looking up and I needed to be at the top looking down so that I could see how He sees. Fair enough, so the journey began again.

I got back into Bible study, prayer, fellowship, etc. I did feel a newfound sense of commitment to God again. It felt easier to forgive those who had hurt me. Forgive myself for doubting. Forgive my choices, and all the rest. I was back on the road to recovery...until a few months later when I started having doubts and questions about my faith. It was also around this time that my wife and I were getting ready to get married. She was a Christian during this time, but not very committed or strong in her faith. It wasn't until after we got married that I started to feed my doubt a diet based solely on my emotions and experience. My beef against Christianity was based on the previous two ingredients. I wanted to call myself an atheist but I didn't really know exactly what all that entailed.

Eventually though, once again I found myself swinging back to biblical reasoning only this time it seemed like it was with more fervor and passion. I wanted to retrace my steps, and the steps of Christianity through history. This search led me to read more of the Bible, more history books, more apocryphal literature, etc...and I began to see that there was more to historic Christianity than just being a Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Reformed, etc. What I began to see initially was just how different the modern church appeared to be from the early Christian Church. As a reaction I started to wonder just what all happened that took it so far from its roots, and how can I try and recapture some of that authenticity in my life. The problem with that approach though is that reconstruction requires deconstruction....and we are really not fully capable of achieving that the way we think we can. So once again I found myself setting off on a new trail in my search for truth and direction.

Initially my studies showed me that some of the pet doctrines that are held to today have evolved somewhat since they first began. That's become a very large looming problem with religion in general- the metamorphosis through time. One of the first areas that I began to see this in was the area of Dispensationalism and Eschatology. I believed very firmly in a "Rapture" that would one day take all of us Christians home...but then I started to see how the whole idea of such a concept didn't really originate, or at least become more widely accepted until between 1830-1850. It was a relatively new doctrine that was initially rejected, but now very widely accepted. So after more study and listening to many formal debates on the subject I came to hold more of a Reformed Partial Preterist/Amillennial view.

The second major area was that of Final Retribution. I had once believed in such a thing as a literal Hell with real fire and real torture that literally lasted forever and ever. Through more study of both the Bible as well as historical and literary research I came to settle with my new belief that the Bible both supported and taught Annihilation in its pure and original context. But in order to arrive at that conclusion I had to first abandon the notion of reading the Bible as being 100% inspired and literal. The second thing I had to do was be open to extra biblical sources to help me determine the meanings of words.

I then hit a nerve in myself one day when I asked myself how exactly should I read the Gospels. Should I read them in their raw form and accept them at face value and assume that every word is timeless, or should I try and keep them in their historical and cultural context? Perhaps look at them as going back over court records or something like that; words that must be left only within the context of their time and place. I finally came to settle on the notion that Jesus probably said what he said in his day because of the things he was up against....but if he delayed his first coming until today the words and issues might be very different. That then allowed me to be able to remove that much more of the requirements to read the Bible literally in all regard. It allowed me to stop looking at the Gospels as historical records and consider them to possibly be more liturgical in nature.

The bottom line was just that I could no longer rely on all of the tradition and formal training that I had previously received. So many ideas, in light of stepping outside of the box that had been set for me, begged so many additional questions in my mind. So in my continued search for answers I thought that the best way to find out what Christians believed was to listen directly to Christians. I then scoured the Internet for whatever reading material or recorded debates/conversations/lectures on any and every possible subject. It only led me deeper into confusion and frustration. I found that all of these various people, who all claimed to be followers of the same God seemed to be describing very different gods in their presentations. I found that these students of the Bible, who were all supposedly filled with the same Holy Spirit that leads to ultimate truth, were all led in different directions. So many chasms, disagreements, nuances, variances...it was an extreme source of confusion, especially since many of their arguments were compelling, and based on scripture. So I found myself then almost back to square one. My conclusion then became that we all needed to ultimately define what Biblical Truth was for ourselves and then just personally live according to it. No need for debate, strife, disagreement; you do your thing and I'll do mine. But I still couldn't find what exactly mine was.

The icing on the cake for me was that January of 2006, after feeling a sense of depression for about 5 or 6 months, I finally went to the doctor and was put on prescription antidepressants. In trying to properly assess why I was depressed I simply could not make sense of it. Was it because of my sin? I wasn't hiding anything. Was it because of someone else's sin? I didn't think God worked that way. Was it so that God could show his glory? What does that mean anyways? Depending on who I talked to about it, I would get varying answers. I had my own little "Friends of Job" society.

Eventually in my studies I started seeing interesting things. The biggest issue was that in order to make sense of the total message of Christianity you had to first accept its tenets and then you would begin to understand its doctrine. In other words, you couldn't just pick up a Bible and come to these main doctrinal conclusions on your own, you had to be shown them either by someone else or by the Holy Spirit to begin to understand them. So I wanted to try and step back a bit and trace things back to the beginning.

I found that in order to understand Paul you need to understand Jesus. In order to understand Jesus you needed to understand the law and the prophets. The problem here was that the more I studied the law and the prophets, the more I saw their inability to stand on their own. I saw that even within Judaism, of which Christianity was supposed to be based on, there was much debate as to the meaning and purpose of their own scriptures. I read a lot on the possibilities of the stories of Creation, The Flood, Job, Jonah...all of these stories being myth and not fact; according to ancient reliable rabbis. If they are myth then how can we know whether or not to trust them?

So what have my studies since proven? I have come to have many suspicions about the Apostle Paul really being a true follower of the real teachings of Christ. He only quotes the words of Christ 3 times in his letters. The rest of his writings seem to be extremely mystical with regard to doctrine and a surface retracing of his Old Testament citations shows them to be either sincerely misunderstood or out of context. He was initially a solitary teacher of his mysteries. Jesus' appearing to Paul could not be fully verified even from the Bible's account. The accounts of the encounter in the book of Acts have two conflicting stories. There is really no more apparent reason to believe that Paul has any more credibility than Joseph Smith.

Who was Jesus really? We have 4 main Gospel accounts [at least the ones that made the final cut] that each have some discrepancies in their stories and their dating. It is therefore suspect that any of the original disciples actually finished writing any of them. It seems, given the time period, that there is probably truth mingled with legend. It is very likely that the original document that the Gospels are fashioned after is called Quelle or Q. It is a collection of only the sayings of Christ. That very well may have been the source document but recent archeology cannot provide any sure fire evidence for its existence. At any rate, when you take into account the contents of each Gospel account and compare it to its dating for origination, you will find that as time went by the stories did get a little more elaborate. And if we can accept these Gospels as they are, then why couldn't we accept all of the other Gnostic or extant Gospels and miscellaneous writings as also being true? They too contain mysterious and odd sayings and doings of Christ.

But just assuming that Jesus really did say and do everything that is recorded, how does it square with the Old Testament? It really doesn't. It is apparent that there is a real disconnect between how the people of his day interpret their Bible and how he does. He comes along and completely turns the tables upside down on everyone with "new teaching" as they often call it. Now, I think it would be extremely difficult to try and imagine being alive in those days to see all of this happening but what we can assume is that a reasonable doubt in those days would probably lead people into question by default. Jesus never directly claimed to be born of the virgin nor did he ever directly claimed to be God. Our modern hermeneutics would teach us that we can fairly conclude that he did, but I find that to be unfair to the text. It is also very unfair to the text to suggest his coming as a fulfillment of Old Testament prophecy. That is the difficulty with prophecy; it is extremely vague and claims of fulfillment lie solely in ones ability to interpret hindsight subjectively or presuppositionally. There is never any way to be able to fairly test external realities against spiritual claims of this nature.

Over all, I found/am finding that the biggest difficulty that I have with all of this is the level of intellectually dishonesty among many religious people. They often believe that the burden of proof is on others to prove that Christianity is wrong, rather than the burden of proof being on them to show it as being right; and their ace in the hole for dealing with this tension is "faith." The commodity of faith becomes the get-out-of-jail-free card. This can be especially evident with many issues pertaining to how the invisible qualities of God are clearly made known through Creation. Paul is speaking of still fallen creation at this point, and yet the clear characteristics of nature are contrary and inconsistent with what is revealed in the Bible. So how does one acquire even such general revelation through nature?

Many of these issues stem back to the advice that was given to us by our College President, who was a very fine man. "Think Critically" was what we heard whenever he spoke. Thinking critically has now brought me to this place. It is amazing how much different things look without the cloak of presuppositionalism or assumed indoctrination. When all one has are the naked pieces of evidence before him, it is hard to naturally come to such an elaborate conclusion such as Evangelical Christianity.

My conclusion thus far is this- At this point, with the evidence that I have before me, I must concede to theological agnosticism. If everything about Christianity is true, then I would have to concede to 5 Point Calvinism which believes that faith stands apart from reason and is only given to an isolated number of indiscriminately elected individuals, of whom I am apparently not one of them.

None of this is an attempt at trying to hurt anyone's faith, just simply an account of how I have progressively lost mine. If I had the time I would attempt to be much more concise and thorough in my examination of these and other issues...but for now I think that will be enough.

Jerry Falwell is dead

2007-05-15T13:27:00.000-05:00

LYNCHBURG, Va. - The Rev. Jerry Falwell, who founded the Moral Majority and built the religious right into a political force, died Tuesday shortly after being found unconscious in his office at Liberty University, a school executive said. He was 73.

I do not believe the homosexual community deserves minority status. One's misbehavior does not qualify him or her for minority status. Blacks, Hispanics, women, etc., are God-ordained minorities who do indeed deserve minority status.

-- Rev Jerry Falwell, USA Today Chat, quoted from The Religious Freedom Coalition, "The Two faces of Jerry Falwell"

Where is it?

2007-05-14T16:57:00.000-05:00

This post is brought to you by reading about history.

Today I was looking at some websites that chronicled the writings of various "church fathers/leaders" from the beginnings of the Church. What struck me was not that they had things to say, or even what they had to say, but I found myself wondering how these guys received the status that they did.

Justin Martyr, Polycarp, Ignatious, Clement, etc. These guys were all bishops of the church in various places after 100CE, but how did they get there? What was in place that made it recognizable for these men to hold the positions that they did?

The Apostle Paul mentions various roles that were found within the Church in his letter to the Ephesians. Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Pastors, and Teachers. How does he know this? When did Jesus ever mention pyramids like this? What other writings were out there before Paul's to affirm such an idea? Were there any?

Perhaps this was the beginning of the ability to play "Chinese Baseball" with the Pauline version of Judaism. (the term "chinese baseball" comes from the idea that since the rulebook was incomplete that they could make up and change rules as they went along)

Using the mind....

2007-05-08T16:24:00.000-05:00

OK, so I have recently found myself now following the path of the freethinkers.

My wife and I have talked about the issues just a little bit, which she remains to be a born again, Evangelical Christian. She says that my biggest hang up is that I am too intellectual about faith.

Can that be possible? Can it be possible to ignore certain trouble spots within a religion, willingly, and still be intellectually honest about one's faith?

My biggest point of contention is that many Christians ask others questions that they are not seemingly willing to ask themselves. I'll just throw out a simple example here-

Christianity rejects Mormonism because there is no evidence that Joseph Smith really heard from God and his message is somewhat contradictory to the rest of the Bible.

Christianity rejects Jehovah's Witnesses because they too had another prophet who came along and altered the Christian message.

Christianity rejects the Muslim teachings because God did not reveal anything to Mohamed.

BUT, Christianity accepts the teachings of a man named Paul of Tarsus who only had a vision of Jesus, that no one else could confirm. And on top of that, Paul's doctrinal teachings are very complex and unrelated to the direct teachings of both Jesus and the Old Testament that he quotes.

There are certain criteria that Christianity uses to reject others, but not applied to its own rule of decision.

So, the Bible says that our hearts and minds are corrupt. That could possibly account for a chasm in our understanding of God....but what kind of system has a god who must communicate to humans on terms that they are capable of understanding, and yet they can't use their corrupt minds to attain such understanding?

Is it necessary to stop thinking to be a Christian? I don't ask the question in jest or in ill feeling...it is just that of the majority of those whom I have read, the ones who studied and searched the most have been the ones who have ultimately been the ones to depart from the faith. What are the others ignoring?

Moving

2007-02-15T11:31:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone.

Just a note to say that I'm moving and changing. I figured that with a name like The Reluctant Disciple that most of the posts should be of a spiritual nature. Well, I would really prefer to have a blend of items so I've created a new blog called The Raging Paradoxidation

I am going to move some of my posts from here over to there....and then after a while I am probably going to delete this one.

Thanks.

Bats are annoying

2007-02-11T21:32:00.000-06:00

As I am sitting here at my computer, I can here these nasty varmants up in the space where my outside walls meet my attic. I hear the little scratching of their nails/tallons on the lathe and insulation in the walls. And I can also hear their little high pitched chirp that they give off.

I know that they are not really harming anything; I just hate having them in my house. I know from experience that they are not that hard to deal with. In fact, they are very docile and can be picked up if you are wearing leather gloves. [well, you could pick them up even without gloves but I wouldn't want to risk it in case one chose to bite and it had rabies or another infectious disease].

One day I'm going to get a BB Gun and go up in my attic and lay down the law.

I like having them around in the summer since they eat mosquitos and other bugs....but I would just rather they stayed outside! I gave them 2 bat houses up on the south side of my garage that they could use; but no. they prefer my attic.

Sunday Evening Thoughts

2007-02-04T21:40:00.000-06:00

I am trying to get back into the habbit of blogging; even though I am pretty well convinced that it is mostly just for my puking forth of ideas. I don't really expect anyone else to take this too seriously since I have a hard enough time with it myself.

I am currently sitting here watching an old BBC DVD put out by 4 or the 5 mates who would later go on to give birth to Monty Python's Flying Circus. The show is called Do Not Adjust Your Set. It is interesting to say the least. My opinion is that it is not nearly as funny as MP but I don't know that it was aiming for the same thing. You know, kind of like one of those mediocre ideas that ends up turning into something great.

Other than that, life is coming and going at the same rate that it always does.

Super Bowl XLI is now on the books and the Colts now have the title. The world will be back to normal again tomorrow.

We went to church this morning. I didn't want to leave the house. I don't know that any of us really wanted to. It is hard to be motivated when it is -12 outside. Even as I write this, tonight has thus far brought us down to -7. I have stopped doing the whole wind chill or heat index thing. I now just take either the hottest number in the summer or the coldest number in the winter and just say that.

It is so cold that our fireplace just isn't keeping up. The furnace also keeps kicking in. I am afraid of what our gas bill is going to be for this month.

While sitting in church this morning I had an onslought of thoughts and questions. The topic this morning was the issue of grace being a free gift and how grace ties into the issue of eternal security, or not being able to lose one's salvation.

On the one hand, we believe firmly that salvation comes by grace through faith; that is has absolutely nothing to do with our works. I was reminded quickly of other references from the New Testament that speak clearly of those who have been saved as having been "predestined" or "called" according to God's foreknowledge. Romans 8 says that those whom he foreknew he predestined, called, justified, etc. Ephesians 2 states that even the faith to believe in Christ is something that was given before it was manifest.

So still this dichotomy- Only faith will save....You are not saved by works....Even faith can become a work. Salvation is supposed to be something that is completely God's doing. So then why all the instruction. Why all the debate? Why isn't the issue settled?

Another issue that has put me back in the oven on the issue [forgive me, I'm not exactly sure what that phrase means...I just threw it out there.] is this guy that responded to one of my wife's blog posts on MySpace. She had written something about praying for patience and working through that and God allowing suffering. Then some "faith-cop" felt the need to email her about it and say that he didn't like the post because God doesn't make people wait or suffer. The long and the short of it was that he was convinced of his perspective. He was one of those Word of Faith/Name It-Claim It/Blab It-Grab It guys. He could be found as a "friend" on the pages of Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, Andrew Wommack, and many others in that camp.

I wrote him a 4 page letter in response telling him why I thought that his theology was bad....but I even stated in it that I didn't expect him to listen or understand right now. I used to be like him. I was right and everyone who disagreed with me was wrong. And when they were wrong, then I felt it was my duty to correct them in whatever the matter was.

So many franchises of things to believe or subscribe to regarding spirituality.

I am starting to believe more and more that we should probably each just do our own thing and leave well alone. It is just ironic because at one time I believed that any friendship should ultimately have "God" at the center of that. But what the hell does that mean anymore? A lot of that, I can only assume, is that one's ideas about God are to be at the center of the relationship. After all, how can God be at the center if neither of the participants has any personal relationship with Him/Her? And how can they know that their "personal relationship" is really either personal, or with God. At very best we can only assume that the things that we experience can be described as encounters with God.

It seems that the only way to successfully have God at the center of relationships is when there is agreement about what that means. Unfortunately, as a result I have now come to the conclusion that relationships seem easier without such monopolies. Sure it can be a topic of conversation, so long as the parties are open; but there is no room for the competition of ideas in the name of truth.

The whole issue rings true with my wife and I. We have not really ever agreed on much spiritually, though we had both claimed to be Christians. Often conversations would turn into disagreements that would then turn into arguments that I didn't feel were worth sacrificing the quality of the relationship for the sake of spiritual disagreement.

Ironically, I feel kind of like this amount of skepticism that I have right now makes it easier to be more objective in answering any questions that she has because I don't feel like I have any particular agenda that I'm pushing. If she asks where a verse is I can just tell her without trying to turn it into some kind of a lesson. Though it is also difficult because I have not told her the extent of the things that I write about here. She seems to be "growing" in her faith for the first time that I've ever seen and I don't want to be a stumbling block for her on purpose about anything.

I just wish that it took more than faith. I just wish that something could and would happen to settle my issues once and for all...but the chances are dim. I imagine that even if something did happen that I would either miss it or misunderstand it.

Faith alone, so they say....but right now faith alone is just lonely.

A follow-up to my last post on skepticism

2007-01-27T23:11:00.000-06:00

Did I really mean everything that I typed in my last post about this? Yes and no.

I have done a lot of thinking over the last several months. The truth is, I never really feel like I know who I am or where I stand.

I feel deep down inside of myself that for probably many reasons that I would still adhere to many of the tenets of faith as laid out by Christianity....or at least what I understand to be Christianity. I really want to believe in the authenticity, veracity, trustworthiness, etc...of the Bible. I really want to believe that I am right about everything that I believe too. So what is my major hang-up?

My biggest hang-up is that I, along with everyone else, believe that I am right. So how do we know who is right? Even in my "Christian walk" I have gone from believing one thing so very certainly to believing something else just as certainly. Here are some simple examples-

Creation- I used to believe that the Genesis creation account was literal. I truly believed that the only acceptable interpretation of it was the way I saw it. The current view that I would hold if I took myself seriously is that the Genesis accounts are allegorical in nature and that there is no historical or scientific data to back it.

The Bible- As a "younger" Christian I believed firmly that the Bible was written directly by the hand of God and therefore was completely perfect in every way; historically, spiritually, grammatically....and that it was only to be taken at face value. Since then I have come to believe/understand that these are not the cases. I don't believe that God wrote it directly, but that rather it is a work of men who had been moved to write various things in a similar way that perhaps writers and artists have been "inspired" to do their work.

Eschatology- As a younger Christian I believed that closer to the dawning of the end of time that all of the Church would be raptured up into heaven and then the world would experience all hell breaking loose on earth. That there would be 3 1/2 years of peace followed by 3 1/2 years of what would be called "The Great Tribulation." This person would come as a great world leader and deceive everyone into following them into a 1-world-government. Then all of the rest of what was written in the book of Revelation would have its literal fulfillment here on earth. Then the more I studied I came to the other conclusion that the "Tribulation" that Jesus talked about already happened with the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 AD. That there was no future anti-Christ; and that the book of Revelation and the apocalyptic writings of the prophets were simply allegorical for overriding spiritual realities.

Retribution- I used to believe in a literal Hell where people who "rejected" Christ went to burn forever and ever. Then the more that I studied, the more convinced I became that the Bible taught more of an annihilation perspective on Hell. That people didn't burn forever, but were tormented for a time and then evaporated into nothingness.

These are just some things....but the point is that there are so many different view out there. All of these different views come from the study of one source; The Bible.

Steve, I understand and respect your position that it is hard to trust and rely on any human as we are all full of our own ego and agenda....and yet while I agree with that, there also seems to be irony in that we cannot survive without each other. How do we learn anything? Usually from another physical source. If it is not a physical source, but rather a spiritual source then with all of the variety how is one to know which path is right?

Are there nuggets of truth in each variety? Do Baptists have something that the Catholics don't and vice-versa? Do the Hindus see something that the Muslims don't? Do the Muslims see something that the Buddhists don't? Could they all be interrelated? Could they all be part of a mosaic that can't truly be seen from inside itself? Or could each group be just as inventive as the next? Could they all be completely full of crap?

These are the issues that I wrestle with.

"Wise counsel" usually leads me to do something about a particular situation or thought process. The advice is usually connected to some type of cause and effect. "If I do this, then that will happen." And then if the prescription is not followed then it is decided by others that the person isn't trying hard enough.

There are just lines of certain reason that don't always follow. As Christians we often fault skeptics and lunatics for believing things that aren't true. We tell them that "you can believe that as much as you want but it doesn't mean that it will make it come true." The same thing could be true of us too.

For example- I, unfortunately, listen to a certain broadcast over the Internet hosted by a Reformed Baptist who often has call in debates/discussions with atheists. His biggest argument against other religions is based on rational consistency as it relates to internal critiques. He says that pretty much any other religion than Christianity can be broken down to be found as false by performing an internal critique. The only problem is that anyone on the inside of a particular system has been conditioned to defend or uphold their system as being capable of standing up to the internal critique...it is just that you first have to lay hold of certain presuppositions. The issue with this Reformed Baptist is that he fails to see that to anyone outside of his franchise of Christianity, his views cannot stand the test of internal critique without faults being found. Perfection is in the eye of the subscriber.

The thing that I do like about the ideas brought forth in What the #$%@! do we know is that we are forced to be confronted with ideas that are outside of our normal realm of thinking. Our ideas of God are challenged by certain things in science...not necessarily negated, but challenged in our ideas.

On the other hand, I fear that the movie might provoke the thought that people are really in more control than what reality shows. Our own "will" can only go so far. There are limitations to the realities that we try and create...and whatever capacity of brain power that we are functioning at right now- that's probably as good as we'll ever be, unless we get struck by lightening or something else to open things up a bit.

Travis, I have not read your piece on the Shamans. I would be curious though. I think that I may have seen it briefly posted on your MySpace blog but I didn't really read it. {was in a hurry} Let me know if you can repost it or send it to me through email.... But in any case to your comments; I know that this is a new path, but I don't know what that path is and whether I should be wearing boots, sneakers, sandals, or going barefoot. And perhaps it will just bring me full circle back to my beginning. I have found that many times in my life I head down paths like this only to come back to where I started more deeply rooted than before.

Jason, I apologize that I haven't gotten in touch with you. I am deeply surprised that I've had time to even work on this post at all....[it's been written over several days as I've had spare moments]. I apologize if any of this comes as a shock or disappointment. I guess all I can admit to is my frail humanity that is subject to all sorts of things. And this is in no way intended to try and make others question their faith the way I am. My goal is not to try and plant doubt in any mind but rather just explore my own.

Concerning my reference to Robert Ingersoll; while he does have some valid points I really part ways with him when he chooses to refer to people of faith as "weak minded" or "uneducated." I think that is a bit ignorant on his part. Although, keep in mind though that he did not claim to be an atheist. I think that many people have misunderstandings about the difference between atheists and agnostics.

I believe in a God. I don't believe that all is left to chance. I don't believe that there are multiple spirits out there competing. What I don't know though is what God is truly about. Everyone seems to find Him/Her in their own right....and do they not have that right? Are they right? How can we be so right?

For now, my head hurts and I'm tired.

Heartwarming

2007-01-17T09:12:00.000-06:00

Our friends from across the pond have started a new project known as the "Complaints Choir."

I'm sure that your heart will sing along with those who finally understand you.

Check them out today!

New Application Of Reluctance

2007-01-05T22:03:00.000-06:00

I don't even know how long it has been since I have blogged. I didn't check out my site before coming on here to write this but I'm sure that it has been several months.

I've called myself a Reluctant Disciple. I've said that I am a follower of Jesus but am reluctant to call myself a Christian. I now know that I am probably done calling myself a Christian for good.

I think that my journey down this path started sometime last winter. I had been struggling with depression [which I think is probably a more permanent thing for me now] when I started noticing many of my thoughts shifting. I don't think that it had anything to do with the medication that I was on, although I'm sure that some of you reading this might argue otherwise... I started having more questions and doubts about many of the things that I held dear. Many of my pillar beliefs didn't seem to be such a strong support any longer. It became easier to question many of my core beliefs. Now I feel a little more comfortable with the ability to ask, but due to a lack of answers I still feel a certain tension in the uncertainty.

So what has been shaken for me? I'll do a non-exhaustive list and explain each briefly. By the way, this is by no means an attempt to try and refute Christianity or speak bad of those who adhere strictly to its tennets....so apologists should hold their fingers.

1. I have noticed an unwavering truth that no two people are alike and yet still some fall into certain matched classes.

Thank God for diversity. Life would be so boring without it. A room full of people like me would certainly have me wanting to jump out the window; even if it was still ground floor. Given the diversity of thoughts and persuasions there are many people who are still not persuaded by the logic behind Christianity. Certainly there might be many similarities among the moral nuances within groups but those can still exist outside of getting into any sorts of doctrine.

Various personalities are pulled toward differing things. It seems that there are just as many people who have become as passionate about their gardening as others have become their religion. There are others who are incredibly intelligent who exhert as little effort as those who are just natually not intelligent. People are who they are and even when they try to force themselves to be something that they are not naturally then they can only survive for so long before they snap back to what they are.

While one man regards his every breath as a providencial gift from God, another may pass years without even the passing thought of God's existence. This same God, who we are supposed to be images or reflections of, seems to have made for himself [or any other reason] a people or species of thinkers who are as diverse as snowflakes. Nevertheless there are minds that can be persuaded by certain facts or thoughts. Even by fantacy. They can have their minds changed in either moments of time or through trial and error. Then there are others yet that regardless or fact or impression would not so much as joke about changing core beliefs. The way that they see it is the only way that there is.

The basis of this observation makes it very difficult for me to believe so arbitrarily in such a concrete form of what we have come to understand to be "God."

2. Following statement 1 leads to the diversity of interpretation of life, literature, culture, history...etc.

Given the complicated nature of the human mind and socialogical compounds it is no surprise to find such diversity of thought. Perspective is everything. The nature of a person coupled with how they were nurtured in their upbringing. There are so many factors that go into what makes us up as individuals.

Other considerations of interpretation can include leadership. I have heard it said that "History is written only by those who have won wars." Do some reading of history from different authors from different countries and you may very well find very different sets of information. Even from a religious standpoint, history can only be interpreted after the happening of events; and even then it can only be speculation.

3. The diversity of religions and how they are all so alike.

I believe that it is in man to try and explain our origin. I believe that it is in man to want to be a part of something that is larger than himself...unless he thinks that he's as big as it gets. For thousands, if not hundreds of thousands of years, civilizations have worshipped something; the Sun, Moon, Stars, Zeus, Zoaster, God, Jehovah, Allah, Isis, Osiris, Ra, Satan, Jesus, Mohammed, Mithra, Frogs, Nature...the list goes on and on. Each god that has been worshipped has blessed its followers, according to them.

Many people have chronicled the similarities, but most recently I read one of Robert Ingersoll's discourses in how similar the Judeo/Christian stories were to that of primitive and ancient stories of other people. I am not going to get into all of those here. You can read more about them here.

4. The disagreements among its own.

I probably listen to too much religious broadcasting; in fact, I know that I do. Right now, there are 3 major camps that have the loudest voices- The Reformers, The Evangelicals, and The Emergent. When I sit and do comparisons between just these 3 (and I'm excluding most of all of the other variations at this point due to space) it truly seems as though they are all talking about 3 different gods. Each group has the same source, namely the Bible, but the interpretation of that source is so different that they become separated from one another quickly. Also, according to each, the others are wrong.

The disconnect occurs in me to think that the assumed commonality between them all, being the Holy Spirit, would be either a.) far enough removed that they are free enough to come to their own conclusions b.) lucid enough to lead them to believe in such diversity of explanation c.) tolerant enough to allow such opposition d.) misleading enough to actually produce such discord

Then pulling back the sites a bit you can then see the lines that divide Christianity into Conservatism, Liberalism, Orthodoxy, Neo-whatever...

What seems so hard for me to believe or accept is that the same God who in times past supposedly spoke in such black and white ways as to avoid the confusion through prophets and kings would now today be silent apart from a book, the Bible, which is now the source for so much confusion.

5. The Bible itself

So many events recorded in the Bible have no direct historical backing to them. It makes the case for their credibility that much more difficult when the origional manuscripts no longer exist either. Conflicting sources have Moses leading the Israelites either through the Red Sea which would have been at least 100 feet deep, or through the Reed Sea which would have only been about 3 inches deep.

Apart from the Bible there is no historical record in Egyptian history of them ever having Hebrew slaves as Genesis and Exodus would lead us to believe. While Noah's flood was most likely only local to his geographical region, many other civilizations also have very similar "Flood" stories involving different characters.

The History books of the Bible weren't actually written down until several centuries after the events took place. The tales were passed down through oral tradition. The books of the Prophets strike me as especially fascinating when I think about either the a.) necessity for God to speak slowly so that the Prophet could write everything down b.) a scribe for the prophet to write everything down as it happened c.) an after the fact recounting of what all went down d.) necessity for future generations to believe the accounts and messages without having been there. Each of them makes the viability of the prophets difficult for me to take too seriously.

The Gospels were written by men at least 20-40 years after Christ's return to heaven. Assuming that the disciples were at least 15 when they were called by Christ then they would have been 38-58 years old when they wrote them (and that is a conservative dating) Most likely they were not written until 40-60 years after Christ, which would have put the authors attributed to them in their graves before they were written...but assuming that they are younger in age, the copies that are still around to compare show that there were differing versions in circulation; which means that the liklihood of them being altered or added to was high.

The majority of the Epistles were written by Saul of Tarsus, who had no direct correspondance with Jesus. His teaching also takes great liberties in interpreting them when compared to the original Old Testament texts that he so often cites. Jesus himself also caused quite an uproar within Judaism in his day with what seemed like such radical re-interpretations of the ancient texts.

The religious structures that Jesus and Paul sought to control evolved to quickly and freely to keep a handle on.

The Bible itself has been a work in progress. The Old Testament as we now have it was not fully canonized until about the time of Christ, and the New Testament was not canonized until 300-400 years after Christ. Even then, canons varied from one part of the known world to another. The Egyptian canon was slightly different than the African or early European.

Today many canonize the interpretations of teachers of the Bible over the Bible itself. There is no apparent canon rule other than subjective reason.

6. The Evolution of Judaism and Christianity

Whenever you sit down to do a historical analysis of how each have evolved it is clear that neither of the two seem very static. Either the God of each has changed or their perceptions of him has changed...thus changing the nature of worship, belief and life. Each generation introduces something new about God or revelation. Each new introduction turns the table just a bit more.

Religious leaders, Politicians, Kings, Rebels...they all play roles in how the system will play out in their own time. At this time in the grand scheme our only assumption can be healthy skepticism.

In the time of Christ it was often believed that someone who exhibited outrageous or uninvited behaviour was said to have a demon. Today science has found many conditions that can manifest naturally in the brain through chemical imbalances, traumas, birth defects, etc.

So many issues. Yet as engrained with Christianity as I am, reluctantly I now must confess to be a theistic agnostic. I still believe in a God....I just don't really know it.

Interesting Open Letter

2006-12-10T21:41:00.000-06:00

The frustrating thing about religion is that so many people have so many different views; many of which can be confusing, misunderstanding, mis-informed, or just plain disagreeing. I like the letter below from a listener to Dr. Laura-

On her radio show recently, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant
Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance . The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. ... End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. The passage clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

James M. Kauffman, Ed.D.
Professor Emeritus
Dept. of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia

Random Birthday Thoughts

2006-09-11T17:29:00.000-05:00

9/11. Today is my 28^th birthday and it has been just like every other day, except for all of the additional Twin Towers propaganda that has been all over the news for the last week. I’m tired of it. As tragic of an event that it was, I believe that it is time that we as a nation move on and stop coddling the psychotic nurturing of all of the immature feelings and emotions that we are still holding on to from what happened that day. Enough said about that though.

Another year has passed and in so many ways I feel differently the same. I’m closer to 30 but I feel like my taste in music is still pretty much the same as it was last year. My kids are also getting older with me as well as my wife.

Although I don’t think that it’s a huge problem for me, it seems like all of us have a certain desire in ourselves to not want to get older. Perhaps differences in age can be social barriers. Perhaps sometimes they are appropriate barriers. Like when I drive past a High School and see some girl whose pretty good looking; even though my being married is deterrence enough, it seems like it’s deeper when I stop and think that I’m probably 10 years older than the chick in the mini-skirt whose father is probably just as protective of her as I am of my daughter.

Things seem to sink in more and more each year. I work a full time job and have for the last 6 years. I’ve been married now for almost 6 years. I have 2 children and probably a 10 year High School class reunion that might happen this next summer. I pay property taxes and chose not to get into fights because failure to comply with the “big people” laws can land someone in an iron cell.

I suppose that also with age comes a certain amount of acquiring of knowledge that also breeds grief. The longer I have studied God and studied men who have studied God, the less He/She/It makes sense to me. When I was a kid I just wanted to be a pro skateboarder. Now I just want to be a good dad and husband.

No matter where someone is in life there are certainly decisions to be made that will affect everything else. For instance, I work with a guy who just spent 10 days with his wife at the Grand Canyon doing all of the things that are offered there. Today was his first day back at work and he said that if it wasn’t for his kids and grandkids that he and his wife very well might not have returned. He said that it was one of those truly “life changing” experiences where you forget about the world and all of the BS pressures that it tries to force. Time away from cell phones, TVs, radios, and anything else that resembles modern life. He said that in 2 weeks time that their desires of building a new house have disappeared in the finer pursuit of just living a simpler life. He said that probably the reverse would happen and that they’d move into a smaller house and get rid of all the extra crap that they really don’t need. I say Amen to that.

So today is my birthday and it has been different than all the others, but I’m just not quite sure how. For some reason, while I greatly appreciate and love all of my family and friends who wish me well, there is still a part of me that just doesn’t want to answer the phone tonight. I don’t need the songs. I only want 2 things- the tools to do my job and a safe place to live.

Don’t buy into the lie that everyone and everything is trying to sell. There is no money. There is no happiness. There is no greater dream out there. The only things that are real are life and contentment. Sometimes it takes work to get to the contented stage, but don’t buy the lie that says that there’s more to be had. It could all be gone tomorrow.

Happy Birthday to me? No. I just want my wife and kids and a place to live and all will be well tonight.

???

2006-08-25T15:08:00.000-05:00

Follow the link...

Man Thinks He's Jesus

What is a mystic?

2006-08-24T22:33:00.000-05:00

mys‧tic [mis-tik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
Âadjective

1.	involving or characterized by esoteric, otherworldly, or symbolic practices or content, as certain religious ceremonies and art; spiritually significant; ethereal.

2.	of the nature of or pertaining to mysteries known only to the initiated: mystic rites.

3.	of occult character, power, or significance: a mystic formula.

4.	of obscure or mysterious character or significance.

5.	of or pertaining to mystics or mysticism.

Ânoun

6.	a person who claims to attain, or believes in the possibility of attaining, insight into mysteries transcending ordinary human knowledge, as by direct communication with the divine or immediate intuition in a state of spiritual ecstasy.

7.	a person initiated into religious mysteries.

Question- Could there truly be mysticism without Christianity? Could following Christ be possible without some experience of mysticism?

Not Gnosticism; mysticism.

Truth or Fiction?

2006-08-22T16:03:00.000-05:00

At 28, Pastor Has Five Degrees and a 4,300-Member Flock Church at Brook Hills leader David Platt may be youngest megachurch pastor ever.
by Greg Garrison, Religion News Service | posted 08/15/2006 10:00 a.m.

The new senior pastor of the 4,300-member Church at Brook Hills in Birmingham, Alabama, recently turned 28, so maybe the jokes about him being so young will stop.

Or maybe not. Even the clerk at Wal-Mart didn't believe he was buying props for his sermon; she thought he must be the youth pastor. People sometimes ask him what he does, then say, "No, seriously, what do you really do?"

When the Church at Brook Hills hired David Platt as senior pastor this summer, he became one of the youngest megachurch pastors in the country. "He may be the youngest ever to be senior pastor of a megachurch," said John Vaughn, founder of the Megachurch Research Center in Bolivar, Mo.

Vaughn, who helped coin the term megachurch to define churches with 2,000 or more weekly attendance, said that in 26 years of researching megachurches he has not seen such a young minister named senior pastor of such a large church.

Platt, who had never been a senior pastor before, agrees it's an unusual opportunity.

"This is a very intimidating position to be in," Platt said. "There are a lot of factors that only God can get credit for. It doesn't make sense outside of that."

Platt has five college degrees, including a doctorate and two master's degrees from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, and two bachelor's degrees from the University of Georgia. He was hired by the seminary as assistant professor of preaching and apologetics and dean of the chapel after he finished his doctorate.

He was also working at Edgewater Baptist Church in New Orleans and living in a parsonage when Hurricane Katrina hit last year, flooding the parsonage. That sent him and his wife, Heather, packing back to the Atlanta area, where they both grew up.

Brook Hills was looking for fill-in preachers after the retirement of founding Senior Pastor Rick Ousley, who helped grow the church from 30 members in 1990 to worship attendance of 4,000.

The church's executive pastor, Larry Herndon, got recommendations on Platt from officials at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Herndon said he questioned whether a preacher at 27 could hold the attention of the congregation.

"They said, 'Just listen to him once.'"

Herndon invited Platt to preach in January. He was invited back several times, then began a six-week sermon series in March. The search for a new pastor soon focused on him.

The church, which has an annual budget of $6 million, voted in June to choose him as senior pastor. Sunday worship attendance had dropped off to 2,300 after Ousley left; with Platt preaching, it's back up to 3,000.

With a Matt Damon smile, short-sleeve button-up shirts — no tie — and an aw-shucks demeanor, Platt seems to put an audience at ease, then stuns them with his apparent near-memorization of the New Testament.

"He has such a command of the Word of God and love for it," Herndon said. "You forget how old he is; he's not speaking from experience, he's speaking from the Word of God. He disarms the audience with his youthful presence and casual manner, sets people at ease, then he starts teaching, and you get engaged. When he speaks, he's confident of what he's saying."

Platt can recite long Scripture passages from memory and moves from one precise biblical reference to another to back up his points, which focus heavily on evangelism and world missions.

"I want my preaching to be saturated with the Word of God," Platt said. "We have to know Christ, know him well and know his word."

In sermons, Platt draws on his travels to Indonesia, where he has led pastors' conferences, taught seminary courses and visited earthquake survivors. He's also visited Sudan, China and India. He and his wife plan to go to Kazakhstan to adopt a child this year.

"The Christian life is not to be lived in seclusion from the rest of the world, it's to be lived in the middle of the world," Platt said. "My mission is to make disciples of all nations and mobilize other people to do the same."

Herndon, 55, said older ministers on the staff have embraced Platt's leadership, which often takes off in unexpected directions.

In concluding a recent sermon, Platt made what seemed to be a spontaneous call for donations to build houses for earthquake victims in Indonesia. He asked those who would give over their usual offerings to step forward at the two morning services in the 2,100-seat sanctuary.

The congregation gave $110,000 to build bamboo huts with tin roofs for Indonesian villagers ravaged by a massive earthquake.

"We did not expect this kind of response," Herndon said. "We can almost build a village now."

Platt hopes to send teams from the church to help oversee construction.

Trained at a Southern Baptist seminary, Platt said he mainly views denominational affiliation as a useful tool for mission work. The Church at Brook Hills, while avoiding the word "Baptist" in its name, has continued to be affiliated with the 16 million-member Southern Baptist Convention.

"Denominations can be helpful, particularly in organizing for overseas work," Platt said. "I don't think loyalty to a denomination is a biblical priority for the church, but if it helps the church better accomplish missions goals, it's a good thing."

The church will continue to support denominational missions while also Platt said he believes the Brook Hills congregation will take on his challenges to engage in worldwide missions.

"The possibilities are endless," he said. "That's one of the reasons I'm here."

Greg Garrison writes for The Birmingham News.

Some things bear repeating...some things don't

2006-07-31T06:55:00.000-05:00

This year I participated with this project. Actually as I type this I have just recovered from the weekend of "shooting" a 5 1/2 minute film. I was asked by a group of people at work as well as some people I went to High School with and other folks that I know to join them in this for this year. They did it last year and had a lot of fun so I figured "why not."

The purpose of this competition is to show up someplace at a designated time where all participants receive a common a) Character name b) prop and c) catch phrase. Then each group basically draws out of a hat to see what genre of film they have to make. If you don't like what you drew you can opt for a "wildcard" which allows you to take a second pick of what's left. Once each group has received all of that, they then have 48 hours to write, shoot, edit, and produce their films and drop them off back at the main office. They are then reviewed and judged to see who wins. The winner of each city then competes regionally. The regional winners compete nationally, and the national winners then compete internationally.

We decided beforehand that we should be prepared for whatever genre that we may pick, so we had a couple meetings as a big group and came up with script ideas for each category that we could possibly end up picking. We had some good stuff. Then whoever came up with the best idea for each genre had to write up a mini script to present to the group director a few days before the project began. We all did so.

We had decided that if we ended up drawing Action/Adventure, Spy, or Western/Musical that we were going to opt for the wildcard. I had written up a script though that most of our group liked for the Spy genre. It was basically about a peeping tom neighbor who thinks that he sees one of his neighbors get murdered. Everybody liked it....

Well, to make a long story short we ended up getting Spy and the "director" of our group in conjunction with only one other person decided on the spot that we were not going to use what we had already drafted (against their own assurance to the group that they weren't going to do that again). So we ended up doing a "Zombie Spy Movie."

For whatever reason our leader wanted to make a stupid zombie movie out of whatever category we picked...and they wanted whatever we picked to also have a lot of comedy in it. Personally I have only seen one zombie movie that actually did comedy well Shaun of the Dead. We certainly could not do another one of those. Anywhoo...the majority of the group scoffed at the director's ideas and did not like them. So we ended up with more than 3/4 of the cast and crew, myself included, completely unhappy with what we were making. However, we had already committed to helping out with the understanding that this was "our" movie and not his. At least for me, that is what kept me there. I mean, right from the beginning arguments of our commencement meeting on Friday night when I heard someone say that this was so-and-so's movie...I was ready to leave because that is not what I was told from the beginning.

The movie was completed with plenty of time to get it back to the drop off point...but most of us felt like this- The film was put together well. It had a) good music that fit the scenes b) good editing that made it flow c) good makeup d) good editing with nice effects

But the story, which was the biggest part completely sucked. We gave a lot of thought to whether we would do this again next year or not. At least with the same full group of people.

I vote no. I vote for the drilling everyone involved to make sure that we're all on the same page from the beginning and if people aren't willing to stick to the plan then they're out.

The director is still my friend and I still like him and a lot of his ideas but on this one he failed.

Perhaps it was rather the rest of us who failed for letting it happen since we so greatly outnumbered him.

I am not ready to think about this yet...

2006-07-24T21:08:00.000-05:00

But tonight it dawned on me as I was dancing with my 3 year old daughter that one day I am going to be dancing my last dance with her as my little girl. Then I will have to turn her over to the man that she will be marrying. I sure hope that doesn't happen for at least another 30 years.

Kids are too valuable for us parents to just sit and passively watch them grow up while we do our own thing. I am a busy guy and I have things that I want to do and accomplish...but God help me to never do those at the expense of my wife or kids.

Jesus and Godstuff

2006-07-23T00:56:00.000-05:00

A comment from my last post reminded me of some thoughts that I had after the fact that I didn't touch on concerning Orthodoxy. Namely that of who Jesus is and what the Trinity is, and what my views are on them. I am not a teacher so in plain words here goes.

I do not believe that our modern explanation of the Trinity really does it justice since it is such a complex subject...but I suppose for the sake of simplicity I would put myself in the Trinitarian camp. I believe that there is only 1 God and that he has various expressions that are both separate and unified with himself. I will not get into whether or not I believe that they are all equal in authority or not because I simply do not think that there is sufficient proof from Scripture to difinitively say so. There are people from both sides of the argument who I feel do a very good job in representing their views and I respect the thought behind each of them. For the sake of this post though I will just state the angle that I see things from.

The Bible speaks of the Father, Son, and Spirit. They all co-exist in some fashion and seemingly interact with each other in a mystical way, yet each separately according to their own function.

I see the Father as the Architect, The Son as the Builder, and the Spirit as the mode of transport by which they each transact. And yet I see the Son and the Spirit as things that come from the Father and are both subject to Him. This is probably just another way of stating what is currently accepted as the orthodox view of the Trinity, though I'm sure that there could be arguments over semantics.

Who is the Son, Jesus? Is he God, or just the Son of God? By my method of induction and deduction based on the Scriptures, I believe that in some way he is God. I did, however hear a very good argument from someone on the side of Jesus only being the Son of God and not co-equal with the Father. Even though I have sided on claiming him to be God, I believe that the majority texts in Scripture, when put in their context, rather than being used as proof texts, are ambiguous on the issue because I don't believe that topic was deemed necessary at the time for apologetic attention. [The issue was not put into "official" declaration by the church as an orthodox belief until the 300's A.D.] But I know that there is disagreement on that issue. That is why I do not quarrel over it with Jehova's Witnesses or Mormons. What I do quarrel with them over is their incessant need to redirect matters back over to other insignifigant issues such as what God's real name is, or whether Jesus was crucified on a cross or a Roman torture stick. Or the number of people who will actually be in the New Jerusalem and how many will be in the outer heavens. Those are the matters that bother me since they detract from the teachings of Christ as to what it means to be his disciple. But like them, I too believe that Jesus rose from the dead after his crucifixion.

I do not believe that salvation comes as a result of someone praying the "Sinner's Prayer" or "Accepting Jesus as their Lord and Saviour" or "Asking Jesus to forgive you of your sins." I believe that these are concepts that are foreign to the Bible and are modern day inventions by man to try and make the road to salvation easier than it is.

In the Old Testament, God started out requiring the shedding of blood from animals as annual atonement for sin. Then as time goes on he says that he no longer delights in the blood of bulls and goats because the hearts of those offering sacrifices to him were corrupt. He said rather that he delighted in a broken heart, a contrite spirit and repentance over sacrifices. So I see that over time the mode of satisfying God's requirement was ammended by himself until he would forever justify men by the blood of his son. But that substitutionary atonement was applied automatically when repentance came.

I believe that salvation is an act of God that cannot be attained, it must be obtained by faith. However, I also believe that the Scriptures seem to imply that faith alone is not sufficient to save. Faith, if genuine, will be followed by works that are a response to God's salvation. However, in light of Christ's teaching of continual adherence to following God [taking care of the sick, visiting those in prison, tending to orphans and widows, feeding the hungry and clothing the naked] that if one chooses to abandon those practices in pursuit of a self-centered lifestyle, then there is no guarantee of their salvation...but that is not up to man's external ability to judge. That decision rests only in God's hands.

I also do not believe that salvation is dependant on one believing specific things about Christ. Jesus did not rebuke the blind man who said, "I don't know if he is a sinner or a prophet. All I know is that I was blind and now I see." I also do not believe that he rebuked Thomas for either good or bad when Thomas responded to his wounds by saying "My Lord and My God" because I believe that he [Thomas] was speaking to the Father when he said that. And since Jesus' mission was to represent the Father and bring the hearts of his people back to him, then he was pleased by Thomas' response. Jesus had varied responses for various people depending on their circumstances so it is not a fair biblical assumption that he expected a specific belief from whoever approched him.

So while I personally am persuaded that he is God, I do not believe that it is a necessary requirement for salvation.

Return To Orthodoxy

2006-07-22T16:42:00.000-05:00

I've been asked to return to Christian Orthodoxy. What does that mean?

or·tho·dox Pronunciation Key (ôrth-dks)
adj.

Adhering to the accepted or traditional and established faith, especially in religion.
Adhering to the Christian faith as expressed in the early Christian ecumenical creeds.
Orthodox
1. Of or relating to any of the churches or rites of the Eastern Orthodox Church.
2. Of or relating to Orthodox Judaism.
Adhering to what is commonly accepted, customary, or traditional: an orthodox view of world affairs.

Maybe I am not orthodox. Maybe I am more orthodox than I think. I know that I'm not as orthodox as others would often like me to be. But who decides?

Here are some of the things that I believe in a very brief form.

I believe that there was some kind of "inspiration" behind the Bible, but I do not believe that God dictated every word or even told the authors of the writings what to say at the time that they were written. Or in more technical terms, I do not believe in Plenary Inspiration.

I also do not believe that the Bible in the form that we have it today is infallible. But hey, I don't believe that when the authors wrote their original letters that they had any idea that their letters would one day become part of a canon. They may have been infallible according to the circumstances of their 1st Century audience for the time, but when combined together to create the whole work, there is a bit of confusion in places.

If taken at face value, the Bible also contains facts and statements that when matched against what we now know makes certain parts of the Bible erroneous. But I figure that when the authors penned out what they did, they did not intend for that to happen. They were just communicating in the best ways that their audiences would probably understand.

The use of Poetic Narrative in the Old Testament was one of the most common ways of conveying "truths" without them being "facts." This method was later adopted by the Greco-Roman cultures and became what we now know as fables.

I don't believe that Genesis is a literal account of creation and the fall of man. Rather, I believe that it is a poetic narrative that attempts to explain the beginings of "things" but it's main focus is on the formation of the nation of Israel.

I don't believe that the Noah's flood was world-wide. I believe that it covered the "whole world" in the same way that Caesar Augustus decreed that "all the world" should be taxed near the time of Christ's birth. Caesar only had authority over his jurisdiction and not the entire world.

I do not believe that Job was a real person. I believe that it is the first of all accepted Old Testament books to be written and is another poetic narrative that was written to try and explain the purpose for human suffering in this life.

I do not believe that Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale before visiting Ninevah, but rather it was another poetic narrative, a fable, of spiritually what can happen to a man who disobeys the "call of God."

I believe that the Gospels were only intended to be used as "snapshots" of the life of Christ and were not intended to be used for determining doctrine. I believe that this is apparent in the way that Jesus is recorded as dealing only with the time and culture that he was living in. It is also apparent in the way that each author for each accepted Gospel wrote each book with a different purpose in mind for their audience.

I believe that the Epistles of the Apostles should be weighed against one another in matters of determining faith and practice as Paul had the majority portion of his books become accepted, yet there were many disputes between Him and the other Apostles who actually lived and walked with Christ concerning doctrine. There are also other letters that were written that were either lost or not accepted by the general councils who determined what is now considered to be the orthodox Canon of the Church.

I do not believe that these men who compiled the Canon were necessarily under divine influence, but rather used the best of their reason to assemble what they thought were the most consistent documents regarding the current accpted Chruch teaching.

I take the book of Revelation with a big grain of salt. Revelation was the most highly debated book to be accepted into the Christian Canon of Scripture and had many other writings more popular than itself that were not accepted by the councils.

I do believe that there is a heaven of some type, but since I do not believe that the Scriptures teach that Heaven is the ultimate reward for Christians, there is much lacking as far as sure fire biblical descriptions of what kind of place it will be, other than just metaphor.

I do believe in Hell, but not a literal, physical or eternal one. Through the study of Jewish history and literature I found that it made most sense in light of the recorded parables of Jesus to see hell and the eschatology of man outside of God to be annihilation. I believe that this also fits with historical Jewish teaching that had been greatly hijacked by Greek thought which caused it's evolution into what we now perceive as a place where people without Christ burn forever and ever.

I believe mostly though that the purpose of life for those who have followed after Christ is that of charity. Jesus spoke more about the importance of how one lives their life than what one believes. Though I do believe that one's beliefs will impact how they live, he spoke more of a faith which expresses itself in loving action than he did that of a cultish system of belief. In fact he criticized the systems of the Pharisees and said that they were in greater danger of destruction than he did of the common Gentile.

That is what I believe in short hand, and I know that there are many out there among Christianity who have many more disagreements with each other across denominational lines than in other religions. But thus far God has not seemingly stepped in via means that are clear to put the differences to rest and settle the issues. So to my beliefs I must adhere and live out, just as anyone else must strive for consistency between what they say they believe and how they live.

So am I Orthodox? Probably not according to the majority pole of mainline Christianity today, but it has and probably always will war within as to who is right and who is wrong within the walls of the Church.

Q & A

2006-07-22T16:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry to do this Jimmy, but out of fear and respect to Paul I have deleted this post and the original that started it.

If you would like to correspond with me about similar issues, that are not in direct correlation to Paul Manata you may do so by emailing me @ cwhitehead@iowatelecom.net

A Year Ago Today

2006-06-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

A year ago today I was in my car at this time driving to a lake north of my place to go fishing for the afternoon. Being the adventurous idiot that I was I decided that I was going to get one helluva tan, so I didn't take any sunscreen and decided I was going to keep my shirt off all day. It was a very nice day. I think that the temperature was around 80-85. The sky was clear and the sun was shining nicely.

I was out in the sun for about 4 1/2 hours floating around in my inflatable raft. I did catch about 13 fish that day, but I also got the worst sunburn of my life..only I didn't know that it was the worst until tomorrow, last year.

When I returned home my wife informed me that I looked like a lobster and she then scolded me for being so burned. She said that I was going to hurt and she was right, only she didn't know just how right she was.

I did wake up in the night several times with the cold shiver which is customary for bad burns like what I had. But the worst wasn't discovered until I went to get out of bed to go to the bathroom at about 7am. I put my feet down on the floor and tried to stand up only to find my legs in excrutiating pain. I couldn't walk. They hurt worse than ever and the muscles tightened up to the point where I couldn't stand.

To make a long story short, I couldn't enjoy our anual festival that we have in our little town every year. I finally was able to stretch the muscles out enough to walk, but it was really stupid looking and I had to use a cane. I couldn't sit down anywhere because I had to keep moving to keep the muscles from cramping up.

Thankfully some of our friends were up to see us and they were both med students. Well, Troy was med and Wendy was a nurse. They got me to start taking 800mg of Ibeuprofin every 4 hours. And then after the festival was over, I literally spent the next full week lying in the couch with ice bags on my legs. My wife was patient though and I haven't been as stupid since.

So this year I will be at the festival and I only have a slight tan on my arms but that was from one day outside mowing.

The worst lessons have to be learned the hard way.

2006-06-09T23:49:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like what this picture shows? I do. That's why I picked it for this entry.

This time it's only about 2 or 3 weeks since I have blogged. Life has been so busy. I just feel worn out. I feel like I need about a 2 week nap.

It always seems like the summer months have the most going on. Between work, the kids, my wife, house chores, yard chores, family events and the rest there is just hardly any time to stop and breathe.

Work has been really frustrating. I won't get into all the details as to what I do now, but I'll just say that even though I am often at work for more than 8 hours a day, I just don't feel like I get anything done. Projects come and stay, deadlines come and go and there is just way too much on my whole department's plate. We all feel the constant pressure and there is seemingly no relief in sight.

My daughter will be 3 in a few weeks. She has grown up so much. We are having a lot of fun with her, but she is definitely in the tumultuous threes.

Spiritually things have been rough. I am going through another one of those times where the image of God is just blurry. Maybe it is because I listen to too much religious broadcasting. It is just so confusing to me how so many people can claim to possess the truth, and yet each of their versions are all so different. It just makes me feel like any time I come close to arriving at a certain conclusion about a matter that the harsh reality of my opinion being just on more in the barrell just makes it all seem futile. Lately I've listened to debates between Calvinists and Arminians, Open and Closed Theists, Classical and Process Theologians, and the list goes on and on. They all seem to be talking about different gods that just don't match up in any way. I just wonder why, if there is an absolute truth out there, why so many people differ on what exactly it is.

I really don't want to make this entry so short, but I have to for a few reasons-

It is now past midnight. I am surprised that I am still up. It is late and I am exhausted.
My back hurts and this setup that I have with where my chair is in relationship to my monitor is really uncomfortable. I am trying to sit up straight while I type as to somehow help improve my posture but it just isn't working.
My brain is fried. I am thinking about the weekend already and how we have 2 family reunions thiis weekend. They are both in Des Moines so that means that we will be spending Saturday night with my folks and I don't really like to do that but it beats driving back home just to go back the next day.

Anyways, I hope to find more time this weekend to write more. Especially since I've finally gotten my hands on a copy of The Da Vinci Code. I have read the book and now it is time to see the movie. I would also like to watch Wolf Creek and Silent Hill, but I doubt I'll get the time.

Adios for now.

Hello....Is there anybody out there?

2006-05-29T03:08:00.000-05:00

First of all, I just wanted to say that it is hotter than I should be for this time in May. I am sitting here in my "office" just sweating my skin gross and it feels so nasty. At times like this I really wish that we had central air.

I just finished watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose. I must say that it was a very interesting movie. I have always been intrigued by things in the spiritual realm. I remember being big into studying demonology during High School. It was almost to the point where I was looking for demons around every corner. Part of it probably had to do with my conversion experience. I won't get into that here, but I will just say that the subject of angels and demons played a very large role. Did I mention that it was hot? I'm sitting here having to towel myself off every few minutes.

I personally don't know quite what to make of the subject any more. I have always been taught that there really is no middle ground; most forces in the world are either angelic or demonic. I would still like to believe that but there are a few things that I usually end up thinking about. What can I say? I am a reluctant disciple.

I am not really willing to go to arguument about it, but when it comes to the biblical portrayal of demonic posession I just don't know quite what to think. I find it most interesting to note that there is virtually no mention of such a thing in the majority Hebrew literature. I know that the Talmud speaks of demons, but it is in a rather bizarre light. It offers very stange rituals that can be done in order to detect a demonic presence, but by today's standards they seem a bit much like the practices of witch doctors. I really do feel bad about seeming to take the attitude that we are more enlightened now than they were then, but I just can't help it in this case.

The issue is coming closer to home lately...literally. In some ways our house is "haunted." Well, at least it has certain things that happen from time to time that lend to us thinking so-

Every once in a while we hear the footsteps of what sounds like a smaller child about our daughter's age running up and down the hall upstairs. We go up to check and sure enough, our daughter truly is out cold.
Occasionally our daughter says that she doesn't want to go in a room because "there's a guy in there." We have learned to be able to discern some of her stories from when she is actually telling the truth. Whenever she tells us about him she is serious.
She has an acquaintance that she calls Mokajeez. Usually her descriptions of him are pretty consistent. The only discrepency is that sometimes she says that he is a kid and sometimes he is a man. But the constant attributes is that he wears a baseball cap backwards (colours are red, white, yellow and green), he wears sunglasses, and has a beard. His apprearance is usually that he is sad or mad. However, he does not talk to her.
My wife occasionally feels some kind of "presence" watching her if she vaccuums in the guest bedroom upstairs and she will sometimes see what seem like light beems coming out of nowhere in our bedroom if it is dark.
One day as I was coming downstairs to the main level I heard what sounded like my daughter in plunking at the piano only to find out that she was in another room and none of the cats were anywhere to be found.

How do we explain these things? Many would say that they were demons or demonic manifestations but I just don't know.

Concerning the footsteps, I read something on a paranormal website about something called a "time slip." This is supposedly something that compliments the idea addressed in quantum physics concerning parallel universes. Perhaps there is a parallel universe either from the past or the future where another small child lives in the house and has my daughter's room, and what we are hearing is that reality "slipping" through the time gap from then into now. It could be a very far stretch but who knows.

I don't want it to sound like I'm buying into all this and trying to throw out the Bible. It is just that there is much in the Bible that could just be a correlation to the understanding of the day in which it was written. Could another name for various types of psychosis could have been labeled demonic posession? It could have been. Is that what the Gospels are talking about? I have heard equal numbers of accounts from people who believe in angels/demons and those who believe that they could be the ghosts of people in the past. Both sides have some good arguments. Do people go directly to Heaven or Hell immediately after they die? I know that the Bible tends to teach so, but the only real implied teaching of that is from what Jesus is credited telling the criminal next to him on the cross, and Paul's "vision" that he had after being stoned and left for dead. Paul even said of that event that he didn't know if it was real or a dream.

I would continue this, but now it is 03:40 and I am burned out. I'm glad that I'm not working tomorrow.

What are your thoughts? Demons? Spooks? Have any stories of the bizarre? Let's talk about them.

I'm back in for a moment...

2006-05-29T00:39:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone. Thanks for checking back to see if I've updated my blog even though most likely I have not when you stop.

Things have been very busy in The Disciple's life lately so I don't really get the chance to check in here all that much anymore. Just like many other "projects" in my life, many have starts but not too many have completion.

I am getting read to watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose and will comment on it and other items after it is over.

It has been almost a month

2006-05-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

I am finally just checking back in to jot down some updates and I see the date of my last entry here- IT'S BEEN ALMOST A MONTH! Man have I been busy.

Things at work have been harrier than your uncle's back, and things at home have been just as crazy.

At work, we have been morphing to a new set of roles and responsibilities. The only thing that they forgot in the change was how to get rid of all the old ones. Needless to say, I was putting in a lot of overtime trying to get my stuff together to get it off my plate. Things are going a little better now, not nearly as stressful, but there is still so much to do and so little time. I'm not really sure though that I can take this job too seriously. It pays the bills and stuff like that, but it isn't as fun as my side job.

Yes, if you remember back to the archives, you'll think back to when I mentioned trying to start my own little "side" business doing computer stuff in the area that I live. We ran an ad in the paper and I have built a website for it, and now I have been busy with new customers for about 2 whole weeks. That means that some nights I get home from work just long enough to say hello to the wife and kids and then head right back out the door again. I have to watch it though because I don't want it to consume all my time. I actually even told one guy that I couldn't do anything for him one night because I needed some family time. Thankfully he agreed.

After work tonight I have a job installing a new 26" LCD TV/Monitor for a guy who lives up north of us. He's a widower and computers has become his hobby. He sounds like a fun guy.

Things have been busy enough though, and so far my customers have been referring me to their friends as well so I imagine that things will pick up even more into the summer. I've even started to think about the possibilities of this becoming a full time gig. I'm not quite ready for that yet but if and when the time comes, I will welcome it with open arms.

Anywho, I should get back to work. I will be back online tonight though. The wife and kids will be up at the in-law's so when I get home I've got the house to myself. I always tell my wife that when she's gone I party like a bachelor-

That means I leave the toilet seat up.

Back around this way for a minute

2006-04-24T16:36:00.000-05:00

Hey. I'm back but only for a few minutes.

So things haven't slowed down at work at all. I think that really they've picked up. I have new roles and reponsibilities, but I haven't yet gotten rid of the old ones. So says my boss that I need to pass them off to someone else. I sure would if I had the time...

I won't bore you with all of the details of what have been going on at work. What I will say though is that I am afriad that sometime I may end up reminding my new boss that he needs to try and remember what it was like being a little pee-on like me. He's been my supervisor now for about 3 or 4 weeks and I don't mean any disrespect to him, but it's almost like we've lost him into the management matrix. And it is for that reason that I occasionally am overtaken by fear. Why? Because I don't like to play in the political BS. I don't like to always give the answers that everyone else likes to hear. I am my own person and I am not afraid of that. What I am afraid of though is becoming a corporate zombie. Well, I guess I'm not afraid of that either because if push came to shove I really would quit and go to work for Subway. So while I have that aspect of business sucking, the other end of things is looking a little better.

On the side, I have had a rather failed attempt at a small town gig. About a year ago our computer guy in town supposedly made a bunch of money selling a script of his to some movie producer so he left town. Unfortunate for him, people weren't all that sad to see him go. However, he was the computer guy. He had a shop up on Main Street. I don't know how much he charged, but in talking to people lately they weren't really all that pleased.

So to fill the void I decided that I'd go public. I made some flyers and a website and launched Custom Computer Works. My goal is to promote local business. I do that by trying to provide a needed service to the small town without charging the big city price. I call that "how to get repeat customers"...and it's working. For about 2 years I have had a deal worked out with my neighbor across the street where I work on his computers and he mows my lawn. It's a pretty good gig.

After I went public back in the late summer of '05 I only got 2 calls. One was a call from the real estate appraiser in town. She was moving offices and needed someone to come and move all of her network equipment over to her new office and then get it hooked back up. It only took me an hour so I charged her $40; 1/2 of what the phone company would have charged.

My 2nd customer was a lady who was having a problem I couldn't fix. Her phone service had not yet been hooked up so there was nothing I could do. I ended up giving her the visit on the house since I didn't really fix anything for her.

Well, as of late we decided to run a 3 week ad in the local paper getting the word out about my services. Up till then, I only had some flyers hanging at the library because it was free. Running the ad paid off. My first call was from an elderly woman who has had almost every ailment that you could think of, and who had even been declaired clinically dead once, who is still alive. She's funny though. I got a kick out of working with her. She had me over to fix her email. She apparently had McLeod service before and was being switched over to PeoplePC. I felt bad about charging an old lady so I let her just pay me $10 even though I spent 2 hours with her over 2 nights.

Tonight I head out of town just a little ways to visit some folks who are having some printer and antivirus problems. I am a little encouraged though because the lady that I talked to about this said that her and several other people were unhappy with the service that they got from their previous tech dudes and so they had been looking pretty hard for a good replacement. She promised me that if things went well that I would not only have repeat calls, but also a good number of references. I hope she was right. It would be great to be able to get a good customer base under my belt.

So right now I am typing this while I wait for her printer software to finish downloading.

I hope to be back sooner next time.

Hoppy Easter

2006-04-16T08:36:00.000-05:00

I told you I'd be back, but I didn't mean for it to take this long. Things at work have been very busy and it seems as though the powers that be don't really believe in one being able to take a break at their desk. That is where I used to hammer out so many of these, but it appears now that if I wish to find any solace during my workday I have to do it outside. That is fine with me though because then it gives me a reason to get out of our building.

Our group is taking on new roles. Essentially everything is changing for us while we still haven't figured out how to give our old work to someone else. So what does that mean for me? I've had to hire a few more contract hamsters to run around in my head to keep me going.

I did feel like I got somewhat of a break in the week though when my wife and I took the kids to some friends' house Thursday night. It was a good time, but I probably would have had more fun if I hadn't still been trying to wrap my head around some of my wife and my "spousal compatibility" issues, which I won't go into detail here. It was good though. She got to have some girl time and I got to have some guy time.

Yesterday we went to the neighbor's across the street for their Easter family deal. I kind of felt pretty honoured that they would invite us to a family function. The food was good, my kind of Easter meal- BBQ pork and beef sandwiches. What can I say? I'm a sucker for the Q.

Most of their family came down from Northwest Iowa. They had a big "egg hunt" for all of us, which I wasn't expecting. If I would have known, then I would have made sure that we would have brought things for everyone else too, but I guess they didn't want us to feel pressured.

So I'm sitting here now and typing this out while the rest of the house is sleeping. Starting yesterday I have been getting up early and going for about a mile long brisk walk. My legs are still getting used to it but I think that it will really help. Not only that, but it is also just nice to be up in the morning, go walking, come home and shower and be pretty close to ready for the day by 7:30am. I am hoping that this way I can be up and get my excercising done before work so that I don't have to worry about losing kid and wife time at night.

We are supposed to go down to my parent's today for Easter dinner today. I think that we are also throwing in a birthday party for my grandma too. She has Alzheimer's. Some days are better than others and I hope that this is one of them. My grandpa is one trooper for going through this with her. He could have just thrown in the towl and put her in a nursing home, but he is more dedicated to her than that and I applaud for it. He's a tough man in general though. Tough but sensitive and loving.

The only possible snag about today though is that last night my son was running a fever...again. That poor kid has been sicker more frequently than my daughter ever was. So if he's still not feeling well later than it will just be my daughter and I packing up and heading off to town.

Needless to say [or perhaps not] we didn't go to church today. I don't feel bad about it either. Typically I find myself completely disconnected from spiritual things at church when it comes to holidays. Maybe it is because of the commercialism of it all. Especially Easter when it seems like things are decorated extra special, everyone seems overly happy as though they all did crack out in the parking lot, and congregational singing turns into a sing along concert with some of the cheesiest performers. I won't get into all of the Pagan influences that helped mold and shape what we call Easter because I have gotten over all of that. I guess it is just a personal thing for me. Really, I do think that it is something that only I hold unto myself. I think that I am pretty sure of this because as I walked past the larger Lutheran church this morning (would you believe that in a town of only 1500-2000 people that we actually have 2 Lutheran, 1 United Methodist, 1 Presbyterian, and 1 Catholic houses of worship?) I saw all the cars in the parking lot and actually thought to myself "I hope those people in there find what they are looking for." Yes, even in a Lutheran church I'm sure that one can find something.

So, I also have to find some time to write up a paper. It appears as though someone over at the Bob Enyart Live Forum wants me to write up an argument about why I feel that Open Theism is based on speculation rather than solid knowledge. I know that I will really enjoy doing this one but I just don't know when I'm going to find the time.

For now, I guess I need to go out and clean my car so that I can be ready to take my daughter with me. My wife's alarm was set for 7:30 this morning and now it is 9:30 and she is still in bed sleeping. I kind of take that as a sign that she won't be going today.

I'll be back sometime.

I'm still here

2006-04-12T23:16:00.000-05:00

I haven't disappeared.

Things have really picked up at work, which is were I usually post, so I haven't had much time to put anything else on here. And things at home have been busy lately too.

I hope to do some write-ups this weekend. I just wanted to let everyone know that I was still alive.

Are you Open or Closed?

2006-04-07T02:25:00.000-05:00

I made reference a couple of posts back to a quack named Bob Enyart. He is a committed Open View Theist. He openly espouses the belief pretty regularly on his radio show.

On Wednesday, a caller called in and challenged his belief on Open Theism, but sadly the caller didn't seem to be as studied up on the subject as he should have been. Unfortumately he seemed like he was calling in just to say "I don't really know a better way to explain things, so I'll just leave it for now by saying that your view is dumb." I really don't see the reason for such intellectually lacking arguments. To me it's like trying to find your way out of a black hole.

Anyways, you can follow one of the links above to read about what Open Theism is. I will have to say that honestly right now I feel that in light of certain positions given by the Classical View that I have problems with Openness. But I will also say that the reverse is true; In light of some things that the Open view points out, I have some problems with the Classical view.

This is the meat of either side-

Classical View: God is unchanging. He is sovereign, immuatble, omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. He is in control of all things, and though he permits limited free will actions of his creatures, he ultimately has ended the story and is just waiting to see its fruition.

The Open View- God is open for change. He has changed his mind in the past. He has limited knowledge of the future and therefore works with the free will of men in a cooperation of bringing about his will [hopefully] through the obedience of his people. The future is therefore open for both God and his people, and therefore his people can bring about change on God's behalf; including the possibility of ushering in His Kingdom on earth and cutting short the "end times" by various means.

The Open View bears some resemblance to something that an anscestor of mine [Alfred North Whitehead] called Process Theology. I'm not going to get into all of what that is here. You can read about it for youself at the previous link.

Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of the readers of this blog even care; and to some extent I really don't blame you.

So here's the question- Are you Open or Closed?

Or are you like me who is wandering around looking for any damn door that I can even find the knob? I don't even know what room I'm supposed to be in. Didn't I order a cheeseburger?

Oh well, think about it and then comment if you want.

It's 2am

2006-04-07T02:11:00.000-05:00

I took today off of work because I thought that my wife wanted to go help her sister get settled into her new house. Our daughter has been sick the past couple of days and I have had this nasty cold. I figured that I could stay home with the girl while my wife went and did some house warming. But I later came to find out that she had decided not to go. So here's what my day looked like-

I got up at about 8am and got things going with my daughter, kind of. We then sat around and cuddled until about 10:30am when my wife and son started napping. So the girl and I came upstairs to her bedroom and played frisbee for a little bit and then went to my bedroom to lay in bed and "rest" while watching PBS Kids. I think that the shows that were on were the Bernstein Bears and Thomas the Train Engine. What really happened is that she watched those shows while I went in and out of naps.

We then got up around noon when she was complaining of having a headache. I fixed us lunch while we watched some more kids oriented shows...and then finally around 2:30pm I put her down for her afternoon nap. She seemed like she was really ready for it.

I then decided to lay down in my room where my son was sleeping @ about 3pm. I figured that I would just nap for an hour until he woke up and then I'd get up and maybe watch a movie. I think I do remember hearing him cry a little bit at some point, but the next thing I knew I was awake and looking at the clock and it was already 7pm. So I got up, but I was thrown off since it was still light enough out to make it feel like it was only 5. I guess it was a pretty good nap. Well, it must have been a good one because I tried going to bed tonight @ 12:30 and had a really hard time. I think I finally fell asleep around 1 but then woke back up around 1:30. So now I am still up and wide awake. It really sucks though because I have my alarm set to go off @ 6 so I can get up and go to work.

I guess if things don't get sleepier by 3 then I might just get ready for work and go in to get there by 4 and then just work untill noon or 1. My wife might not like that idea, but by the time she reads this [and if I actually do it] then it will all be history.

Overall, my cold is only slightly better. Earlier by left ear finally did unplug. The moment that I felt it do so was heavenly. But I think that it is kind of plugged again though.

I hate being sick. Maybe God is punishing me for something. Who knows. I wish that I actually believed in something like that, but...sometimes I still wonder.

Out the nose

2006-04-04T21:36:00.000-05:00

It seems like everything is indeed going right out the nose.

Today I did leave work as soon as I was done working on my thing. I'll just call it a thing because to most people reading this it is probably too boring to describe.

I came home but I did not watch a movie, take a walk, take a nap, or drink any scotch. Instead, I decided that since I finally had some time and determination that I would rotate my car tires which was way overdue. I figured that it was probably time to do so because a.) I couldn't remember the last time I had it done, b.) knew that mileage-wise it was probably time, and c.) my car had been doing this strange wobbling as I drove it...and it seemed to keep getting worse.

So I get the rear driver side wheel off and I know that it is in decent shape because I bought it not too long ago. I had driven over a piece of scrap metal on the way to work one morning and up an unfixable hole in the old one. The tread on this one was excellent. But then I took off the front driver side wheel and not only was it bald in most places, it looked like parts of it had also been scalped! How the hell could I let it get so bad? No wonder the thing felt like it was going to fall apart at any given moment driving down the highway.

So I called the dear old Wally World nearest me [because I know that their tires are always the cheapest and I don't want to spend much for this worthless car] and they said that to get their lowest end 45k mile tire would be about $47. The reality of it is that I really need to get 3 tires, but I can wait just a little bit longer on the other 2. They still have some usable tread on them, but I know that I can't let them go longer than 2 months.

So I called the Mrs. to see what our budget looked like only to find out that we were already in the hole on paper due to our need to give Uncle Iowa what he thinks he needs from our taxes [which are due to be mailed out by midnight next Friday night]. So I did some thinking. At first I wondered which convenient store I could get away with knocking off. Then I wondered what else I might have that I could try to sell on Ebay. Then I wondered how important it really was whether or not we ate for the next few weeks- but then it dawned on me...I HAVE STOCK OPTIONS THAT I CAN SELL FROM WORK!

So I jumped on that Information Superhighway by which you are now reading this and did some math and found out that I can make a little bit more than what we need by taking part in this stock option and selling it. Well, I have 350 shares as options, but only 200 of them are fully vested. I think I have another year or 2 before the other 150 is fair game. So I'm going to be on the phone with our Investments people first thing in the morning seeing how I might turn that option into a reality that goes into my pocket.

I'm glad though that I didn't drink the scotch. I must admit that even though I do occasionally like to have a drink, I'm not all that practiced up. I bought a 6-pack of beer about 3 months ago and I still have 2 bottles sitting in my fridge. Actually, to my safety, I have this built in thing that tells me when I am coming up on having too much to drink. I start to get a headache. So my bouncer doesn't even let me see a hangover. What do you call it if you get a hangover before you even get drunk? A hangback? A curb? I don't know; I'm just glad that it's there. I know that a lot of people have struggled with alcoholism. I don't want to be that kind of person. Actually, given the way I react to it, I don't think that it would really be possible...unless I was completely incapable of knowing what I was doing. I guess I seem to only use alcohol for medicinal purposes.

Well, I have been blowing my nose and coughing all day so my ribs are killing me and I really need to get to sleep. My wife just told me that she is going to bed...and if I join her then that means that this will be the first time in what seems like very long time that we have made it there before 10pm.

I know- We're getting old. I'm sick, so I don't really care.

Uuuugggghhh!

2006-04-04T12:57:00.000-05:00

So it's Tuesday and I have been working all morning on various things. Today is tough though because I helped my brother-in-law move his family Saturday and Sunday night. It wasn't the move itself, but the weather. Sunday night was chilly and rainy. Now I have a good cold going on.

Yesterday I took some over the counter "non-drowsy" cold pills and I ended up falling asleep at my desk a few times. Today I decided on no drugs, except Green Tea extract pills. My nose is running like a faucet but at least I don't feel as plugged up.

I do feel pretty bad though because I've been blowing my nose all morning without end and then having to touch keyboards and mice that other people will use. I hope that they don't get sick too.

It is a good thing that I showed up for work earlier than normal today because there was some setup that really needed done and if I would have just come at the regular time then things wouldn't have worked out. I am feeling though like when I am done with all this stuff that I am going to jump in my car and head home early. My wife and kids are at her sister's house helping them unpack and such from the move. I figure that with a quiet house I will probably either watch a movie and relax or take a nap. Either way, I figure that my system probably also needs a shot or two of Scotch [sorry Steve] to help me sweat this out. I might also go for a walk. Who knows. Maybe I'll just go to a casino instead of any of it. Probably not. I could easily get the same effect by turning on one of my kids musical toys and stand there flushing money down the toilet.

Anyways, I guess that's all for now. I'll be back.

Everybody's Working For The Weekend

2006-04-02T15:01:00.000-05:00

What a weekend.

Friday we went to my wife's grandmother's viewing. She passed away on Tuesday evening every peacefully in the hospital. She was ready to go, but I don't think that any of us were quite ready to let her. She was a wonderful woman. She always had time for everyone who ever stopped by her place. And she always had some kind of food to feed them too.

So we got to the funeral home and without surprise it was packed; mostly with family. There were friends also who stopped by but the majority was family. Boy oh boy did I marry into a huge family...but I love it. Kids running everywhere, adults standing around talking. No one is a stranger. I still don't know all the names, but I am getting there.

Saturday was the funeral. We were late. It was the first time that I have ever been late to a funeral, much less a family member's funeral...but we had to go to the nearby municipal airport to pick up some extended family who was flying into the area from St. Louis. The main guy is a lawyer who flies as a hobby so they came in on a little 6 seater twin engine. They were all great and I wish that we would have had more time with them. But we still got to the funeral about 20 minutes late.

It was a Lutheran funeral; held @ Trinity Lutheran Church. I rather enjoyed it, if one can really "enjoy" a funeral. There is something about the solace of liturgy and the type of "form" that they use in worship that seems very mystically attractive to me, but I'm sure that I would get bored with it after a while. But once in a while it just feels good to my soul to be involved in responsive reading and congregational rote. I hope that I can expose my kids to some of the beauty of this as they get older.

Grandma's request was that after the service that everyone eat before going out to the cemetary for internment because of the "long drive" that we'd have. It was really only about a 10-15 minute drive, but she was just always more interested in making sure that everyone's needs were being met. So we had a banquet that lasted almost 3 hours. Lutherans know how to put on a meal. Thankfully they were all German Lutherans, otherwise the food would have only been about 2 or 3 colours.

We then made our way out to the cemetary to say the last goodbyes and the final prayers. When it was all over the family "dispersed" but still stuck around for about an hour. My wife and I wandered around the small burial lot for a little while as the kids slept in the van. We found the grave of our 2 would-be nephews who died before they were born in a car accident. Keaton and Ian. I wish that I could have met them but sometimes life deals us hands that we can't do much with.

As we were leaving I saw that the service men were there to begin the process of lowering the casket into the vault and putting the vault into the ground. I asked my wife if it would be alright if we watched. I know that it might seem kind of morbid but I had never seen the process before. So we asked the guys if we could watch. They agreed. One of the guys had gone to school with my wife's older sister.

We stood and watched as they put the casket into the vault, then sealed it, then lowered the vault down into the ground where it would later be covered with dirt. It was all very interesting to stand there thinking that we go to all this work for a shell that was once a person who now resides elsewhere. I know that the respect is due but it is just one of those interesting things about how we care for our loved ones after they go.

I hope that I live a very long life by God's grace; but I hope that when it is over I can go as peacefully and fully ready as Grandma Caroline. She knew that she would go very soon and she welcomed the transition with open arms and without fear. Her only request is that her children be singing songs and hymns to her while she was ushered from this life to the next. Her birthday was on Thursday. She would have been 97 years old. They celebrated early. One of the songs that they sang to her as she prepared to go on Tuesday was Happy Birthday. What a birthday she must have had. I'm sure that Jesus threw a pretty big party for her once she arrived.

We will sure miss her.

So after we left the cemetary we had to head back to my wife's folks to pack up our stuff and head back home. Her sister's family is getting ready to close on a new house tomorrow and they still had to move a lot of stuff out in order to get it into storage. I had agreed to help them out last night. So from about 7:30-10:30 we made a couple of trips back and forth from the old house to the storage unit.

On my way there I was channel surfing over the satellite radio in the van. I decided to stop on Sirius Left to listen to some Liberal discussion. The program that I heard was hosted by Stephanie Miller. I had never heard of her before but she was doing a lot of bashing against Bill O'Rielly. I thought that a lot of it was pretty funny since I really can't stomach Bill for too long. I have to admit that they did have him on tape saying some really stupid things. For a guy who takes himself as seriously as he does, he should really try and polish up is image. But I digress...as I was listening to the show and some of the criticisms that they offered I came to this conclusion- I am not a Democrat not because of what they stand for, but rather because of what they don't stand for. It seems like really all they are is just "anti" whatever is going on in the Republican party. I personally think that American politics is really boring, but it just seems like they just want to bitch about whatever is going on, but don't really care to offer any insightful resolve.

In my estimation the Democrats want to control the way people live and the Republicans want to control the way people think. I think that is why I am a Libertarian. I believe in freedom. I think that it is probably most productive to take away some of the Federal authority and give it back to the States to govern themselves and their own affairs. Then if you live in a state that decides to go one way or another you can either adapt...or move your ass to somewhere that you will better fit in. I am not necessarily for the legalization of a lot of things that are currently illegal, but if a state wants to legalize things and kill themselves then they should be able to do that by their own decision. That's just the way I see it, but sadly I know that our party really doesn't stand much of a chance because we are such a minority...but I'll continue to vote for them.

Then I also listened in for a little while to the Catholic [EWTN] station for a while. I don't understand a lot of what the Catholic church does a lot of the time but there are certain things about them that I have come to respect. I won't get into all of those things here and now, but I no longer join some of my evangelical counterparts who seem anti-Catholic. I'm glad to be over that.

So today we have just been taking it easy. We slept in just a little bit. OK, it only seemed like sleeping in since we had to change the clocks last night and spring them ahead. Both kids were tired and fussy from a long and busy weekend, and tonight I have to go back to help move again. That's OK though because I need the excercise.

Where Am I?

2006-03-30T14:05:00.000-06:00

OK, this is day 2 of cutting back my Lexapro and taking St. John's Wort and Valerian Root. I will have to say that I actually feel more "up" than I have felt in quite a while. I don't feel as tired and I actually have a fairly positive mood.

I have been reading online today also about the effects of Valerian Root and HOLY COW, I didn't know that it was so versitile and inclusive in what it treats.

I have also been reading a lot of message boards where people with mild to moderate depression decided to go off of their prescriptions and switch over to this herbal alternative and feel so much better in their moods/attitudes and without the side effects of the SSRI's that their doctors gave them.

I don't know that I'm quite as happy as this monkey seems to be, but I sure do feel better. Not to mention that the herbal route seems to be a helluva lot cheaper.

The Bible In Public Schools

2006-03-30T11:39:00.000-06:00

I saw this morning on the NBC Morning Show a story about how the state of Georgia is taking legislative action to try and include the Bible as a textbook in the public schools. Apparently in the Georgia public High Schools there is an elective course in Comparative Religion. I think that the report said that there are around 40, 000 students in the school system and typically only about 800 students even elect to take the class.

The Christian Coalition is pushing for the Bible to be included as a textbook in this class and I will have to say that in this particular case that I would have to side with them. Their argument is that if one were going to be studying the Constitution then it would be more informative to actually read the document itself rather than a book written about it. They argue that the same case is true with the Bible; better to read the actual thing than another book about it.

Some students have no problem with this seeing that there can be important historical/socialogical/religious information that can be gleamed about Christianity from the Bible and welcome it into the class.

My opinion is that if they are going to offer a class like this then by all means, bring it in. But if it were math, science, history, literature...keep it on the shelf.

Apparently Kansas and one other state are also pushing their legislatures to do the same.

An Issue In The News

2006-03-29T16:32:00.000-06:00

Was 911 an inside job?
wAs 911 an inside job?
waS 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 an inside job?
was 911 An inside job?
was 911 aN inside job?
was 911 an Inside job?
was 911 an iNside job?
was 911 an inSide job?
was 911 an insIde job?
was 911 an insiDe job?
was 911 an insidE job?
was 911 an inside Job?
was 911 an inside jOb?
was 911 an inside joB?
was 911 an inside job?

It is all for you to decide- go here to read more.

{Note: I don't know how recent this is. I just ran across it on the web today}

What a day

2006-03-28T21:41:00.000-06:00

I actually did some real work today. I got an assignment from my boss; a "project" so now I have something to keep me more consistently busy. I guess that is nice because it keeps me occupied and out of trouble.

I took off from work @ noon today to have lunch with a friend of mine. Good times, good conversation. We talked about addictions. We had both been listening to Glenn Beck on the way to lunch in our cars. He had people call in and confess their secrets. One lady called in and said that she had just gotten over a heroine addiction. Instead of injecting it like most people do she snorted it. She said that her habit was about $100 a day. Another guy called in and said that he was addicted to porn and would spend $800-1000 a week on it. I have no idea where he would get the money to do that kind of thing but nevertheless, it is an awful addiction.

Then we discussed some theology which is always interesting. We ended up talking about prophecy and eschatology, which I will someday soon blog about here and reveal some of my views about the subject.

I then made the drive home since I knew that I would have an hour to be able to spend with my wife before I had to go to my doctor's appointment. We were just watching some TV and then I dozed off. I felt kind of bad but I was pretty tired.

So she woke me up @ 4 so I could head off to my 4:20 appointment. I got there and talked to the doctor and he said that he wanted me to stay on the Lexapro and also seek some counseling. I have been down the road of counseling many times before and I'm not trying to be arrogant but I just don't think I need counseling. I know what the contributing stresses in my life are, but I don't know that I can do anything about them. Not to mention I don't even know how much the counseling sessions would be or how much they would cost. So he wrote me a prescription and sent me on my way. Only a follow up visit at a later time "as needed."

So I headed down the street to the carnival known as Wal-Mart to get my prescription filled. They said that it would take about 15 minutes so I decided to head back to the electronics department and see what all they had going on back there. I had to admit that I coveted many of the items that I saw; especially this really nice 32" widescreen HDTV. The picture was so clear. I could spend hours watching movies on that thing. But it was somewhere around $900 and I just don't have the cash, or the desire to spend that much for a tube.

When I figured that enough time had passed I headed back up to the white coats to pick up my pills. The lady asked if I had a new insurance card so I gave it to her. She then disappeared over to where pharmasists go when they disappear and was gone for a little bit. Then she came back and told me that the cost after insurance for a month's worth of pills was $74. I about had to have them call for a clean up at the counter from me dropping a deuce in my pants. 74 bones is alot for this disciple to shell out for some small pills. So I discussed my "alternatives" with the lady who was very sympathetic to my perdicament. She said that if I really needed them then I should get them, otherwise they would hold them for me until I got the green.

I told her to just "hold" it for me. So I then walked away and delved into my self-contained think tank and figured that a much cheaper route would be to pick up some St. John's Wort [whoever thought of that name anyways] and some Valeria Root. I know that the Wort is supposed to "help promote a positive mood" and the Valeria is supposed to help keep you calm and help you sleep at night. So I figured that a consistent dose of those coupled with regular excercise would be just what this doctor ordered.

So, I don't know if it is the right thing to do, but I am weaning myself off the Lexapro and am going to try and take a more natural approach. If it doesn't work then I'll go to another doctor to get another opinion.

I know that I have an issue that I want help for; but I also know that the pharmaceutical industry is also out to make some hefty cash. What's a guy to do?

2006-03-27T14:33:00.000-06:00

Monday Monday

2006-03-27T13:52:00.000-06:00

Hey, it's been a couple of days. I'm back in the saddle for now though. Even though the picture on the left is not a picture of anywhere near where I am, it is raining both places. Kind of dreary. It's cold today and rainy, tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 50's and sunny. What gives? I guess that's Iowa though.

So this weekend was kind of interesting. We headed off for my wife's folks on Friday night. It is always good to see them but I just wasn't feeling like being around anyone. I just wanted to be by myself and I knew that I probably wouldn't get much of a chance to smoke. It's not like I can't live without having a cigarette, but it sure helps keeps my nerves in check.

Friday night we just hung out. Then Saturday we drove to the nearby hospital to see my wife's grandma who is in bad shape. She has been having trouble breathing, even with oxygen and has been hospitalized for about a week. She is 97 years old and just in case she took a turn for the worse my wife wanted to see her again. I wanted to do everything I could to oblige.

When we got to the hospital she was sleeping. We peeked in at her and she was breathing so heavily that it was almost scary. There was one time where her breathing had let up and I was afraid that it was her last, but then she started again. She hadn't slept well at all the night before and we wanted to let her get some rest since it had finally come. But she did end up waking up not too long after we arrived. We talked for a while and she got to see her great-grandkids.

Sunday morning at around 4am, she took a dive and had to be taken to the next bigger town with a bigger hospital. Then the latest word this morning was that she was doing even worse yet. Sooner or later her time will be up and she will be greatly missed. 97 years old. A German farm wife. Seven children and 50 great grandchildren. What a legacy. I think that she is ready to go though. She has recently been hesitant to certain treatments insisting that if it is her time then she doesn't want to fight it. I don't blame her. 97 years is a good, long, full life. I just hope and pray that when her time does come that it is quick and peaceful.

On top of all that we think that my son has the flu. He has had a high temp for the last two days and he has horked a few times as well. I feel so bad for the little guy because he's too little to talk and tell us what really hurts the most. He'll be at the doctor soon and hopefully they can give him something that will help him get over it. He's only 7 months old but he's getting to be so big.

Tomorrow afternoon I go to the doctor to follow up on how my medication is doing. I have been on it now for about 2 months and I think that my conclusion is this- It has been helping with keeping me from getting as down as I was, but it doesn't seem to help me come up any. I often feel foggy and distant. Thankfully my wife is understanding enough to bear with me; but I just hate the thought of having to switch to a different medication and start this whole process all over again.

Then to make things worse, I have just come to terms with an addiction of mine that I wasn't willing to admit to. Some people get addicted to alcohol, some drugs, some gambling; mine is religious radio. It has this sick effect on me. I can't stand to listen to it, but I can't keep myself away from it and even sometimes feel this strange type of withdrawl. Like this morning on the way to work I decided to listen to a CD [Coldplay] and as much as I like that CD I just felt like I was missing something. Too bad they don't have a drug to deal with that.

I'm Shocked!

2006-03-23T16:37:00.000-06:00

I don't know why but I have been listening to this guy on the radio lately [I know, I keep saying that I've banned myself from this activity] named Bob Enyart who just drives me nuts. He is a conservative Christian activist and pastor who is based out of Denver, CO. It is a show where he talks about current events and then people call in to discuss the issues with him.

He seems to me like he would be very happy if the whole world was dominated by politics that were directly influenced by Old Testament law. He was ranting yesterday about how many violent crimes could be traced back to sexual issues. His argument was that theft, drug slinging, murder, and a whole list of other things could be traced ultimately back to either pornography or illicit sex somewhere in the offender's life. His proposal was then also that perhaps we should start going back to making premarital sex and sex outside of marriage a punishable crime again. Now, I'm not going to say that I disagree with the fact that it might be an influence or that I am in favour of people just living sexually promiscuous lives, but how does this guy think that the government is going to be able track every sex related issue? Does this guy expect to have some kind of tactical team in place to go around like the Pharisees of Jesus' day looking for those committing adultery? Thankfully this guy is guy is only on 2 radio stations and on his own website as far as broadcasting goes because the scary thing is that there are many people who agree with much of what he says.

The other problem that I have with what he espouses though is that if you listen to him long enough and discern his words just right he really talks out of both sides of his mouth. He says that there are some things that are sin and then some sins that turn into crimes; and that it is not the government's job to punish sin, but it is their job to punish it when it becomes a crime. I don't necessarily disagree with him on that one except for the fact that many of his reasons for justifying this claim just don't follow through in regards to the rest of Jesus' teaching.

This guy says that it is a sin to covet but you can't arrest a guy for coveting, only for stealing- but I think that I remember Jesus saying that spiritually speaking, even coveting in one's heart makes them as guilty as actually stealing. Same with lust/adultery, hate/murder...etc. It seems to me that Jesus was confronting people just like this guy in his day and trying to show them the same thing that the Apostle Paul tried to tell the Romans- THE LAW IS SPIRITUAL AND SHOULD BE KEPT THAT WAY.

I think that it is a very dangerous thing when people try to use God as their justification to have a theonomic government. The lines just get too shady and before you know it you get people who are willing to enforce the law to too far of a degree.

But the whole point of this post is ultimately to get at the fact that I decided that I wanted to register myself as a user for his discussion board over at www.theologyonline.com

I started the registration process of choosing a username, a password, putting in my email address...and when I went to submit the registration info I was notified that my email address had already been banned by the administrator! I had never even been to that website before, never emailed him, never called into the show or anything; but already my email address was banned.

Have I made that much noise out on the Internet? I don't think it is possible. Not to mention that this guy doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would back down to some schlump like me. Who knows, maybe I'm on to something that is ahead of my time.

The Corporate Mouse Trap

2006-03-22T15:00:00.000-06:00

I have been sitting here at work today thinking about what exactly it is that I "do" here. The conclusion that I have come to is- I'm not exactly sure.

I have recently gotten a new manager. He is a good guy. I have worked with him for about 4 years or so and I like him. He is fun to be around, but he also knows what he is doing professionally. I've got to say though that when it comes time to have our first face to face meeting though that I am afraid that I might come off as someone who needs to be shown the door.

Here's the scoop- Technically my job title is PC LAN Analyst 2, but I function as part of the Virus Support/Remediation Team, but I spend a lot of my time doing stuff that involves Disaster Recovery & Preparedness.

In a given week I will spend time doing spreadsheets, documentation, giving out computer support, applying security patches to PCs and whatever else comes up. The new name of my direct team is Desktop Architecture & Compliance. They are responsible for setting all of the new hardware and software standards for the company. They get requests for various things and it is their job to review the requests and then either approve or deny them. I am on that team but I don't really do that.

I have to say that I don't hate my job, but I am finding that I just don't like being in limbo. I don't function as the rest of my teammates. I often wonder why I even still work here. I have no idea what else I would do though if I were to work doing something else.

I was out online today looking at job postings both inside and outside of my company. It feels almost like I am hopeless when it comes to finding a new job unless I go back to college and finish my degree. I don't have any degrees or certifications, but I do have 8 years of experience. I don't currently receive much of any on the job training that is pertinent to what I do either. Some days I have to admit that I was just on disability and was able to stay at home all of the time and let Uncle Sam pay all of my bills, but then I think about how lazy that would be for me to do; there are people out there who need that kind of assistance a lot more than I do.

So in the meantime I'm just a geek who sits here and writes about all this crap in his blog.

It's Still St. Patty's Day @ Ground Zero...Kind Of

2006-03-19T20:00:00.000-06:00

Can someone please hand me my sweatpants? I'm just kidding. I don't really wear those any more.

My wife's birthday actually is on St. Patty's day each year, March 17th, but she is really into the celebration thing so I always jokingly tell her that celebrating her birthday is kind of like celebrating Hanukkah; it lasts all week.

Last Saturday I gave her a gift early. Then Wednesday night she wanted to go out to eat, so I took her. Then Thursday night the neighbor was kind enough to bring over Little Caeser's pizza for us. Then Friday night she wanted to go out to eat again to a more "upscale" restaurant so I took her. My daughter gave her a birthday present then. Then on Saturday night I made her a green cake, and we ate green eggs and waffles. Then tonight [Sunday] I gave her the biggest one of them all. I had been scheming all week to throw her a kind of surprise birthday party with all of the family coming over to our place. I told her that it was just going to be my parents coming up to visit us to see the kids...but I didn't tell her that all the rest of the family was coming as well...her parents, siblings, my grandparents. So all together tonight we had around 20 people at our house tonight.

Let me just say that there was plenty of food and I consumed waaaay too much. I feel like a tick that is about to pop...and to make things worse I've been drinking coffee much of the afternoon and I feel like my body is about to come to a complete crash. Right now I can barely keep my eyes open. I imagine that very soon after everyone leaves that I will be in bed.

Even though I am not really a "social function bug" by nature, I am really glad that this went over well. I like doing things like this for my bride because I know that it means a lot to her. That is really what relationships are about; self-sacrifice for the other's loves/needs.

We had a great time, but I feel like a leprechaun who actually ate the gold once he found it.

Happy Birthday Baby! I love you and it was my pleasure.

Everyone's Irish Today

2006-03-17T09:55:00.000-06:00

b. 387 d.461

Saint Patrick

St. Patrick of Ireland is one of the world's most popular saints.

Apostle of Ireland, born at Kilpatrick, near Dumbarton, in Scotland, in the year 387; died at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland, 17 March, 461.

Along with St. Nicholas and St. Valentine, the secular world shares our love of these saints. This is also a day when everyone's Irish.

There are many legends and stories of St. Patrick, but this is his story.

Patrick was born around 385 in Scotland, probably Kilpatrick. His parents were Calpurnius and Conchessa, who were Romans living in Britian in charge of the colonies.

As a boy of fourteen or so, he was captured during a raiding party and taken to Ireland as a slave to herd and tend sheep. Ireland at this time was a land of Druids and pagans. He learned the language and practices of the people who held him.

During his captivity, he turned to God in prayer. He wrote

"The love of God and his fear grew in me more and more, as did the faith, and my soul was rosed, so that, in a single day, I have said as many as a hundred prayers and in the night, nearly the same." "I prayed in the woods and on the mountain, even before dawn. I felt no hurt from the snow or ice or rain."

Patrick's captivity lasted until he was twenty, when he escaped after having a dream from God in which he was told to leave Ireland by going to the coast. There he found some sailors who took him back to Britian, where he reunited with his family.

He had another dream in which the people of Ireland were calling out to him "We beg you, holy youth, to come and walk among us once more."

He began his studies for the priesthood. He was ordained by St. Germanus, the Bishop of Auxerre, whom he had studied under for years.

Later, Patrick was ordained a bishop, and was sent to take the Gospel to Ireland. He arrived in Ireland March 25, 433, at Slane. One legend says that he met a chieftain of one of the tribes, who tried to kill Patrick. Patrick converted Dichu (the chieftain) after he was unable to move his arm until he became friendly to Patrick.

Patrick began preaching the Gospel throughout Ireland, converting many. He and his disciples preached and converted thousands and began building churches all over the country. Kings, their families, and entire kingdoms converted to Christianity when hearing Patrick's message.

Patrick by now had many disciples, among them Beningnus, Auxilius, Iserninus, and Fiaac, (all later canonized as well).

Patrick preached and converted all of Ireland for 40 years. He worked many miracles and wrote of his love for God in Confessions. After years of living in poverty, traveling and enduring much suffering he died March 17, 461.

He died at Saul, where he had built the first church.

Why a shamrock?

Patrick used the shamrock to explain the Trinity, and has been associated with him and the Irish since that time.

In His Footsteps:

Patrick was a humble, pious, gentle man, whose love and total devotion to and trust in God should be a shining example to each of us. He feared nothing, not even death, so complete was his trust in God, and of the importance of his mission.

Just Do It!

2006-03-16T14:24:00.000-06:00

I just got back from going on an exhilarating 1/2 hour walk. I don't really get any exercise these days and I've got a lot of down time @ work. Plus I went to WebMD.com and did one of their profile things and it suggested that I start walking. I had been meaning to bring my walking shoes to work for about a week and a half but today I finally did.

I have to admit that I almost just left them in my backpack beside my desk and decided not to go, but then I figured that I was feeling tired enough that it might just help. I am guessing that I probably walked about 2 miles but I'm not sure. I must admit that I do feel better now. Maybe I shouldn't have gone the whole way today because my body isn't used to it yet, but I guess we'll find that out later.

As I was walking I saw so many old buildings that used to be businesses and manufacturing plants that are now nothing but warehouses. Some developers have taken a few of them and are converting them into apartment/condo complexes, but I think that they cost a lot of money to rent.

I just couldn't help but think about almost every spy/crime movie I'd ever seen where the bad guys hide out in warehouses. I did see a couple of guys outside of one of the buildings smoking. It just made me wonder what they actually do inside.

Either way, I just gotta walk.

Sticking It To The Man

2006-03-15T10:48:00.000-06:00

Today Starbucks offers free coffee from 10am-noon at their various 7500 locations across the US. I am not really one to ever go to this establishment unless I have a voucher or coupon that gets me something that is nearly free. I decided today though to venture out the 2 block walk in order to get my free heart attack. I don't know what kind of blend it is, but what I do know is that in order for my taste buds to be able to tolerate it I had to dump out 1/3 of the coffee and replace it with water, and even then it is still pretty strong. I think I feel more hair growing on my chest and in my mouth.

I am always fascinated by watching people. I was curious as to what kind of hobbits would be found waiting it out in line there this morning. I wasn't let down.

In front of me was a very fascinating threesome of deaf folks. It didn't bother me in the least because I grew up being exposed to people who were hearing impaired. I even took some sign language courses with my mom when I was a kid. I don't really remember much of any of it any more but I can catch some things here and there. I just stood there thinking about what all difficulties that they run into on a daily basis. Not being able to hear would be very difficult. Especially when there was a lady standing behind them wanting to get past them who kept saying "excuse me" and they didn't have a clue. I even started to reach out and tap the deaf lady, but by then one of the guys she was with saw what was happening.

The group behind me seemed like a bunch of kids who thought that St. Patty's day had come early. I know that it might just be me and the fact that I seem so far removed from the rest of the world, but these kids that I see out and about these days just seem to be getting younger and younger. I am guessing that these kids were probably still in High School...which makes me even sicker because I thought that one of them was pretty good looking in a Kiera Knightly sort of way. Anyhooo- They were all wearing green things; and it seemed like it was on purpose. One of them even kept saying [to who I have no idea] "kiss me I'm Irish." I think that was the dude, but he was the nuttiest looking of them all.

We got inside and I felt like I must be in yuppie heaven. The inside had a very modern feel with soothing colours and calming, yet hip music playing. I have no idea who it was though. Some people were sitting at tables as though they were regulars, which is kind of funny because there are only a handful of tables in there anyways. But standing in line and waiting, slowly inching forward I made my way past various items that were on display and ultimately for sale. I saw a 10 cup coffee maker that looked like it was made out of stainless steel. I thought it looked kind of cool until I saw the $119.00 price tag on it. No thanks. I probably don't make coffee enough to justify anything like that. In fact, I have a hard enough time spending $30 for one. It must be my Scotch heritage.

So I made my way up to the counter and told the lady that I'd take just a regular Breakfast Blend and she reached back and grabbed a cup and put a lid on it and then sounded like she said something about how I was lucky enough to get something Columbian something or other. I don't know.

Then I saw one of the deaf guys who was ahead of me at the little creamer table that they had. The poor guy was trying to get the lid off of his cup and ended up spilling the whole thing all over the table and on to the floor. I reached for a paw full of napkins and handed them to him and he mouthed "thank you" to me as one of the younger Brown brothers [who I know that works there] popped out to clean up the mess and get him a replacement.

After I had my cut I decided that it was time to get out of Dodge. I headed back to the office, the whole 2 block walk; but the blocks betwixt the caffine cave and my building are fairly big blocks. It was still chilly with a cutting cold breeze that made me remember that my stocking cap was still in my car on the passenger seat. No big deal though because I was getting closer with each step.

Part of the time I kept thinking back to what I had read about this ordeal from this morning's small descriptive article from the Chicago Tribune. They said that this offering of Starbucks to the community comes only a week after McDonalds started offering "high end" coffee. Somehow that just seems really suspicious to me, not in a conspiracy theory sort of way, but from a cost perspective. The reality of that would mean that Mickey D's coffee could now potentially go from being $.75 a cup to $1.75. I suppose some of the younger yuppies might go for that but certainly not the old timers. Not to mention the sheer irony alone of the golden arches being even close to competion with the other bean giants of the world. But I digress...

I got back to the office, realizing as I was walking back to my desk, the countless times that I have razzed my co-workers about going to waste their money at the local dark watering hole. It dawned on me that my now holding a cup that bore their emblem would normally put me dangerously close to being guilty of what I often accused them of, but not today. Today I'm in the clear...but only because this one was on the house.

An Ever Present Pain

2006-03-14T10:56:00.000-06:00

I have had the opportunity in my life to have known two very great and important people. They were people who had a very deep impact on my life in more ways than I can count and both of them have passed on. My grandfather and my aunt. My grandpa died 10 years ago, and my aunt 11.

I find myself still thinking of them often. Whenever I look into my daughters eyes and see the love of life and fun that she has I think of my aunt Laura. She was a very beautiful woman. She had reddish brown hair, hazel eyes, dark skin. She was usually the life of the party. She was a devoted mother and wife. Very active in her church and extended family and a top sales rep for her company.

I used to talk to her about almost everything as a teen. When I was afraid to talk to my parents or grandparents I went to her. She was a listener. People loved her deeply. At the age of 35 she was stricken with breast cancer. She went through the treatments and beat it...and then it came back and killed her within 6 weeks. Her funeral had nearly 1000 attendees. I had never seen so many people at a funeral service in my life.

I wasn't there with her the night that she died, but I was there the night before, shortly before she went into her final coma. We were all standing around the bed as she gave her "last orders" to everyone. I just remember standing there on her right side crying and telling her that I loved her and that I would miss her. She looked back at me and in a very scratch and weak voice she told me "Christopher, I'm so proud of you. Don't cry for me. Be brave. You have grown up to be a fine young man."

I can still remember standing there next to the bed fighting the tears. We eventually had to go home. Mom and Dad took my sister and I home for the night and then they headed back to the hospital to be with her and the rest of the family. A few hours after they all reassembled at the hospital around her bed. She slipped into her last coma and gracefully died.

Laura was the glue that held our family together. She had the ability to be tough enough when everyone needed to get their butts kicked by her. She loved God, her work and her family. She was a great mom to her kids.

At the graveside service, before they lowered the casket into the ground, I took off my ID bracelet that had my name on it and clipped it onto the hand bar of the wooden box in which she lay. In a way I wanted a piece of me to go with her. I did feel as though a part of me also died with her.

She is continually on my mind and there is not a time that goes by when I still don't cry when I run across an old picture of her.

My other hero was my grandpa, Bob. He was the quirkiest guy I knew. His clothes seldom matched, he was always making strange noises and sounds with his mouth, he always had a joke, and seemed to get along with everyone.

I remember when I was a kid spending a lot of time up at the hospital visiting him. He had French Polio for a while and got over it. I was really too little to understand everything that was going on at the time.

As I got older and could understand some more things I saw him go through two heart attacks and open heart surgeories; both of which he pulled through.

My sister and I used to spend pretty close to every weekend with my grandparents. Grandpa and I would build things in his shed. I would help him with things around the house and we would often get up early and go fishing together on summer mornings. When they lived in an apartment complex for older people he and I would go for breakfast almost every Saturday morning at Perkins restaurant which was just a short walk away. He would let me order whatever I wanted to and he would just sit and drink coffee. We would talk about all kinds of things.

When I was old enough he found an old battery powered car for me. Someone had thrown it away and he fixed it up. He put new wheels on it, a new steering wheel and a new battery. I used to drive that thing everywhere. And when I was even older yet, he made me a pair of stiltz. I had never had anything like that before. I felt like I was on top of the world.

The most exciting and probably memorable part of all my time with him was when I turned 14. I had just gotten my driver's license. He had gotten in too many accidents on the side of the road when out hunting for empty pop cans so grandma told him that he couldn't drive anymore. So I had a new job- I was now grandpa's driver. He had a little 2-door Honday CVCC that we drove everywhere. In essense he really taught me the essentials of driving. It was during a lot of those drives that I got to know the most about him.

He had worked in the saw mills of Oregon as a young man until he decided to enlist in the Navy during WWII. When he got out of the Navy he decided to go into the ministry. He served in the ministry for about 30 years before he had to retire due to health reasons. He loved psychology and history. When he died I inherited all of his books that he hadn't already donated to various churches. I think that inadvertently I also inherited so much more from him.

Even though I got busier with things toward the end of High School I would still go over to grandpa's house and help him with different things around the house and yard. Sometimes I would just have time to kill and so I'd go visit for no real reason at all. He was just nice to be around. I used to call him up and ask him questions about various things that I was studying...and he would occasionally call me just to say hi and tell me that he loved me.

I remember him calling to talk to me on a Sunday afternoon and I was gone. When I got home my mom told me that he had called and for some stupid reason I pushed it back on the odds that he would call back later. The next day I went to school, then piano lessons, then show choir rehersal. I got home around 9pm and my mom got home shortly after. There was a message from Grandma asking that mom call her "as quickly as she got home." I heard mom pick up the phone and start to talk to grandma...then I heard her yelling and crying "NNNOOOOOOO!!!" Grandpa had died earlier that night. He and Grandma had been talking throughout the evening and eventually he closed his eyes for a nap, as he often did, only this time he didn't wake up.

For the longest time I hated myself for not calling him back sooner. I thought that maybe somehow if I would have just called him back and talked to him that it could have changed the course of fate or destiny and he would still be here today. I eventually stopped blaming myself though. That's not to say that I don't regret not having that one last conversation with him though. God, I wish I could have heard his voice that one last time.

It has been 10 years since his death and I still miss him. I miss him when I sing the songs with my daughter that he used to sing with me. I miss him when I tell the jokes that he used to tell. I miss him when I look into my son's face and see that he looks so much like his great grandpa.

Laura and Grandpa, there are probably so many more pages that I could fill with things to say about you but I just don't have the time or the energy.

I know that you probably aren't even aware that I spent the time writing this stuff down, or aware of my tears that have fallen down my face as I think about you, but I guess for my sake I just wanted to tell you both how badly I've missed you and that I can't wait until we meet again.

Some Views I Hold- Part I

2006-03-13T17:11:00.000-06:00

The Creation/Genesis Account
I have read a lot and listened to many debates about this issue and have to admit that I often walk away scratching my head. So many people hold so many different views and I don't doubt their sincerity or scholarship, but sometimes the final product is what ends up bothering me.

I grew up with the firm belief that God created the world exactly in the fashion laid out in Genesis 1-2. The interpretation of this passage was to be taken literally to understand that God created the Universe and all that is in it in a literal span of 6 24 hour days. I had no problem believing that. To me it made enough sense, but more than anything else it served as a concrete foundation for everything else that I believed to stand on. Now I am older. I don't want to be so arrogant as to think that my mind has matured to the point to thinking that believing the same way is somehow childish; but I do believe that much of my understanding of how to read Genesis has changed.

Earlier today I was listening to a discussion between a Reformed pastor and a former Church of Christ pastor-gone-atheist. The Reformed pastor is someone who is called a presuppositionalist. In short, what that means is that when it comes to examining any kind of issue, the basic presupposition or starting place of reason is that the Bible [read in its literal form] is the basis and starting point by which all things should be examined. So this was the jist of the conversation- The Reformed pastor asked the ex-pastor what the initial step was to his "deconversion" from Christianity. The ex-pastor said that it all started when he began to study Genesis from a literal reading and compare it to science. He began to find that there were several ways in which science seemed to contradict what the Bible said happened. From there it was all just a downward spiral toward unbelief.

The Reformed pastor then explained to the ex-pastor why that was a dangerous thing to do; take the Bible out of the "figuring out" process. They talked a little bit about different theories behind how the world and universe came about. The Reformer seemed like he was absolutely set on filtering all external information through his literal interpretation of Genesis. Needless to say, neither party was totally convincing in their arguments.

So what do I believe? None of this is conclusive or exclusive and is primarily an argument from literature and philosophy, but I have spent about a year or two really studying and thinking about the issue and through my journey I have arrived at this view- I believe that the creation account laid out in Genesis is just a spiritual metaphor for-

1. Contrasting the Pagan ideas that the Creator was removed from his Creation by including God in the narritive as being actively involved in the creation of each part of the life system.
2. Showing the purpose of life being that of having a relationship with God.
3. Showing the interaction between God and his creation of Man and how Man failed the test.
4. Showing the effects of that failure and its consequential outworking throughout the rest of Creation.

Why do I believe this? Why don't I put as much stock anymore in to a literal reading of the account? For a number of reasons. This is in no way a comprehensive list, not do I intend to delve into all of the scientific and theological issues involved with it, but just kind of a thought progression of a studied "pew muffin" like myself.

I have several questions that come to mind when I read the text. The first question is this- If God created the world in only 6 days, then what kind of time frame do we use to explain the amount of time that makes up a day?

a. I know that there are many different explanations for this one. The most common explanation is to compare how the Hebrew word yom [day] is used in other passages of Scripture. I don't know if this is really the best test though, because like in the English language, Hebrew can use one word in many different ways. There are many passages throughout the rest of the Bible that allude to the idea that God's perception/usage of time is much different than ours is; i.e. "a day unto the Lord is as a thousand years."

b. The passage itself lends thought to the idea that God set things in motion, and then stuck around long enough to see if they would naturally continue to do what he told them to do; e.g. "And God said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, [and] the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed [is] in itself, upon the earth: and it was so. And the earth brought forth grass, [and] herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed [was] in itself, after his kind: and God saw that [it was] good." So it looks like here that God gave the command, then stood back and watched and saw that it obeyed. That doesn't just happen usually in only 24 hours.

c. God didn't even make the sun and moon to govern the day and night until the "4th day."

Another question that comes up is- If Adam and Eve were the first humans and they had children, did they have them before or after the fall?

a. If they had them before the fall, then it is plausable to believe that they could have had tons and tons of children without them being genetically screwed up from what we have adopted to believe are the "effects of sin." However, the text tends to say that they didn't have any until after the fall because that is how God said that Eve would be "saved"- through childbearing.

b. Since it tends to convey that they were born after the fall not only does it leave out all of the other hundreds of children that they would have also had to have in order to "replenish" [KJV] the earth, but it also doesn't seem to be compatible with the idea of genetic mutation that is understood to have come about from the fall.

c. The use of the word "replenish" in the command that God gave to them in populating the earth. This is the same thing that he told Noah to do after the flood; so who was here before Adam and Eve? You cannot replenish something if it didn't first have something else. He told them to replenish the earth which means that they were to once again fill a void that was caused by the absense of something else.

Another question I ran across was- What did it mean that a suitable helper was not found for Adam? Many other sources that I have read say that God tried to find compatibility with Adam and many of the different animals but that companionshp that he made Adam to need couldn't be filled by any of them.

Another issue- Are "Adam" and "Eve" names or symbols? We have come to believe that they are names, but in the Hebrew they are actually titles. Adam isn't a person's name, but rather it is a word that means man as in mankind. And the word Eve means from mankind. So is this talking about only two individuals, or a group of people, or a thing? I tend to believe that the picture here is that of mankind being created and the "Eve" that was created was man's ability to perform functions or actions that flowed out of himself. So how would the text read according to my observations?

"And God made a dwelling place for mankind. And God took mankind and breathed into him the breath of life. Then God said 'it is not good for man to be alone; so he put him into a deep sleep and drew out of him the ability to work. This would be his fulfillment or sense of purpose that God made for him."

So I don't see Adam and Eve as literal people who were the first people to be created, but rather a symbol of the human race in whatever form it existed, in whatever way it was made by God.

The Fall
There are some issues that come into play with the Fall that are also interesting to note that make it difficult to read this account as an actual literal event that happened. Let's talk about them.

The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil- Most of the time we are taught that Adam and Eve sinned by disobeying God in that they ate from the tree. That may be so, but what I am more interested in is what kind of tree it was. It wasn't just a tree, but a tree of the knowledge of good and evil. So it wasn't that God didn't want them to eat of the tree, but he didn't want them to eat and gain the knowledge of what good and evil was. This is re-iterated later on in Genesis 3 when God makes the decision to ban them from "the garden" when he says "now they have become like us in that they know good and evil." It wasn't that they ate, but rather now the knowledge that they possessed from eating it.

The Serpent- The narritive says that the serpent was more cunning than any of the other beasts of the field. This serpent not only had the ability to talk, but he apparently also probably walked either upright or was amphibious in nature. First he talks to the Woman. She then argues with him and misconstrues God's words to her by adding to the story. She then talks the Man into "sinning" with her. Then they are both cursed and then the serpent is cursed also to now go about on his belly and eat the dust of the earth. Then God told him that there would forever be friction between the Serpent's offspring and Man's offspring. So this serpent also supposedly had physical consequences for tempting the man and the woman.

If the Serpent in question here is Satan, it is interesting to note that the Hebrew word for Satan is haSatan. This word simply means, the adversary or the opposer. There are so many numerous places throughout the rest of the Bible where Mankind, or the whole Human Race is also called the "enemy of God." Ephesians even states that we were "enemies of God in our minds." So was there a real talking snake in the garden? I tend to think not. The only other place throughout all the rest of the Bible where an animal speaks is when Baalam's donkey speaks; and that only seems to be because no one else was around.

I tend to see the temptation of the snake in Genesis to be a picture of how Mankind was created in the image of God. God put within man, and pulled out of man [Eve- out of man] the ability to work and produce. In his work and produce though he was tempted by his own opposition to follow after the "lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life." He saw that the pursuit to be like God in knowing or judging for himself what was good or evil could try to somehow replace his need for his Maker. This was later done all over again at the Tower of Babel. James says that "when a man is tempted he is drawn away and enticed by his own lust." So the snake is just the picture of how easily a man can get into trouble when he lets his work get the best of him. This is ultimately sin before God; that the whole human race has replaced the need for God by their work and desire to be as God.

The Expulsion From The Garden-
After the Fall, God convenes with the rest of the Trinity and they decide that they don't want Mankind to remain in the Garden in this illuminated state "lest they eat from the tree of life and live forever." Now, He had already told them that if they ate from the tree that they would die [Heb. "in dying you will die"] so what does this mean that they could now live forever? Is it a contradiction? I don't think so. I think that it is another picture of God's intent to ban them from the idea of perfection. They had become like him [in abstract theory] and he would not compete with them. Now, even though he bans them from the Garden and will not allow them to return he takes the next step to cover them with protection. He makes clothes for them after they see their nakedness. He provides another land for them to live in. He treats them well. Then he gives the curses also in that Mankind would now suffer pain in his work, and that Womankind would be saved in childbearing.

Then they have kids. Cain kills Abel. Cain gets banished out of the land of his father and becomes a nomad but yet finds himself a wife in a distant land. Where did she come from? Who else was there on the earth scattered around in various locations already? Did the authors of Genesis leave that out?

I do not take Genesis to be the literal explanation as to how the world began. In light of all the other parts of the rest of the Scripture, I understand Genesis to be the symbolic explanation of how the progression of man lead up to the birth of the nation of Israel.

It is not my attempt to use this as a means to poke fun of those to take a literal view of these "beginning things" but rather to just try and look at them from another perspective. I do not believe that it is damaging to take these things and read them from a literal perspective, but I personally find that they have so much more meaning when put into the poetic literary context in which they were written. Jesus always seemed to be about looking beyond what was clearly seen by the naked eye to see the mystery that was hidden underneath.

In closing- I greatly disagree with the Pastor who thinks that leaving behind a fundamentalist understanding of the Scriptures is just heading for trouble. That may be what he needs for his own journey of faith; but I am not alone when I say that the road of this spiritual walk indeed has been paved by those who can see beyond the paint and the canvas to see the picture that the artist intended to paint.

Finding the Gospel of Jesus

2006-03-12T12:15:00.000-06:00

I ran across this piece over on Christianity Today.com and thought that it was worth duplicating here. [Most of the time I don't find much worth reading on that website]

Read and consider what Donald Miller [author of Blue Like Jazz] has to offer in this thought provoking piece.

Searching for the Gospel of Jesus
by Donald Miller
from Outreach magazine, January/February 2006

My friend Greg and I have been talking quite a bit about what it means to follow Jesus. Greg wouldn't consider himself to be somebody who takes Jesus seriously, but he admits to having questions. I didn't have a formula for him to understand how a Christian conversion works, but I told him that many years ago, when I was a child, I had heard about Jesus and found the idea of Him compelling; then much later while reading the Gospels, I came to believe I wanted to follow Him. This changed things in my life, I said, because it involved giving up everything and choosing to go into a relationship with Him.

Greg said he'd seen a pamphlet with four or five ideas on it, ideas such as man was a sinner, sin separated man from God, and Christ died to absolve the separation. He asked me if this was what I believed, and I told him, essentially, that it was. "Those would be the facts of the story," I said, "but that isn't the story."
"Those are the ideas, but it isn't the narrative," Greg stated rhetorically.
"Yes," I told him.

Earlier that same year, I had a conversation with my friend Omar, who's a student at a local college. For his humanities class, Omar was assigned to read the majority of the Bible. He asked to meet with me for coffee, and when we sat down, he put a Bible on the table, as well as a pamphlet offering the same five or six ideas Greg had mentioned. He opened the pamphlet, read the ideas and asked if these concepts were important to the central message of Christianity. I told Omar they were critical, that basically this was the Gospel of Jesus, the backbone of Christian faith. Omar then opened his Bible and asked, "If these ideas are so important, why aren't they in this book?"
"But the Scripture references are right here," I said curiously, showing Omar that the verses were printed next to each idea.
"I see that," he said. "But in the Bible, they aren't concise like they are in this pamphlet. They're spread out all over the book."
"But this pamphlet is a summation of the ideas," I clarified.
"Right," Omar continued, "but it seems like, if these ideas are that critical, God would've taken the time to make bullet-points out of them. Instead, He put some of them here and some of them there. And half the time, when Jesus is talking, He is speaking entirely in parables. It's hard to believe that whatever it is He's talking about can be summed up this simply."

Explaining Mystery
Omar's point is well taken. And while the ideas presented in these pamphlets are certainly true, it struck me how simply we, the Church, had begun to explain the ideas, not only how simply, but also how non-relationally, how propositionally. I'm not faulting the pamphlets at all. Tracts such as the ones Omar and Greg encountered have been powerful tools in helping people understand the beauty of the message of Christ. Millions, perhaps, have come to know Jesus through these efficient presentations of the Gospel. I did, however, begin to wonder if there were better ways of explaining it. But the greater trouble with these reduced ideas is that modern evangelical culture is so accustomed to this summation that it's difficult for us to see the Gospel as anything other than a list of true statements with which a person must agree.
It makes me wonder if, because of this reduced version of the claims of Christ, we believe the Gospel is easy to understand—a simple mental exercise—not in the least bit mysterious. And if you think about it, a person has a more difficult time explaining romantic love, for instance, or beauty, or the Trinity, than the Gospel of Jesus. John would open his Gospel by presenting the idea that God is the Word and Jesus is the Word and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. Not exactly bullet points for easy consumption. Perhaps our reduction of these ideas has caused us to miss something.

Each year, I teach a class on the Gospel and culture at a small Bible college back east. This year, I asked the students to list the precepts someone would need to understand to become a Christian. I stood at the white board and they called out ideas: Man is sinful by nature; sin separates us from God; Jesus died for our sins; we could accept Jesus into our hearts, and so on.
Then, looking at the board, I began to ask some questions about these almost universally accepted ideas. I asked if a person could believe all these ideas were true and yet not be a Christian.

I told them my friend Matt, for instance, believed all these ideas and yet would never claim to be a person who knows Jesus or much less follows Him. The students conceded that, in fact, a person could know and even believe all the concepts on the board and yet not be a Christian.
"Then there is something missing, isn't there?" I said to the class. "It isn't watertight just yet. There must be some idea we're leaving out, some fool-proof thing a person has to agree with to have a relationship with Christ."

We sat together and looked at the board for several minutes until we conceded we weren't going to come up with the missing element. Then I erased the board and asked the class a different question: "What ideas would a guy need to agree with, or what steps would he need to take, to fall in love with a girl?" The class chuckled a bit, but I continued, going so far as to begin a list.

1. A guy would have to get to know her.

I stood back from the board and wondered out loud what the next step might be.
"Any suggestions?" I asked the class.
We thought about it for a second, and then one of the students spoke up, "It isn't exactly a scientific process."

Missing the Messiah
On yet another occasion teaching that same class, I presented a form of the Gospel but left out a key element to see if they would notice. I told them in advance that I was going to leave out a critical element of the Gospel, and I asked them to listen carefully to figure out the missing piece.

I told them man was sinful, and this was obvious when we looked at the culture we lived in. I pointed out specific examples of depravity, including homosexuality, abortion, drug use, song lyrics on the radio, newspaper headlines and so on. Then I told the class that man must repent, and showed them Scriptures that spoke firmly to this idea.

Then I spoke of the beauty and rewards of living a moral life. I talked about heaven and told the students how their lives could be God-honoring and God-centered. Repenting, I said, would give them a sense of purity and a feeling of fulfillment on earth.

When I was done, I rested my case and asked the class if they could tell me what I had left out of this Gospel presentation. I waited as a class of Bible college students—who had all taken an evangelism class only weeks before in which they went door-to-door to hundreds of homes and shared their faith—sat there for several minutes in uncomfortable silence. None of the 45 students realized I had presented a Gospel without once mentioning the name of Jesus.

The story bears repeating: I presented a Gospel to Christian Bible college students and left out Jesus. Nobody noticed, even when I said I was neglecting something important, even when I asked the class to think very hard about what I had left out, even when I stood there for five minutes in silence.

To a culture of people that believes they "go to heaven" based on whether or not they're morally pure, or that they understand some theological ideas, or that they are very spiritual, Jesus is completely unnecessary. At best, He is an afterthought, a technicality by which we become morally pure, or a subject we know about, or a founding father of our woo-woo spirituality.
I assure you, these students loved Jesus very much. It's just that when they thought of the Gospel, they thought of the message in terms of a series of thoughts or principles, not mysterious relational dynamics.

The least important of the ideas, to this class, was knowing Jesus; the least important of the ideas was the one that's relational. The Gospel of Jesus, then, mistakenly assumed by this class, is something different from Jesus Himself. The two are mutually exclusive in this way.
This, of course, is a lie birthed out of a method of communication the Bible never uses.

Finding the Gospel
Imagine a pamphlet explaining the Gospel of Jesus that said something like this:
You are the bride to the Bridegroom, and the Bridegroom is Jesus Christ. You must eat of His flesh and drink of His blood to know Him, and your union with Him will make you one, and your oneness with Him will allow you to be identified with Him, His purity allowing God to interact with you. And because of this, you will be with Him in eternity, sitting at His side and enjoying His companionship, which will be more fulfilling than an earthly husband or an earthly bride. All you must do to engage God is be willing to leave everything behind, be willing to walk away from your identity, and embrace joyfully the trials and tribulations, the torture and perhaps, martyrdom that will come upon you for being a child of God in a broken world working out its own redemption in empty pursuits.

Though it sounds absurd, this is a much more accurate summation of the Gospel of Jesus than the bullet points we like to consider when we think about Christ's Gospel. Perhaps the reason Scripture includes so much poetry within and outside the narrative, so many parables and stories, so many visions and emotional letters, is because it is attempting to describe a relational break man tragically experienced with God and a disturbed relational history man has had since then and, furthermore, a relational dynamic man must embrace to have relational intimacy with God once again.

Maybe the Gospel of Jesus, in other words, is all about our relationship with Jesus rather than about ideas. And perhaps our lists and formulas and bullet points are nice in the sense they help us memorize different truths, but harmful in the sense they delude, or perhaps ignore, the necessary relationship that must begin between God and us for us to become His followers. And worse, perhaps our formulas and bullet points and steps steal the sincerity we might engage God with.

Becoming a Christian might look more like falling in love than baking cookies. Don't get me wrong—I'm not saying that for someone to know Jesus, he or she must get a kind of crush on Him. But I am suggesting that, not unlike any other relationship, a person might need to understand that Jesus is alive, that He is God, that we need to submit to Him, that He has the power to save, and so on—all of which are ideas, but ideas entangled in a kind of relational dynamic. This seems more logical to me, because if God made us and wants to know us, then this would require a more mysterious interaction than following a recipe.

In fact, I believe the Bible is screaming this idea and is completely silent on any other, including our formulas and bullet points. It seems, rather, that Christ's parables and His words about eating His flesh and drinking His blood were designed to bypass the memorization of ideas and cause us to wrestle with a certain need to cling to Him. In other words, a poetic presentation of the Gospel of Jesus is more accurate than a set of steps.

Biblically, you're hard-pressed to find theological ideas divorced from their relational context. There are, essentially, three dominant scriptural metaphors describing our relationship with God: sheep to a shepherd, child to a father and bride to a bridegroom. In fact, few places in Scripture speak to the Christian conversion experience through any method other than relational metaphor.

Contrasting this idea, I recently heard a man, while explaining how a person could convert to Christianity, say the experience was not unlike a person who sits in a chair. He said that while a person can have faith that a chair will hold him, it's not until he sits in the chair that he has acted on his faith.

I wondered as I heard this if the chair was a kind of a symbol for Jesus, and how irritated Jesus might be if a lot of people kept trying to sit on Him. And then I wondered at how Jesus could say He was a Shepherd and we were sheep, and that the Father in heaven was our Father and we were His children, and that He Himself was a Bridegroom and we were His bride, and yet we somehow missed His meaning and thought becoming a Christian was like sitting in a chair.

Rainy Days and Sundays

2006-03-12T11:23:00.000-06:00

It is Sunday and once again we are not to be found in church. My wife isn't feeling very well and my daughter has a headache. I got dad duties while the Mrs. took a nap and changing my son's diaper is like trying to wrestle an aligator. He flops around and tries to get out of it any way he can. Well I don't really think that he's trying to get out of getting his pants changed but rather just wanting to roll around.

I woke up this morning at about 6:30 from a very bizarre dream. It was one of those naked dreams; you know where you're the only one who's naked. I was back in school for some reason [high school] and I was married, but then suddenly I remembered that I had been married before only it was a very short marriage. I think that it only lasted about 5 days. I don't know why it didn't last. My only guess is that we realized that it was a mistake. The problem was that I couldn't remember if we had just split up or if we actually finalized the divorce. Since I was remarried I really wanted to make sure that things had been finalized with the previous divorce because I didn't want to get in trouble for bigamy. The long and the short of it is that it was a very bizarre dream and I didn't want to have it again. One of those that you just wake up exhausted from.

So I tried to do some shopping with my daughter yesterday. Things started out OK, but then she reached a point where she decided that she didn't really want to listen to me any longer. She just wanted to do things her way instead of mine. That can cause a lot of problems that you just don't normally think about. It is a good parable about God though.

We keep trying to teach our daughter that it is important to listen and obey us the first time we command her...especially in the small things. If she can be obedient in the small things then we know that she can be trusted with big things. Yes, sometimes it does seem crass to discipline her for not bringing us a Kleenex, but if she doesn't know how to obey right away in something like that, the chances of her getting hurt later on because of not obeying are higher.

We survived shopping and had to administer some discipline when we got home but overall she is a pretty good kid.

Obedience to God is important. It isn't really complicated. Thank God he is more patient than we are. He sees the end before he plans the means.

So even though we aren't in the physical building this morning, we are still having "church." Life- welcome to the sanctuary.

What the...???

2006-03-10T02:57:00.000-06:00

Hey Kids! I really couldn't tell you why, but I have been waking up for the last couple of days at around 5am; 2 hours before my alarm is scheduled to beep. Well, this morning tops them all. I went to bed last night at around 10:30pm and now it is only just coming up on 3am and I'm wide awake. This hasn't happened in quite a while; but I must say that I do feel like I am fairly rested. I think that if I stay this awake, I might just watch a movie and then go into work early so I can come home early.

So what's new in movies? I was reading on the Internet Movie Database website about some new flicks coming out soon. I am pretty excited about some of the up and comers. Next week V for Vendetta comes out. And then in the near future another movie that is based on a book that I read called Thank You For Smoking comes out. Later on this year we will see The Brazilian Job. [No, that one doesn't have anything to do with waxing any certain areas on one's body]

Speaking of movies, I have two fresh ones that I am just waiting to watch. The first one is Ice Harvest with Billy Bob Thornton and John Cusak. They are hitmen, but I just love anything with John Cusak...especially see High Fidelity and Gross Pointe Blank. And the other movie on the queue is Transamerica with Felicity Huffman concerning issues pertaining to transgender/gender reassignment issues.

Why do I watch so many movies? I don't know, I just do.

Now, if you'll excuse me I think I'll go watch one of my current favourites- Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

Shamoo is on the loose

2006-03-09T13:35:00.000-06:00

Whether he is or not is really of no interest to me. I think that it is so ironic that the friendliest of all sea mammals is dolphin. And then to go on to name a football team the Dolphins...where does it end?

I almost got T-Boned in a parking lot yesterday. I was leaving and this other driver wasn't really paying much attention to who else was in the lot and they were going pretty fast. There was no squealing of the tires or anything like that but they stopped literally just inches away from my car. Now, anyone who has seen my car knows that it really wouldn't hurt the appearance if someone else rammed into it. But I had to admit for a moment that I was excited at the prospect of getting run into. It would have been a passenger side plow.

Being that my car isn't worth anything as it is, I figured that the other guy's insurance company would just take my car and give me a cash settlement. I would then turn around and have my vehicle negotiator find me a nice newer used car like the one I have, and then I'd be riding sweet again with no money out of my pocket.

But alas, I didn't get hit. I'm glad though too because it always takes insurance companies a grip and a half to do anything, unless both drivers are insured by the same place. And it was raining and I didn't want to have to stand out in the rain.

Does anyone read this blog? I know that Steve, Travis, Eric, Jadon, and my wife read it...and some other chick out there who commented on my post about Wal-Mart, but who else? Let your voice be heard!

The Waffle House

2006-03-08T21:29:00.000-06:00

I haven't felt this nauseated in quite a while and this time my meds have nothing to do with it. Tonight my wife and I made up about 500 waffles. Well, it was actually probably more like 30, but still...

I came to a point where I actually had to leave the kitchen because I needed a break from the mayhem. I didn't realize that leaving the area would just make things worse. When I came back into the kitchen the smell, what started out as a nice smell, just went horribly wrong. I am just thinking at this point that it very well may be a while until I eat any more waffles.

In other news we had a scare tonight. My daughter was playing some some magnetic numbers that go on the fridge and she happened to have the "division" sign in her hand that she thought should go in my son's mouth. He was jumping around and the piece got pushed to the back of his throat. He cried for a minute or two and then started coughing and then threw up some of his supper that I noticed also had some blood in it. She had apparently cut the inside of his throat with the corner of this plastic magnet.

He cried for a bit longer and then once I put him in front of his mom then he started to calm down and smile. So a few minutes later I gave him some water to see if that would help wash things out a bit and he seemed to do alright with it. I am praying that nothing serious has happened. My daughter still doesn't understand the severity of it all.

Another Gray Day

2006-03-07T17:03:00.000-06:00

I had to go to our Collection center today for Disaster Recovery testing today with some of our business units. Each time I go out there it only takes a couple of minutes of eavesdropping on some of the calls to remind me that I'm glad that I neither work there, nor have them calling me at home.

I guess it takes a big pair to work in Collections. You have to deal with people who are passed due on their accounts for whatever reason. For the most part they have their valid reasons. These are people who get called from the "30 Day Bucket." But I talked to a girl out there today who said that she used to be in the Recovery part of it. These are people who are calling customers who are 90-120 days passed due on their accounts. These are the people who also call in the big bald guys that you see on TLC to come and repo your cars, computers, TVs, etc. She said that those people that she called about those accounts were some of the worst to have to talk to. She said that one lady that she called was very delinquent on her mortgage payment. The lady supposedly told her that she wasn't going to make the payments any more because the bank didn't tell her "thank you" when she mailed in more than what the minimum monthly payment was. Does that sound legit? Apparently the customer thought so.

But like I said, it only takes a minute of listening to these bulldogs on the phone trying to collect the late Benjamins to remind me that I don't have it so bad.

It wasn't very pretty out today either. I guess we are getting some much needed rain, but it was just cold and wet with a lot of wind. I had to park quite a ways away from the Collection center today because the lot was full. As I got into the parking lot, I saw this SUV driving around slowly that had 2 people in the front seat. The driver honked at me and waved as if he knew me. I thought that the face looked familiar but it was also hard to see with all the raindrops on my glasses. My 2nd guess was that he thought he knew me, but had mistaken me for someone else, but by the time he waved it was too late. I hate it when I do that.

They say that spring is just around the corner and I hope that it is. Driving on the freeway can be scary this time of year. Combinations of slush and rain and feeling your car hydroplaning beneath you. I'm not scared of my driving, it is always being afraid of what the guy in front or behind you is going to do. I would like to give a statistic now about how many accidents could be avoided if the other guy would have just been a little more careful...but fault is always in the eyes of the defendant.

I have been giving a lot more serious thought to writing a book/story that I have wanted to for some time now. I think that in order for it to make any sense in my mind I am either going to have to have it be based on experiences that have been slightly altered or have it be fiction all together. I don't really consider myself to be a novelist and I wouldn't even know where to begin in trying to find someone to publish it...much less get someone to sell it. I think I'll leave out fight scenes with cross dressers and chineese stars.

Maybe I could write a script and send it to Kevin Smith [Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back] and he could put it to film and pay me a percentage of what the movie takes in. Maybe I'll just keep blogging and see what happens.

I found me on a handheld

2006-03-07T16:58:00.000-06:00

I had some time to kill today so I broke out my Blackberry, which I hadn't used in a while and decided to surf the web through the Blackberry web portal. I was just curious so I went to the Google search page and did a search for The Reluctant Disciple. Sure enough, hit number 2 was my blog. So I pulled up the page and not only did I see my text, but I also saw all of the images from the previous screenshots for Linspire that I had posted as well.

Ain't technology grand? So if you've got a Blackberry, you can apparently keep up with me; even on the go. But you won't have to do it too quickly...I don't.

A Gray Sunday In The Heartland

2006-03-05T20:17:00.000-06:00

It has been one of those Sundays. The sky was gray and cloudy all day. I think that the temp only got up to about 40 today. It was also damp from a little rain that we got last night. I noticed out on the front porch that our dog also decided to drag a dead bird up for us to "enjoy."

I didn't really feel like doing anything today, but I played with the kids. We skipped church and the neighbor came over and we watched Cannonball Run. I guess it wasn't as great of a movie as I remembered, but it still had its funny points. Then after the kids were in bed for their naps I finally watched the old Kevin Smith film Clerks. Yeah, I know that it is an older movie so you'll ask "where have you been?" I don't know. I can't really say that it was the greatest movie that I have ever seen but I did like some of the final statements of the film. These two fools were talking about life and one of them said that it just seemed like the biggest problem that other one was having in his life was just that he was trying to make his life out to be more than it was.

He essentially told him that in reality that he really wasn't much. He worked at a gas station attendant. It wasn't a glamourous job and he wasn't going anywhere...so stop pretending that everything is everyone else's fault.

I guess that's probably what each of us longs for; the desire to feel like what we do is really more than it is.

What do I do? Well, it seems like latley most of my spare time is spent wishing that I was asleep, but then I realize how much of a waste of time that would be. I just can't help it though.

I really wanted to sleep yesterday but we were going to have company last night and I figured it would be easier to clean if I were awake so I opted only to "rest my eyes" for about 10 minutes; just long enough to try and get my bearings again.

I go back to work tomorrow to see what happens. Each day is in its own way launching out into the unknown. I think that I am going to start looking for a new job more intensely.

Well, I gotta run. My daughter is jumping on the couch and my son is screaming on the floor wanting someone to hold him.

It's supposed to be kind of cold tomorrow too.

Friday Afternoon In The Universe

2006-03-03T11:37:00.000-06:00

The week is coming to its end. I am sitting here at work just wanting to be elsewhere. An old buddy of mine and I are going to get together for lunch. I haven't seen him in quite a long time. He is the guy that I wrote about a few posts back about having some questions concerning his journey with God.

I have heard that it is decent outside, but I haven't been out yet. It was still pretty chilly when I got to work. I imagine I'll find out in a few minutes when I step out for a tar stick.

So what am I doing this weekend? I am helping my wife clean the house. I have been noticing little corners in the bathroom and kitchen that haven't been cleaned in a while and rather than blame it on her, I am going to take ownership of it. Yeah, that's right; I don't like the whole blame shifting thing in our house. I figure that if something is bothering me it isn't because she hasn't done it, but because I haven't. I like to assume my own personal responsibility in some of these matters because quite frankly my wife has enough on her plate as it is with the kids, laundry, making meals, taking care of herself. She just regularly has a lot on her plate.

I am also going to try and sneak in a movie or two. I am hoping to get started on watching Cannonball Run. That is a classic. I haven't watched it for probably about 20 years but it is about time that I do once again. We all miss Dom Delouise.

I am going to take this afternoon to scour the other bloggers out there and see what's going on.

Oui!

2006-03-01T20:50:00.000-06:00

Well...it's been one of those surreal days. I don't remember if I blogged or not about my doctor's decision to up my dosage of meds. Oh wait, I guess that's what the "Up Yours" post was all about. I started the increase last night and I should not have taken it right before bed.

I knew that one of the side effects of Lexapro was either fatigue or insomnia. I got the insomnia. So the long and the short of it is that I got up yesterday morning @ 7am, and I didn't go to bed until this morning until about 3:30 and then didn't actually fall asleep until about 4am. I guess if I was still in college it wouldn't be so bad, but I've got a job; which I stayed home from so that I wouldn't accidentally pass out on the drive home from.

So what did I do with my spare time in the wee hours? I rebuilt my personal laptop. That's right- I broke the Windows and christened it with Linspire by Linux.

Initially I was getting really frustrated because I just couldn't get the install to go past the beginning phase. I thought after a while that it was a problem with the ACPI setting on the BIOS, then I thought that it might be the actual DVD drive, so I changed the settings and even swapped out drives and the problem still persisted. Then after a little while I decided to actually read the error logs that were being thrown up during the diagnostic sessions and it turns out that it was having trouble reading the source files. So after sitting back and wishing that I was asleep, I decided that I would try re-burning the CD again from the original ISO that I had. I tried it one last time and BINGO!!!

So now I'm all up and running again. My browser is working, email is configured, I got my BitTorrent client finally figured out. I did find though that someone of my ignorance is better off going with all of the pre-packaged software installs that you can get through the CNR Warehouse that Linspire offers. Reason being is that when I was having problems with my LTorrent software I figured that the best option would be to just choose a different software package. The problem was that I couldn't install the software because Linspire doesn't come with any compilers built in. You can install one, but that is out of my league because it involves really knowing a lot more about coding that I have no clue about.

I will say that that is one advantage that Windows certainly has over Linux from a regular user's perspective- the simplicity of point and click software installation. The market for the average user is certianly in the court of Microsoft, but there is also so much more risk.

What I appreciate about browsing with Linux's Internet Suite browser is that I don't get ANY pop-ups, and adware and spyware cannot become installed on my machine because it isn't written for Linux. The same is also mostly true for viruses. Most of them are written for the Windows boxes of the world. If I even get an attachment in my email that tries to run an .exe file my system will treat it as foreign and not have anything to do with it.

I'm not trying to be a salesman here because to each is truly his own...but I have found the path that I would rather take.

I hope I sleep better tonight.

I'm Sold

2006-02-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

I am now going to convert my laptop at home to Linspire. It is the world's easiest Linux Deskop system. I have been playing around with it more and more at work and I am sold. Not only is it an inexpensive OS, but it has pretty much everything that you would need for every day home use.

Let's look at some of the features that are listed from the website-

Experience tabbed-browsing	Advanced & Secure Internet Suite Email, Internet, instant messaging, and more! The Linspire Internet Suite includes one of the most advanced, secure and easy-to-use Internet browsers available for desktop and laptop computers. Features include tabbed web browsing, Hot Words, in-line spell checking, and pop-up ad blocking. And Linspire is compatible with QuickTime, Windows media, Flash, and Java and more!

OpenOffice in Action	Complete Office Suite Linspire comes with a complete office suite for word processing, spreadsheets, drawings and slide presentations. And all the programs are file-compatible with their Microsoft Office counterparts (.doc, .xls and .ppt), so you can easily read and share documents with people using Microsoft Windows.

Chat with Friends	Instant Messaging Multi-platform Instant Messenger lets you communicate simultaneously on multiple IM accounts - AOL Instant Messenger, MSN, Yahoo!, Messenger, ICQ, and more!

Listen to your favorite music	Digital Music Download and manage your favorite tunes with Lsongs, an all-in-one music manager built into Linspire. Burn and rip your favorite music. Organize it, play it, and sync it to portable music players. You can also purchase music free of any digital rights management (DRM) directly from MP3Tunes for just 88 cents a song or $8.88 for a full album!

Touch up family pictures	Digital Photos Lphoto is a pre-installed photo managment program that allows you to download, organize, edit, and share your entire photo collection. Easily connect your digital camera to your computer and import all of your pictures with a single mouse-click. You can even create animated slide shows and burn albums to CD or video CD (VCD)!

	Advanced Wireless Capability Linspire supports the latest WiFi networking technology (802.11 B/G). Customizable network profiles and a WiFi access point locator let you effortlessly shift between office, home, and other networks.

	Plug and Play Ready Connect digital cameras, scanners, MP3 players and more. Linspire instantly recognizes USB and Firewire devices.

	Web Publishing Tools Linspire includes Nvu, a powerful, easy-to-use web design program that is the open-source equivalent to Microsoft FrontPage and Macromedia Dreamweaver. Nvu makes creating, managing, and updating web sites a snap. Now, anyone can create web pages, even those with no technical expertise or knowledge of HTML.

	Multimedia Tutorials Linspire now has an expanded multimedia tutorial player that will get even the most novice computer user performing a wide range of computing tasks. The "How-To" tutorials cover everything from simple desktop navigation, to setting up a wireless Internet connection. Try it yourself and see!

I don't know what else anyone woud need. Why not say goodbye to Windows? I know that I am.

Up Yours

2006-02-28T13:34:00.000-06:00

I went to the doctor today and he said that it sounds like we are making some progress but he said that instead of me taking my regular dosage of 10mg of Lexapro he wants me to up it to 20mg to see if it takes us to where we want to be. I just hope that it doesn't just double what I have been feeling. If it does, then I'll be twice as tired, twice as moody...or maybe I'll get lucky and it'll do the trick. Who knows. I guess tonight will be the first night of giving it a shot.

You're Fired

2006-02-27T22:11:00.000-06:00

Thankfully I'm not. I just had that in my head because of watching The Apprentice tonight. The Donald is the man. He knows what he wants and he gets the job done.

So I feel like I have to go at this Linux thing slowly. There is so much that can be done, but with as little knowledge as I have it is a long journey.

I go back to the doctor tomorrow morning. I am anxious to see if I'm making any progress or not. Sometimes I feel like I am. My wife says I'm better than I was, but I still feel like I've seen better days. I don't know if I'll get my dosage of meds upped or if I'll get put on something else. If I do get switched I hope I don't go through all the same hell all over again.

I also signed up with AdSense here on Blogger. I am hoping to make some money if anyone else decides to look at my blog and click on any of the advertisers.

I'll have to write more when my head is clearer.

Bringin' Home The Bling

2006-02-24T11:46:00.000-06:00

Not really, but I did have this idea to start scouring the various Goodwills and Salvation Armys around town looking for anything valuable that people may have thrown out on accident. If I can then buy the items from them and then resell them on EBay, then maybe the Benjamin's will start heading my way.

My idea is to look for either t-shirts with strange logos or sayings, fine china/things like that, or old records that might be worth something.

Why am I doing this, you might ask...Because I'm an entrapeneaur (sp?)? NO. I don't know the first thing about trying to make money by starting a business. I just don't know what else to do. No one has responded to any of the job applications that I have put in for a part-timer.

I tried Staples, Menards, Subway, a video store...it just seems like they are more interested in hiring high school kids. I guess they could probably afford to pay them less. I don't want to get desperate enough to have to start stripping again...trust me, nobody wants to see that happen. Instead of making money, I'd probably have to pay rent for my pole. (this is the part where my wife reads this and makes that face of disgust because of my "dirty-gross" humor that she doesn't really think is as humourous as I do)

Have fun friends. I'm off to the Thrift Shops...

Hmmmm

2006-02-23T11:47:00.000-06:00

I have some downtime right now because my weekly virus scan is running on my Windows machine. I know that it will now be pretty much "unavailable" now for then next hour or so. At work we use Symantec AntiVirus, but at home I far prefer to use AVG. It just runs faster and better.

So, I was thinking earlier about writing something short. Writing a fight scene for a book. Let's give it a little try.

They had been staring each other down for a good ten minutes. They both had their eyes on the same chick who was dancing with her friends over on the other side of the bar. They both had that look in their eyes; the look that said that if the other guy didn't move soon then it would be their shot.

Dale stood up first and made his way over to the cluster of ladies. Hector reacted by making his way over there too. They knew what was going on. They knew that this was probably going to be a fight to the death. Everyone who saw what was going on quickly got out of their way. People stopped talking and the music stopped.

"Who the hell do you think you are coming into my place like this?" Dale snapped at Hector. Hector stopped, quickly reached into his inner suit jacket pocket and pulled out three recently sharpened chineese throwing stars. He whipped them at his opponent sinking all three of them into his chest. Dale dropped like a rock. As he lay bleeding on the floor the crowd gasped and started screaming.

Hector then stepped up to the female objective and said, "The police will be here soon, what do you say we get out of here before it's too late?" In a deep scratchy voice she replied "Sure thing baby, just let me hit the little boy's room first."

OK, so I admit that it really wasn't all that great...but I'm sure something like that could have happened at some point somewhere.

In the land of the blind... it must be paradise

2006-02-23T11:20:00.000-06:00

I had to go to Wal-Mart last night after work to pick up some stuff on the way home. I don't know if it is just me, but I have found that no matter where in the world I go to this place, no matter what side of town, that I always end up seeing some of the stragest people there.

I like to think that I am just an average guy. I don't dress flashy, I don't like to spend a lot of money, and I like to just kind of mind my own business when I shop. In fact, I really hate shopping. I would rather do something else. But back to the normal guy thing...I am just a normal guy so I would like to think that perhaps I just kind of go unnoticed in an establishment such as this. But what I have begun to notice are not so much the weird-o's that I see in Wal-Mart as much as the people who don't look like they belong there. I mean, they drive a BMW, have clothes on that they didn't buy there...etc, they just don't look like they belong. They have nice looking skin, their hair is well kept, they smell of decent cologne/perfume...you just have to wonder what they are going at Wal-Mart.

I guess they start to stick out to me now because of all of the rest of the people that I see in there all of the time. Most of them look like they just got out of bed. Most of them look like they might even have a spot for themselves picked out to sleep in over in the sporting good and camping supplies area. These people literally spend hours at the store and these families will actually 2-way phone radio each other while they are shopping.

I really wish that I didn't have to shop there, but I guess I go there for the same reason that everyone else does- the price.

I say shop if you must, but please for the love of sanity don't spend too much time there. It will ultimately somehow alter you genetically.

Hand me my bucket please

2006-02-22T16:20:00.000-06:00

If this isn't one of the sickest pictures that you've ever seen...then I just don't know what to tell you.

I really just have no words. The irony though is...- Well, there is no irony; it is just plain wrong no matter how you look at it.

Here's a shot of Yoper

2006-02-22T16:10:00.000-06:00

For all you geeks out there, here is a screenshot of my new desktop settings with Yoper. Isn't it so clean looking and nice?

I will have to say that overall this system runs so much smoother and faster than Windblows ever will.

My New System

2006-02-22T13:03:00.000-06:00

I don't know about anyone else reading this blog [which isn't that many people] but I am tired of Microsoft. I am tired of how they get their fingers into just about everything that there is. They charge a lot of money for their products, support, and time. So I have decided to stick it to the man.

Company policy dictates that I use Microsoft Windows XP SP2 for my main operating system on my production machine, but I am currently typing this on one of my test machines. I didn't want to have Microsoft products on it so I installed the current version of a Linux variant OS called Yoper. The browser is Mozilla and overall, the speed performance far outweighs Microsoft.

I have to say that I am a complete newbie at Linux though. I have a lot to learn. Linux is based on Unix and I don't really know much about that either.

I need to learn how the directory structure works, how to compile things, how to install things. There is so much to learn. It is like stepping into a whole new world...but I'm ready for it. I am ready to take the plunge and stick it to Bill Gates as much as I can.

For more information on Yoper click here.

Doubting Thomas

2006-02-21T22:03:00.000-06:00

I received a very welcome call from an old friend tonight. He and I go back to Jr. High School. Well, we actually go even farther back then that but we were too young to really remember. In Jr. High and High School we were pretty much best friends. I believe that we are still good friends, but we have just slipped away from each other for a while. We went through a lot together and on our own, but we were always there for each other...even at times when we didn't like each other so much, which wasn't very often.

It has been about a year or so since I had last seen him. Even then it had been several years since we had met up before that.

In our conversation tonight he revealed to me that he was going through one of those times where he is asking a lot of questions about spiritual things. What do I really believe? Why? Who is God? Who am I? How does all of this fit? Do I believe what I do because it is what I have come to believe, or just because that is all I have from what was given to me growing up? These are all valid questions that anyone with any gut-level honesty asks at one point or another.

We grew up Baptist; the hard line Independent kind.

Now that he has these questions he is reaching out to others to try and find answers. Some are satisfying, others come back as just telling him that he's crazy. I guess I too would have gotten the same kind of answers in my journey but I kept the questions mostly to myself. I feel for him because he and I both know that he/we are not crazy; we just have honest questions that demand honest answers and not just something regurgitated by someone else.

Thomas is so often criticized for his time of doubt. To me he is a hero. When they told him that Jesus had risen from the dead I'm sure that his authentic reaction was "You're full of shit!"Well, that's at least how I interpret his reaction of "I will not believe until I see the holes in his wrists and put my hand in his side."

Did the others criticize him? Not from what I can see in the Gospels. I see them as being the same doubters that he was; yet they were all looking for hope.

Now, obviously we don't all have the opportunity to see the same proof that Thomas did, but does that lessen our need for something other than what is told to us? I don't think so. I think that we all have our own "unless I....." It's not even that we doubt the basics as much as we just question the details.

I have been on this journey of faith for about 12 years now and I still have some days that are better than others; so to me, Thomas is still a hero in my book. In the end, his questions only made him stronger. After all, what is this thing called faith if is ever completely satisfied?

If Tom were still alive today I'd have him teach my Sunday School class. I'd hang out with him as much as I could.

So to all you doubters out there, keep searching and you will find....something. I don't know what that is and you may have no idea either; but when it comes, I imagine we'll all know somehow.

The Pink Panther

2006-02-19T11:55:00.000-06:00

I watched the new Pink Panther movie with Steve Martin last night. I would certainly recommend it to any Pink Panther fan. It remained fairly true to the original, though I think that the makers of this one took some extra liberties with Cluseau's character. Steve did a great job, but there was still something missing from the way Peter Sellers originally played the part.

It was a good family movie. Very little swearing if any, only one sexually suggestive scene, but even then it was just more the humour of the situation, and the level of violence was very mild slapstick.

All in all I think I would give it a "very good" rating. Check it out!

A mystical journey

2006-02-19T11:07:00.000-06:00

It's been a couple of days since I have blogged. That is mostly because I have either been busy or just plain too tired to get motivated enough to sit down and type.

It has been butt cold around here. Yesterday's high was only about 6 degrees. The day before that we were at -9. So because of the cold and the snow and ice I decided to work from home. While I was working from home I watched 2 very interesting documentaries. The first one was from the History Channel called Banned From The Bible. It was about the formation of the common canon of the Bible that we now have, and examining some of the books that didn't make the cut. I think that I had seen portions of the show before but it was nice to watch again.

The show looked at a lot of the writings that ciruculated around the early church that had various things about Jesus, spirituality, history and all sorts of mystical tales. It also talked about the power that Rome had for quite a while and Constantine's commission to form a standard of Christian reading. Hence the formation of the Bible.

There were very strong arguments at that time around what should and should not be included in the Bible. Some of the books were very interesting and are now again available to read on the Internet. But the most intriguing part was just the process. Men wrestled and wrestled with ideas of faith and logic; reason and spirituality. Even when it was "complete" there still wasn't a perfect consensus. Did the events in the Bible really happen? Were they just stories? Which accounts of Jesus' life were the most accurate? Did Paul really write some of that stuff? These were debates that took place more than 300 years after Christ

Then the other show that I watched was a BBC production by a more modern theologian called Who Wrote The Bible. He spent a lot of time investigating the historicity, accuracy, and scholarship of the Biblical writings. He talked to both Jews and Christians alike and found out their understandings of what the Bible is. Is it really the Word of God? Is it just the work of Man? Is it a combination of both?

He explored the historical claims of many of the Old Testament passages. He explored some of the well known surface contradictions found in the texts of both the Old and New Testaments. He talked to all kinds of believers on both sides of the fence to see how their views impacted their lives in a practical way.

His conclusion was that no matter which way you look at things, looking at the Bible from a scholastic perspective was messy. There are problems. People have sought to provide solutions to these problems. Some have been satisfied and some are still searching for answers. Either way it was still messy. So how do we find God? In the mess of our searching. In the mess of our lives.

My conclusion that I have come to is that, as helpful as it is; the Bible is for lack of better words "incomplete." We don't have all of the story. We don't have all of the understanding. There are many out there who would argue differently. The would look at the Bible and claim that it is supposed to be a manual on life; a textbook for the spiritual...the only means in which we can find God. I really wish that I could see things that way, but I am always reminded of something that Jesus told the Pharisees who put themselves under the same cloak- You study the Scriptures because you think that they contain eternal life; but I tell you that they testify of me.

So it seems as though even though they said they saw one thing, Jesus said that they had it all wrong. That was just like Jesus though, he always had an explanation/interpretation that was completely different from what the religious folk expected. He angered the people of God while the outcast were marvelling at his words and acceptance of them.

There are many today called fundamentalists. They take every word in the Bible as something to literall be followed to the letter. My brother in law is a prime example. They observe the Sabbath on Saturday, they still follow the feasts of the Old Testament...and his family has even lately stopped eating pork because it is unclean. Even though they say that they haven't, I wonder if they have lost Jesus in all of it. So much symbol without much good solid substance; but that is just my observation.

Jesus said that all of the law and the prophets were summed up in the commands to love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. So do either of those get lost in Bible study or theology? I reckon that they do.

While I don't believe that the Bible solidly answers all of life's questions or solves all of theology's problems, I do believe that it settles the fundamental reason for living- doing unto others as we would have them do to us.

An almost lost show

2006-02-15T12:44:00.000-06:00

Today over my lunch break I went to my parent's to hang out. I was flipping through the stations on TV and ran across this old classic show. There they were- Boss Hogg, Rosco P. Coltraine, Bo, Luke, and Daisy Duke.

I know that the show by today's standards is really lame. You have a bunch of country bumpkins from Hazzard County wherever who don't seem to do much but have a lot of time on their hands. Uncle Jesse runs a supposed car repair shop but yet he and the kids all live out on a "farm."

Then you've also got the constant cigar smoker Boss Hogg. The guy just lights up wherever he feels like. At one time that was acceptable, but not anymore it seems. And what's up with his white suit? He even wore it after Labour Day if my memory serves me right.

Bo and Luke use their brains and their muscle car which is virtually indestructable. I mean, I have never seen a car that has been able to make such insane jumps look so easy. I know that for the filming that they had to have REALLY loaded down the trunk to keep the car in the air like that. And the suspension on the car had to be absolutely unbelievable.

Daisy is always able to work her womanly charm. No matter where she goes all she has to do is speak real sweet and bat her eyelashes and all the men fall head over heals in love. I had heard at one point that the actress who played her (Catherine Bach) had taken out a really large insurance policy on her legs. Well, times have changed. She isn't quite the skinny little tease that she used to be; but then again, we're talking about Daisy Duke 20 years ago. I guess a lot can happen between now and then.

At any rate, even though the show might not be on par with today's CSI, Law & Order, Cops, or even Walker Texas Ranger they were just some "good 'ole boys, never meanin' no harm."

If it's been a while go back into the archives. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

My Valentines

2006-02-14T20:11:00.000-06:00

I am not a real sentimental person, but I want to take some of this space to talk about my true valentines. This is my wife and 2 kids. They are my favourite people in the world.

My son is usually a very happy kid. He is amazing. He loves to laugh and play and just hang out with us. He is also happiest whenever he is being held by someone.

My daughter is so full of energy. She loves to run, play, colour, watch movies. You never know what is going to come out of her mouth. She is so smart too.

But most of all, my wife; who without her, none of us would be who we are. She has sacrificed having a "career" to be an at home mom. She stays with the kids all day and keeps a safe and clean home for us to live in. She is absolutely amazing. We have had our share of difficulties and have been close to divorce a few times, but with each passing day we grow closer together. As different as we are from each other, I know that I couldn't live without her.

She is smart, funny, a wiz with the budget, a wonderful mom, caring, throughtful, artistic, organized...and for having given birth to 2 kids; she's still hot.

I know that we weren't going to do anything for each other for Valentine's Day, but I guess I had to fudge. Baby, this post is for you.

I love you with all my heart Anja.

The time is 15:26

2006-02-14T15:29:00.000-06:00

I am here at work. I went out a little earlier today to see what the weather was like. It is 62 degrees. There is a light breeze.

Tomorrow night it is supposed to precipitate and get really cold. If we get rain, sleet, and snow with below freezing temps, then I will probably be working from home on Thursday.

So back to Valentine's day. How many millions of roses will be bought today? How many love songs will be dedicated on the radio tonight on Delilah or John Tesh. I really hate both of those shows.

My wife and I aren't really doing anything for each other today. At least that's what it sounded like from her. I could swear though that when I verified that with her that it sounded like we weren't doing anything.

But aside from the Valentine's cards and flowers and chocolate...one thing is for sure- tonight for many there will be a whole lotta shaggin' going on.

Valentine's Day History

2006-02-14T11:41:00.000-06:00

Just a bit of history on this day from www.americancatholic.org

The roots of St. Valentine's Day lie in the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was celebrated on Feb. 15. For 800 years the Romans had dedicated this day to the god Lupercus. On Lupercalia, a young man would draw the name of a young woman in a lottery and would then keep the woman as a sexual companion for the year.

Pope Gelasius I was, understandably, less than thrilled with this custom. So he changed the lottery to have both young men and women draw the names of saints whom they would then emulate for the year (a change that no doubt disappointed a few young men). Instead of Lupercus, the patron of the feast became Valentine. For Roman men, the day continued to be an occasion to seek the affections of women, and it became a tradition to give out handwritten messages of admiration that included Valentine's name.

There was also a conventional belief in Europe during the Middle Ages that birds chose their partners in the middle of February. Thus the day was dedicated to love, and people observed it by writing love letters and sending small gifts to their beloved. Legend has it that Charles, duke of Orleans, sent the first real Valentine card to his wife in 1415, when he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. (He, however, was not beheaded, and died a half-century later of old age.)

And now you know the rest of the story.

We are spinning

2006-02-14T11:29:00.000-06:00

Rule #1. Never talk about fight club.

Rule #2. I guess it isn't a good idea to take Tylenol Daytime Flu when you are also taking Lexapro anti-depressants.

I am sitting here at work fighting sleep like it's the plague. Normally I would welcome sleep but not today. I have too much to do. I also have to drive across town for work and I am not so sure I should be on the road in this condition, but I am going to brave it anyways. You see, I have gotten a cold from my wife and daughter. In fact, I think that we're all sick at the Whitehead house.

On my way to work this morning I was listening to a bit from a show on one of the local Christian radio stations called Update Today. They were talking about immigration problems again. More specifically Illegal Immigration. I know that is an important issue, but why do they have to address it on a program that is supposed to be talking about "what's happening in Christianity today."

When the show was over I decided to flip over to my other source of morning spirituality- The Bob and Tom show.

I should get on now to whatever I am getting on to.

I'll be back later.

Finally some sun

2006-02-12T15:29:00.000-06:00

It is Sunday at almost 15:30. I noticed a little earlier that we are finally seeing some sunshine, but it is still butt cold outside. I let the dog out and saw the steam coming out of her nose as she paced the front porch.

The kids are asleep. This morning my daughter and I put the finishing touches on her "Balentime's" cards that we are sending out to the family. She's fun to watch make stuff like that. My wife wrote some stuff on them for her and then we gave her the markers and colours to sit back and work her magic.

This morning we had to use some soap on her. We were sitting and watching the new Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were Rabbit movie. During the flick she piped up and asked "Are those the bad guys?" We said yes. She responded by saying "aaawwwweee damn." She's been saying that a lot lately. She must have heard it on TV or something. Usually the only "swear word" that we allow is only in the context of diarhea when we call it "the shits." That's a family thing though, imported from my wife's side. That's the only time and context that she says it though.

This afternoon my wife and I watched the movie Domino. It was pretty good. It is a longer movie but it keeps you involved as a participant. It was a very different role for Keira Knightly but I think that she did it well.

We skipped out on church this morning. The kids are still kind of sick and we don't want to get anyone else sick. Besides that, my medication had me pretty sleepy for a good share of the morning.

One thing was different this morning though. Usually on the mornings that we skip church, I still peruse the local stations on TV looking for the Sunday morning used car salesman preachers. Sometimes I just like to listen and take note off all the different points of BS that they are feeding to the sheeple. I know, it's kind of sick but like I said; I didn't do it today. Lately I have kind of decided to "remove" myself from listening to or watching the religious media. It seems like when I do drop in I all hear about is either politics or how to get something from God, or how to be more spiritual than anyone else. I used to listen to the Calvary Sattelite Network a lot, but lately I find that all it is are preachers preaching opinions and meandering sermons that don't really go anywhere.

I feel like lately, I believe in God and Jesus and the Bible...but I just wonder how much of what we see today is really real; and what the original intent behind the Christian writings really were. So much has been removed from the picture. Some say that what we have has been divinely preserved by God, some believe that there is more. I guess that either position ultimately boils down to faith.

Anymore, I guess I don't even really call myself a "Christian." I would rather just be known as a follower of Christ. Unfortunately though today the line that separates the two is so difficult to see. I personally think that if Jesus or Paul were to just show up on the scene today that we would crucify them all over again like they did the first time around.

So I guess that begs the question: How seriously do I take my faith. I guess sometimes it is really seriously, but then other times I have to try and separate whether I am taking my faith seriously or taking myself seriously. It is often difficult to discern.

I guess it is kind of like arguing the issue of justice. Some believe that it truly exists. Others believe that there is no such thing; only either forgiveness or revenge. I don't know where I stand, but I also don't feel like I necessarily have to stand anywhere on it.

That's all for now I guess.

Just another day in the hood

2006-02-11T22:39:00.000-06:00

Saturday has come and gone.

As usual it was hard to get out of bed this morning. I made it though. Had my cigarette while I thought about the day. I had to help out with the kids in the morning and then I knew that when the kids went down for a nap that I needed to go into town to pick up some wood pellets for my fireplace and drop off a job application to Menards.

While I was in town I decided to drive around and check out other perspective places to work in case they didn't call me back. Staples hasn't called me back yet either. Earlier today I also did an online application for Subway. I hate looking for a job. It seems like part-time jobs are pretty much just for high school and college kids anymore. What is a 27 year old with a full-time job to do? One of the places that I drove past was Big KMart and unfortunately all I could think of was a time when I was a kid where a bunch of Xians decided to boycott them because they were owned by another company who was a big distributor of porn. KMart didn't sell it so I don't see the point, but oh well, I guess everybody's got to do what they feel is right about those things.

While I was in town I also decided to stop in at a tattoo shop to look at one of the artist's portfolio. I knew that I wasn't going to get anything today...or any time soon for that matter. I just don't have the $$$. A couple of months ago I did get a bit added to an existing tat of mine but that is because I had extra from getting paid from a magazine that I occasionally write for. Sometimes you'll find my work in The Wittenburg Door which bills itself as "The world's pretty much only religious satire magazine." I haven't written much lately. Maybe I am just losing my satirical edge.

Anyways, I like tattoos. They are a very unique form of art. I have been thinking about how I would like to have a 1/2 sleeve of something on my right arm. I already have a lion's head on my left peck, and a cross with a heart on it surrounded by flames on my left shoulder.

My wife and I watch that show on TLC called Miami Ink and dream of taking some kind of anniversary trip down to Miami to get inked by one of those guys.

To me, every tattoo shop has smelled the same. There is always that cigarette smell in the air mixed with the kind of soap that they use to disinfect everything. I kind of like it, but it is also annoying. If I had any real artistic ability I would consider becoming a tattoo artist. Maybe when I win the lottery I could quit my job, take some art classes and then become an apprentice. I guess we'll have to start playing first.

Mood-wise, sometimes I feel like I am doing better and other times I feel like I'm still the same. There were times today that I felt a lot of stress and I just wanted to take a really long nap. I am never suicidal, but there are times that my mind just thinks "I would love to just go to sleep and not wake up." But I know how much that would really suck for my wife and kids and the rest of my family so I am at least able to pray that God would give me another day for their sake.

My wife too is struggling with her emotions. She is currently on Zoloft for post pardem depression. The only difference between her depression and mine is that her's in manifested through anger. On top of that she doesn't feel well. She is fighting a cold; yet somehow we are still able to get along without taking anything from each other personally.

Tonight we watched the movie National Treasure. I had forgotten about how it explores some Masonic themes. I am not one of those conspiracy black chopper kind of guys, but it is interesting how much influence the Masons have had on politics in American history. One time I did kind of "look into" the study of what all they did, but it was probably all biased information that I was getting because it was being given by Christian Conspiracy Theorists. Those guys that you hear on The Prophecy Club hosted by Stan Johnson and his crew out of Kansas. They seem to believe just about anything that sounds even remotely suspicious.

I personally am not threatened by the notion of secret societies. Man is so limited in what he can do, no matter how much power he thinks he posesses. In any case, just look at the Tower of Babel; whether it happened exactly the way the Bible says that it did, the point was that man could not succeed in his intents.

I need to stop typing now. I know that it is only 23:00 but I am tired. My medicine is kicking in.

I hope I have something more interesting to talk about tomorrow.

Say hello to my little friend

2006-02-10T21:41:00.000-06:00

I wanna talk for a little while about a guy named Chuvie McDervish. He is about 6'9" and weighs 550lbs. He's got long blonde hair on top with it butched and dyed orange around the sides and back; with dark skin with slanted eyes. He talks with an accent that is a cross between Alaskan and Spanish, but it's the highest pitch you've ever heard. He dresses like he just stepped out of 1963. He says that Jimi Hendrix is his favourite musician, but he only has posters of Cheryl Crow and Waylon Jennings up in his dorm room.

This guy can go for weeks on end without eating much of anything, but usually once a month he spends his entire paycheck at Old Country Buffet. I just don't know how he does it.

Right now he is studying neucular biology but dreams of one day being a librarian. His favourite author is either Ernest Hemingway or Saul Bellow, but he loves to sit and read Shakespear and Dilbert.

He's got either a girl or boyfriend, neither one of them is sure. It is a cross-dressing-hermaphoradite. When I say cross dressing, I mean that one day it wears a dress and combat boots and the next day some khakis and a crewneck with a trendy pair of Converse. The point is that they get along pretty well and neither of them has any complaints.

It's not like you don't notice either one of them in a crowd because you really do. Even though you don't say anything with your mouth, the look on your face just cries out "Dear God, what the hell is that?" And then you wonder if you should ask if they need help or just keep walking...after all, the look in their eyes says that they too have their discomforts.

You decide to keep on going, but you know as well as I do that when you get to your dinner party that they'll be the main topic and how sickened you felt for whatever reason.

Most likely you'll go to sleep that night with the image in your mind, only to wake up and wonder how badly you think you need counseling.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the globe, somewhere in remote Africa or India an American man is spotted wearing a white Armani suit. His hair is cut nicely and he smells of fine aftershave, while his hands look like they've never been out of his pockets; and the natives look on at him they can't help but think the same thing as you did.

Friday after work

2006-02-10T15:58:00.000-06:00

Just a quick entry.

On the way home I plan on stopping to get some Chocolate Milk, Donuts, and some Dr. Thunder. Yep, it is the rip-off version of Dr. Pepper, but I actually like it better.

This weekend's entertainment will be watching Series 2 of Family Guy and the soon to be released in the theatre's Domino.

Film @ 11.

One of the greatest movies

2006-02-10T13:35:00.000-06:00

I know that by now this movie is old news, but I was just sitting here thinking about how incredibly great it was and still is. It just happens to be my daughter's favourite movie too.

What makes it so great? Is it that it pretty much sums up High School for every generation? I think so. Sure the clothes and music might be different, but I can think of about 10 people that I went to High School with right off hand that this movie made me think about.

Maybe the funniest thing about the movie is that there is a little bit of Napolean in all of us. Ultimately, I think that we are all really geeks down deep inside, but some people it is just more subtle.

I have often debated with myself as to whether or not I really want to go to any of my class reunions. I don't know that I am really all that interested in what everyone else has gone on to do with themselves. It seems like more than anything that they are just opportunities for bragging about accomplishments. But I also suppose that there is a dark side of me that wants to go just so I can see how the "cool" people turned out to just be "normal" geeks like all the rest of us. The football jocks that have now turned into Fundraisers for some company, or the Student Council President that finished college at an Ivy League school who is now working at Starbucks.

On the other hand it will be nice to see all the geeks who actually became something.

It's almost noon on a Friday

2006-02-10T11:58:00.000-06:00

So I'm sitting here at work just thinking back on how hard it seems to get up these days. I think that part of it might be my medication. It seems like if I am ever given the chance that I can just close my eyes and go to sleep.

I am sitting here right now listening to this Internet talk show hosted by a church out in San Diego, CA called The Atheist Hour that is put on by a Reformed Baptist Church. I am not sure why I listen to it because it is just a bunch of people sitting around with circular arguments. The Pastor sits and tries to argue why Christianity is right, and the atheists try to show how it is wrong.

Maybe I listen to it out of boredom, or curiosity. There is much that I disagree with from both sides of the argument, but I am sure that in person that the Pastor is a nice guy.

I did get tired of participating at their online forum though because there were just too many people there who felt like their views of the Bible and stuff were the only correct views. I just can't handle that. I don't take myself that seriously anymore.

The website for this is www.unchainedradio.com

You do have to sign up (for free) to listen and participate in the forums.

Al Mohler on Larry King Live talking about Brokeback Mountain

2006-02-09T12:05:00.000-06:00

It seems like lately all most of the political Christians want to talk about are the harmful effects of the outside world being gay. They have talk shows, books, editorials, pamphlets and all kinds of things designed at "fighting the battle" to protect the definition of marriage.

Personally I will probably not see the movie Brokeback Mountain but that is primarily because I have only heard that as a movie, it just sucked. [no pun intended] I'm not really a big fan of cowboy movies anyways. But what I am even less of a fan of are the talking heads like D. James Kennedy, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Al Mohler and the likes that seem to be on this anti-gay trail that they want to make sure that everyone sees them running on.

Don't get me wrong; I am not in favour of same sex marriages or even the gay lifestyle because I know what the Bible has to say about it; but I am also not going to be over in this little holy corner that only sees homosexuality and secular humanism as the only "mortal" sins in the eyes of God.

The Bible has to say much about just about any sin that man could come up with and incidentally it mentions homosexuality far less than other sins such as idolatry, slander, pride, jealousy, greed, etc. But what I find amazing about these guys who feel that it is their Christian responsibility to champion these causes against such activities is that even though we are reading the same Bible (supposedly) I don't see anywhere in it any kind of call to "speak out" on the subject in the way that these guys do.

They keep referring to this "War In America" over the issue. I don't really think that it's as big of a war as they say that it is. I think that I heard somewhere that the actual percentage of gay and lesbian people in America is somewhere between 1-3%. That is such a small number and I don't think that the number has really actually inflated much over the last 100 or so years. I think that it is just that as we evolve socially as a country and more people are trying to attain their rights that the minorities have just become more outspoken about it. But personally I don't feel threatened by it one bit. I think that for the most part the only thing that these people want is their freedom. I don't have to agree with it, but shouldn't they have the same "natural" rights as everyone else? I'm not advocating it, but I do think that it is a fair question.

I know that there are also many out there who would like to argue that if we allow gays to get married then the next thing that will come is beastiality and incest and all that stuff...but again, much of that stuff is already happening and it is only going on with such a small percentage of people. Why? Because the stuff is just plain weird. It only seems to become a bigger issue when the activists take the little things and then blow them up as big as they do.

Laws and protests don't change people's hearts. I'm not advocating that people should be able to do whatever the hell they want to whenever they want...but I do think that perhaps we'd all be better off if we just minded our own business and stop trying to speak on Christ's behalf when he himself didn't even really talk about it.

Another cold gray day

2006-02-09T11:58:00.000-06:00

It is another cold and gray day here in middle Iowa. I think the temp outside right now is about 21. The sky is cloudy so there is a dreary atmosphere that covers the city. Snow that started to melt yesterday has now turned into patches of ice on the sidewalk.

This is one of those days where I'd rather just be at home curled up in bed sleeping. But instead I am now here at work doing nothing more than just listening to things that I find online and blogging. Who would have ever thunk that one day each person would have equal access to post their "diary" out on the World Wide Web for all to read? I remember how back in High School I didn't really know anything at all about the Internet. Now I don't know what I'd do without it.

It's my source of news, entertainment, communication, information and just about anything else I need.